Give In To Me
by flawlesspeasant
Summary: Riddle me this: If you were alone, in a room, with a girl that only your wildest dreams could invent, would you take the opportunity?
1. Beginning

"Babe, where the hell is my shirt? It should be on the back of the computer chair and it's not there. I'm already running late." I force one last sip of coffee in my mouth and put my mug down on the table next to the heaping glass bowl of cheesy scrambled eggs. If it were any other time that I was late, I wouldn't care, but it's the first day of the new year which means I have to be more punctual than I've ever been. The first day is already hectic; I can only imagine the amount of panic and the number of meltdowns students would have if I were late myself.

"I put it on the ironing board after I ironed it this morning, honey." My wife busies herself pouring orange juice into two separate sippy cups and making plates of eggs and cut up blueberry pancakes. Usually I'd help her, but like I said, I'm running too late. "Check on the ironing board, maybe you overlooked it." She drizzles a little bit of maple syrup over the small pieces of pancake and puts the plates in front of the two little beauties sitting at the table.

"Alright," I take a quick sip of orange juice straight out of the Tropicana carton and put it back down. My wife rolls her eyes at me. I know how much she hates when I do that, but it's a tough habit to break. "What about my work phone?" I screw the cap back on the carton. "Where's that at?" I know how annoyed she gets with me when I can't keep up with any of my things, but I think that's the whole reason god sent me someone as organized and structured as my wife.

"It was with Tori's Leapster the last time I saw it." My wife pulls Tori's sleeves up so she can eat without getting herself dirty. If there's one thing my wife hates, it's a mess. She hates all messes. She hates when the kids are messy, the house is messy and she even hates when the playroom is messy. Personally, I don't mind messes that much, which is probably why both my girls are daddy's girls.

"It's not supposed to be with the Leapster, Victoria." I reprimand her with a stern voice. Tori's in the stage where she just barely understands the concept of punishment, "NO", and "BAD." My wife's a fan of smacking their hands and putting her fingers in their face, but I personally don't think any of that crap works. I think a proper yell is sufficed enough for little girls their ages.

Victoria looks at me and shoves her sticky fingers into her mouth. We can't get her to eat with a fork just yet. I could never stay angry or upset with my little beauties; they're way too adorable. Their eyes are my weaknesses. I lean town and fix Tori's long, pretty dark brown hair. I kiss her on her cheek and she offers me a smashed pancake in her tiny little hand. "No thanks." I push her hand away softly. "You go 'head and eat this one. Daddy'll get his own plate."

"One hour, Joe." My wife grabs the container of baby wipes from under our kitchen sink and starts wiping off Livy's face with them. Livy swats her tiny little hand at her mother and jerks her head to the side. They both hate when we wipe their faces or get boogers out of their noses. It's so cute how they hate it. I glance at the clock on the stove. It's almost 7:30. My wife's right. My first class starts in one hour. I've really got to get going.

I put my dirty coffee cup in the kitchen sink for my wife to wash it and go back upstairs. I go back to our room. My wife is amazing. She's only been up a half hour longer than I have, and she already has the bed made and the babies fed. Sure enough, my plain white button-down shirt is hanging on the ironing board. I grab it and put it on, tucking it inside my pants and pulling my belt tight. I sit on the edge of our bed and shove my feet into my dark brown dress shoes. I tie them tight, grab my dark blue tie and go back downstairs. "I'm gonna get going now, babe."

My wife stands in front of me and ties my tie. "Okay honey." She stands up on her tiptoes and kisses me on my lips. "Have a nice first day back." She swats away dirt on my shirt and adjusts my tie. She even smooths my hair down. "I'm gonna drop the babies off at the babysitter's around 9. I have to be at work by 9:30."

"Mmmkay." I kiss her on her lips and stroke her beautiful light brown hair. "You have a nice day at work too." I let her go and grab my cell phone off the island. I'm actually excited to go to work. I lean down and kiss both my beauties on their cheeks. "Daddy will see you guys later, okay?" Livy sucks on her pacifier and just looks at me. Tori's beautiful blue/green eyes well up with tears.

"Dada!" Tori reaches her arms out to me and whimpers. "Dada…" I really hate to see my girls cry, so even though my class starts in 45 minutes, I walk back over and pick her up. She coughs hard and starts to cry in my ear. I guess I could understand why they'd be upset to see me go. I've been home with both of them all summer long, and it's coming to an end now. "DADA!"

"I'm coming back, baby. I'm coming back." I rub her back and kiss her on her wet cheek. "I'll be right back, Tori." I keep rubbing her back and bouncing her up and down softly. I hand her over to my wife. My wife kisses her and comforts her. I give Livy one last kiss on her cheek, grab my car keys and head out the door. I'm glad Livy's too little know that I'm leaving, because I can hardly deal with Tori crying. I would never leave the house if both my little beauties were crying.

I shut and lock the front door behind myself and unlock my car. Boy, I live the dream. I have two beautiful little girls and a wife that completes my whole life. My wife's got a good job at the hospital, taking care of cancer patients, and I'm a college algebra professor. Every single time I think about it, I get excited. I'm so glad I live the life I live.

I back out of the driveway, staring at my house as I drive down the road. We just bought this house four years ago. We bought it when we found out we were going to have Victoria. It's a three bedroom house. We have a pool in the backyard, a two-car garage, a playroom down in the basement and two bedrooms.

I look at the clock on the dashboard of my car and speed up a little. The campus is only twenty minutes away from my house. I have a half hour until my first class starts. I'm excited to see the new faces of the freshman class. I'm excited to give them my famous first-day quiz. I'm just excited to get back to work and make my money.

* * *

The first bell of the new school year rings, and I keep my back turned to the desks, writing my name on the whiteboard in case they don't know about me. Some of the students are probably repeats that didn't pass my class last year, others I'll probably know one of their siblings or so. I'm sure the students have heard about me, because I'm one of the "cool" professors, but on the off chance that I get a student that doesn't know me, I'd like for them to at least know my name. So, in red dry erase marker, I write my name down on my whiteboard; Dr. Joseph Jonas.

The door to my classroom opens up, and I hear the loud bustle of students walking the halls and some wandering into my room. I sit down in my big swivel chair and open up my laptop to get my class roster. I don't assign seats or anything in my classes. They're college freshmen. They don't need limits like that. I take attendance sometimes, but sometimes I don't. It doesn't really matter to me whether they come to classes or not. It's their grade, not mine. I'm their professor, not a policeman.

I hear excited giggles and the metal parts of chairs clinking and clanking together as my students take their seats. I stand up and pace back and forth in front of the room, waiting for the late bell to ring so I can shut my door and start class. Some students sit in the front two rows, but most sit in the back two. The middle is all filled up. I think I have a total of 20 students in this class. I grab my clipboard and look at the printed roster. Yep, there are 20 students.

The late bell rings, and just as I walk over to shut my door, another tiny little freshman girl walks quickly past me and sits in the only available seat at the front of the room. She looks like a freshman in high school, not a freshman in college. I let her sit down and then I shut my door. I clear my throat and sit down at the edge of my desk. "Welcome to College Algebra 1. I don't have rules for this class, other than when I'm talking, you aren't. I'm Dr. Joseph Jonas; call me Dr. or Mr. Jonas. This is my fifth year teaching this course here at Arizona State, and for those of you that are wondering, yes I am old enough to have my master's."

I get a little bit of laughter from a few students at that, which is a plus for me. I remember when I was a freshman in college and my professors scared the shit out of me. I don't want my students to be afraid to laugh and have fun in my class. "In this class, you are allowed cell phones, iPods, iPads, laptops, etc. I don't mind to joke around and have fun in class, as long as we can be serious when needed. Now; I need help putting names to faces. So when I call your name, let me know that's you." I hold my clipboard to my face and read off it.

"Lauren Anderson?" I look up from the clipboard. A very skinny little thing stands up. She has dark black hair with pink tips and a Van Halen t-shirt on. It's a hot day outside, so her incredibly short shorts are acceptable. I nod my head at her and she sits down. "…Alana Bradford?" A light-skinned girl with curly hair stands up. She looks like she rolled out of bed and came here. I nod my head again and she takes her seat. "Matthew Black?" I nod at him when he stands up. "Jordan Childers?" I nod at him. "Taylor Davidson?" I nod at her. "Alexis Fope?" I nod at her. "…Help me out with this name, please. Is it… Jenera? Is that how you pronounce that?" I ask.

A dark-skinned girl with long dreadlocks stands up and smiles. "Yes, it's Jenera Fuwagbugu." Her accent suggests that she's from Jamaica. She's probably the coolest kid I've had in my entire five years.

"I'll remember that." I chuckle and keep reading off. "Mikayla Gollum?" I nod at her. "Melena Gollum?" Mikayla's twin stands up. I smile at them. "How do I tell you guys apart?"

"I'm taller and she has brown eyes. Mine are green." Melena tells me. I nod again.

"…Selena Gomez?" Another tiny little thing stands up. She's tan with really long brown hair. She has the cutest little face I've ever seen. Again, she looks like she belongs in high school, not college. I nod at her and she sits down. "Haley Hook?" Her name is cool, I'll remember that. I nod at her and she sits down. "Seth Jacobs?" I nod at him when he stands up. "Noah Jerrick?" He stands up, I nod, he sits down. "Kyra Kennington?" She doesn't stand up, she just raises her hand. "Shayne Lewis?" He stands up and I nod. "Toby Lim?" The only Chinese kid in the class stands up. I nod at him and he sits down. "…Demetria Lo… Lovato?" The tiny one that got to class late stands up. She's cute, but not as adorable as the tiny Hispanic one.

"It's Low-vah-toe. Not Low-vay-toe." She corrects me. She has a really unique speaking voice. I've never heard a girl's voice so unique before. Her voice is melodious, like she's singing every word she says. It's pretty.

"My apologies." I nod at her and she takes her set. "Penelope McAllister?" She raises her hand. "Eric Phalanger?" I nod at him. "Quinn Slevin?" A boy stands up. I nod at him. "And last but not least, Tyler Zerkosky?" I put my clipboard down on my desk and put my hands in my pockets. "Well, now that I know everyone's name…. let's get to know each other. A lot of professors don't take the time to get to know their students, but that's not the case with me. We're going to spend four semesters together, we ought to get to know one another, don't you think?"

I sit back down on the edge of my desk again. "So, I'll start. My name is Joseph, my friends call me Joe. I'm 28 years young and I really like math. I graduated from here, Arizona State, and I'm married with two pretty little girls that drive me nuts. Victoria is three, just turned three in the summer, and Olivia turned two last week. These are my girls." I turn my projector on so that my laptop screen is projected on my Promethean board. I get a bunch of "AWWs." "Yes, I know my girls are adorable. Victoria cried this morning when I left." I stand up on my feet and finish off my life story. "My wife works down at the hospital, her name is Blanda, but she likes to be called Bea. I've been married to her for five years." I clear my throat again. "So tell me a little something about you guys. Tell me your nickname, if you have one, what you prefer me to call you, something you like to do, and what you're majoring in. We'll start at the front of the room." I point to the tiny girl. I think her name is Demetria, but I'm terrible with names, and I forget that quickly. "You. Do you have a nickname, what do you want me to call you, what do you like to do, and what's your major?"

She plays with the spiral part of her notebook and shyly puts her head down. "Um… my nickname is Demi. I don't want to be called Demetria, call me Demi. I um… I'm… I like to play softball and do gymnastics. I'm majoring in Neonatology…."

"So you're a softball player and a gymnast? That's cool. Are you playing ball for the school?" I ask her just to seem like I'm interested in what she has to say. She seems like a pretty sweet little girl. I can tell by the way she talks that she's a good kid.

"Yeah, I'm actually going to be the starting pitcher for the team."

"That's really cool." I nod at her and move on. "Mr. Zerkosky?" I'm actually pretty decent with names, so the fact that I remember almost all their names already isn't a shock to me. I really like getting to know my students on a more personal level. After all, I do have to spend four semesters with them. Four semesters is a very long time. They'll get to know me and I'll get to know them. It's another one of the reasons why I love to be a teacher.

Tyler looks up. "My nickname's Ty. Call me Ty. I like to draw and play football. I'm majoring in sports medicine." He looks like the type to play football. He's big and burly and really stocky. I wonder if he's any good, because I do like to check out the football games sometimes, when I don't have to watch my girls. Tyler looks back down at his paper and continues to write something down. I don't bother with him anymore. It's the first day; I understand how nervous they all must be.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

"I think I'm gonna transfer out of college algebra. I can tell already that I'm gonna have a hard time in that class." I lean forward and effortlessly go down into my forward split. I rest my elbows on the ground and stretch out my back. "I was talking to Alex last night and he said that Jonas is an asshole when it comes to grading. He said he takes off points for not circling your final answer." I stretch over to one side and hold my foot. "And I already suck at math. I think I'm gonna take another English instead." I put my nose to my kneecap and hold the pose.

"I'm gonna give it until the end of the first semester. If I don't like it by then, I'll switch out to integrated math or calculus." Selena lies flat on her back and pulls her knee to her nose. "I just can't see myself failing classes knowing damn well that if your GPA slips below a 3.5, they don't let you compete in any sports." She leans forward and stretches out her hamstrings. "I know I'm not all that good, but I sure would be pissed if I didn't get to compete in a meet because of my stupid grades. And Jonas seems like an asshole. I just got the "asshole" vibe from him."

"I thought he seemed really nice." I lie flat on my stomach and touch my feet to my head. "He was the only professor today that took the time out to get to know our names and stuff. I thought that was nice. He didn't seem like an asshole to me." I shake my legs out and stand up. "I hate this leo with a passion. It keeps riding up my ass." I pull my leotard out of my crack and adjust it. "But if he's anything like what Alex said, then he really is an ass. Alex told me that he'll give you a zero on a test if you don't put your name on it. Or he'll give you a zero if you don't hand it back after you look over it." I grab my wrists and stretch them out too.

"See, I hate professors like that. The ones that abuse their power are literally SO annoying. Like we know you're the teacher and we're the students. You don't have to keep enforcing it on us." She stands up too and fixes her sparkly green leotard around her boobs. "And he's too young to be that much of an ass. Though, I do like the fact that he said he allows phones and iPods in class. That's cool." She ties her hair up in a high ponytail. "Where are you starting at?"

"I'll start on floor, you can start on beam." I walk over to the TumbleTrak and step up on the steps. She goes behind me to the balance beam. "What kind of tumbling do you want me to do?!" I yell over at my instructor and start bouncing up and down on the trampoline. "Do you want me to do my level eight stuff, or my level seven stuff?" I do a couple toe touches to stretch out my legs. My coach is busy dragging out a mat on the tumble floor. I gulp. I hope that's not for me.

"I want YOU to come over here and try some level eight passes, without the TumbleTrak." She puts the thick blue mat down and waves me over. I jump off the TumbleTrak and look at Selena. She's being spotted on a few aerials on the beam. She's only a level six, but I think if she trained a little more, she could be a level eight like me. I watch her do an aerial flawlessly, but Mr. Dean, her spotter helped her kick over on it, and her feet weren't pointed at the end. That's a deduction.

"Wish me luck." I say to her, rubbing my hands in the bowl of chalk. I've never done level eight stunts off the track before, so I'm pretty confident that I'm going to break my ass or something. I go over to the tumble floor and stand in front of my coach. "…What do you want me to do?" I ask. I crack my knuckles to seem like I'm ready, but I'm scared half to death to do any of my level eight stunts off the TumbleTrak.

"I'll spot you." She stands up and puts her hands on me, one underneath my butt to help me kick over and one on my lower back. "Do your layout motion. Just the motion." She sounds like she means business. I swallow the lump in my throat, jump back and do one good, solid, layout motion. "That was good, Demi. But try to keep your legs extended, you look like you're doing a tuck drill." She lets me go. "Here. Go back into your handstand."

I push my hair out my face and go forward into my handstand. Coach grabs my legs and pushes them forward, making my elbows buckle. "Wait!" I try to collapse myself down but she won't let me. She sighs haughtily and I can tell she's annoyed with me. I've only been training with Miss Charity for a few weeks now, because I had to leave my old gym in order to compete with the school. But I can tell that she hates when I get scared. "I'm sorry…"

"You're gonna hurt yourself if you don't just trust me. I'm not gonna hurt you, Demi." She grabs my hands and pulls them back, stretching my shoulders. "Go to the edge of the mat." She points over. I walk slowly to the edge. She moves off to the side to give me room. "Throw your full layout. Throw it. I know you can do it, because that's level six stuff. Throw it." She sounds angry or something. "You're one of the most talented gymnasts I have in this gym, and you're going to do level eight stunts if it kills you to do them. I want you to be able to throw a double layout off the track by the end of this week."

I take a deep breath, run a little bit and start with a roundoff. From my roundoff, I go into my back handspring and throw my full layout. I don't think Miss Charity realizes that gymnastics is NOT my first priority. Softball is the only sport I truly care about. I do gymnastics for fun. "How was that?" I swat my hair out of my face again and finish with my end pose.

"…Good. Your legs could be straighter, but that was good. Go get a drink, and when you come back, we're starting on your double." She points to the benches. "How's she doing on beam?" She asks Mr. Dean about Selena.

I walk over to the watch room and grab my phone. I don't have anything to drink, and I left my money in my purse in Selena's car. I refuse to drink out the water fountains, so I'll just be thirsty. I sit down on the bench outside in the gym area and check my phone. I have a missed text message from Alex. He asked me where I am. I'll text him back after I leave. I lean forward on my knees and breathe heavy. Man, I want some Gatorade. I look up and grab Selena's purple Gatorade. She won't care if I drink some. "Selena, I'm sipping this." I call to her from across the gym. She shrugs.

I take a long sip of it and breathe hard. I look up in the stands to see who's here. Some people stay and watch gym practice if they don't want to go straight back to dorms after classes. Others wait for their class to begin in the stands. I look around. Is that Dr. Jonas up there? I squint a little. Yeah, that's him. He looks down at me. I look back and wave at him. He probably doesn't remember who I am, because he teaches four classes a day and I'm the last class he teaches, but it's still nice to wave.

"Demi, back over here!" Coach calls to me. I sigh, put my phone down, put Selena's Gatorade down and fix my leotard just to go back to floor. When I glance back up in the stands, Dr. Jonas waves back at me. He looks down at his watch, turns around and leaves.

I wonder why he stayed to watch gym practice.


	2. Text Messages

**Demi's Point of View.**

"So how was your first day of classes, sweetie?" My dad asks me through the camera on my iPad. My dad is my best friend, to say the least. The hardest part about being in college is undoubtedly the hardest part of being away from him. Through the camera, I can tell that he's sitting in the living room, probably watching The Big Bang Theory or Criminal Intent. I wonder where Madison is, but I don't ask, because I know if I talk to Madison, I'll be here all night. "What are your professors like? Do you like any of the classes so far?"

I lay forward on my stomach and kick my legs up. "My classes were good, um… my professors are all jerks. I have ONE female professor, dad, and she's even a bitch." I giggle and fix my hair. "I kind of want to switch out of my algebra class already, because Alex has been telling me that the professor's a jerk that'll fail you for stupid reasons. If that's true, I gotta get out of that class because if my GPA slips below a 3.0, I can't play ball." I explain to him the policy that was explained to me earlier today. "…Heard from mom lately?"

"Yeah, she came over and took Madison to the park for a few hours today." My dad answers me with a sigh in his voice. I roll my eyes at that. "She asked where you were going to school at, I didn't tell her where. I did give her your number though. She might call you, and if she does, keep the claws away. She's your mother and you still need to have some respect for her, you hear?" He adjusts his glasses and scratches his chin hair.

"Yes sir." See, this is why I respect my dad so much. My mom's a heroin addict that's been in and out of me and Madison's lives since I was ten and Maddie was one. The fact that she once left me in the car for three hours while she went to get high is enough to make me hate her, but my dad still wants me to have some degree of respect for her. My dad is a very honorable man, and I don't know what I'd do without him. "Doesn't Maddie start school tomorrow?"

"Yeah, she's in bed already. I had to pull her teeth to get in the shower, and she made me wash her hair for her. So I just got her off to bed. I'm about to hit the sack too. I'm gonna get up and cook her a back-to-school breakfast, so it'll be an early morning for me too." He yawns into the camera. "What time is your first class?"

"8:30. It takes me half an hour to get there by bus, so I'll probably be up around 6:30ish. I have gym time tomorrow too, right after my last class. Can you believe that Miss Charity has me throwing doubles? Fulls, not halfs either. She made me throw a double full on the matt today and I landed flat on my ass." I laugh remembering how I fell, but cringe because laughter makes my tailbone ache again.

He laughs with me. "Be careful up there. I don't want you hurting yourself in gymnastics and not be able to play ball. Ball's the whole reason you're down there in that college for free." He scratches his beard again. "Speaking of softball, I ordered you a college bat; one that's NSA certified and sting-resistant. I ordered your game-face too. Do you need spikes?"

"Yeah, my old ones are rubber and they're really muddy and beat up. In college ball, we're allowed to have metal spikes, so can you get me metal ones? I like the way metal ones feel when I drag my back foot. They did in better than the rubber ones. I need metal ones before first conditioning, because I already talked to the coach and she said she wants to see my pitches the first day of conditioning to see who's gonna start on the mound. If I'm starting, I won't condition with the rest of the team, she has her own conditioning for pitchers with a new pitching coach. I can do without the game-face and the bat for now, I NEED metal spikes, I really wanna start, daddy."

"Alright, I'll go down to Dick's tomorrow. You're a size 6, right?" I nod into the camera. "Okay, I'll get them and mail them up to you. When's first conditioning?"

"Not tomorrow but the day after. Will they be here by then?"

"I don't see why not, Demi. I'm in Phoenix, you're only in Tempe. It's not even 20 minutes away; I can drive the spikes up to you if you want. Why do you keep acting like you're five million hours away from me? It's 20 minutes, babe. Relax."

"I know. I'm sorry." I yawn real big. "I'm just eager, that's all. I really want a starting position. I would cut off my left butt-cheek and sell it to the devil if god came down and said 'Hey, Demi. I'll get you a starting position on the softball team if you cut off your left butt-cheek and give it to the devil himself.' I swear to god I'd do it, dad." I say that with a straight face.

"You're nuts, you know that? You're a crazy little thing. You must get that from your mom, because I didn't raise a nutcase." He laughs and shakes his head. "You have to be up early and I have to be up early too, pumpkin-butt. Let's go to bed now, alright? Facetime me tomorrow after gym time."

"Alright daddy, I will. Love you."

"Love you too honey. And DON'T hurt yourself in that gym tomorrow, Demetria. I mean that."

"I won't, I'll be careful. Bye?"

"Buh-bye."

I tap the "end" button on my iPad and plug it back into the charger next to my dresser. I'm not sure if I like having a single just yet. I would actually like to have a roommate to live with, but then again, having a single is good because I don't have to worry about clashing with anyone. I'm not really a troublemaker or anything. I don't want to sound self-imposed or conceited, but I really am a sweet girl. I don't like to get into fights with anyone, and back in high school; I was voted "most quiet" by my peers. That doesn't mean I'm a lame, though. I actually won homecoming queen my senior year. I think I won it because I was nice to all the weird kids that people were mean to. I'm very non-confrontational, and I'm a good kid, if I do say so myself.

Now, that doesn't mean I don't have a bit of a wild side. I like to go out with friends, and recreationally smoke weed every now and again. I don't like to drink, because last year I drank on New Year's Eve and had a hangover for the next few days. I was fucked up, for lack of a better word. I was considered one of the "pretty girls" in high school, too. My posse and I (my posse being me, my best friend Marissa, my best friend Selena and Selena's cousin Priscilla) were the "popular" ones, but I tried hard not to be like the usual bitchy girls. I tried hard to be nice. Marissa was the "hoe" of the group, Priscilla was the bitch, Selena was the preppy cheerleader and I was the nice one. At least that's how people grouped us. The posse dispersed of course. Selena's here at ASU with me, Marissa goes to Phoenix College (she didn't get accepted here, her grades were too low) and Priscilla goes to Central Arizona College because ASU doesn't offer her major.

With all that being said, I don't think it would be a problem for me having a roommate, had I not been given a single. I get along with mostly everybody. I've really only been in one fist fight before and I won't lie, I lost. I lost, because I was jumped though. This one girl put gum in my hair junior year, and when I found out it was her, I punched her in her face point blank. She didn't fight back then, but after school that day, the girl and her two cousins rode my bus home and beat me up real bad at the bus stop. I didn't suffer any serious injuries, but that's not something I usually admit to people. Selena, Marissa and Priscilla got the girls back for me. Marissa got ahold of their PSATs and erased all their answers on their test booklets. Selena put worms in their lunch. And Priscilla… well, Priscilla had help spreading rumors that all three of the girls were lesbians that had a crush on me. We were a bit theatrical back then. They would always get mad at me because I didn't defend myself that much.

I get up off my bed and pick my underwear out of my butt. I took a shower when I came home from gym time today, so I'm already clean. I'm a bit sleepy, so I think I'm gonna make myself something to eat, get my clothes out for tomorrow and go to sleep. I go to my kitchen and raid my cabinets. You ever have A LOT of food to eat in your house, but at the same time, there's NOTHING to eat? I file through the cabinets. Easy Mac, Beef, Chicken, Shrimp and Oriental flavored Ramen Noodles, Chef Boyardee Ravioli, Beefaroni or Lasagna, Chicken pot pie, Beef pot pie, Turkey pot pie, Cheerios, Raisin Bran, Frosted Flakes, Special K, Honey Bunches of Oats; so much to eat, yet NOTHING that I want. I give up on looking and settle for a container of Beefaroni.

I would make myself something more sensible and filling, but I don't feel like defrosting chicken or hamburger. I peel back the metal part of the Beefaroni container, stick it in the microwave, put it on for two and a half minutes and wait. While I wait, I grab a can of Coca-Cola from my fridge. My dad took me food shopping for my door after move-in day, so I should be set on food for a while. He mainly only bought me microwavable things or things that can be heated up in the stove, because he knows that I hate cooking. It's not that I can't cook, because I can. I just hate to do it.

I take a long sip of my soda and put the can on my counter. During gymnastics season, I usually try to stray away from junk food because it gives me cramps when I run, but I really needed a soda. Still waiting for my food to be finished, I grab my phone and check it. I got my phone as a graduation present. It's one of those iPhone 5s phones. I wanted a car for graduation, but I know a car wasn't feasible for my dad. We are far from broke. We're actually pretty rich, because my dad owns his own law firm for wrongful injuries, but he has to pay a little bit of my tuition, plus Madison's private school tuition so he doesn't really spend his money on pointless things.

When I check my phone, I see that Alex texted me again. I put my thumb on the fingerprint scanner and unlock my phone to check the message.

Alex: What R U doing?

I take a quick gulp of my Coke again and reply.

Me: Making food and going to bed bc I'm tired. Classes kicked my butt today :b

The microwave beeps. I put my phone down and reach up to get my food. I take my container of Beefaroni, my can of soda and my phone and crash onto my bed in my room. I cross my legs and dig in. My phone vibrates with a text back.

Alex: Ohk. I miss u baby n ily. U sed u were gonna come 2 my dorm after gym?

I fork some food into my mouth and text him back.

Me: I was tired, sorry. & your dorm is a whole mile away, I didn't feel like walking. Sorry but I wasn't walking. You could have come over here.

I put my phone back down and sigh. I know I probably just started an argument, but I can't think of a time when I don't cause one. Alex takes everything to heart and he looks for any reason to fight with me.

Alex: Ohk watever den. Why is it dat evrytime u need smth I get it for u but when I need smth u dnt feel like walkin?

I roll my eyes and pick my phone back up.

Me: Why are you arguing with me? You're so childish I stg. Next time you spend all day throwing tricks that could kill you, let me know how much you feel like walking. I was tired, my legs hurt and so does my butt. The only thing you want is sex anyway. Goodnight :b

Alex: Dats not true but watever. Ur my gf and I havnt seen u in like three days da fuck? Bt gn Demi

Me: Goodnight Alex! :bb

Alex: Rs fuck U.

Me: :)

I put my phone on the charger, put my empty container of Beefaroni and my empty can of soda on my dresser and get under my covers. My phone keeps vibrating with more and more messages from him, because he gets so pissed if I don't argue back. I don't have time for him though. He's a junior in college, messing with a freshman. I'm way more mature than he is. I mean, he's really hot and all, and I feel really strongly for him, but he needs to get it together. All he ever wants to do is argue with me. I started messing with him when I was a senior in high school and he was a sophomore in college. Once we started having sex, it's like all of a sudden he thought he owned me. I check the plethora of messages he sent me, just so he can know I read them.

Alex: I cnt stand u

Alex: So now u ignorin me?

Alex: Im childish? Demi ur dumb af

Alex: fine ignore me but ima keep talkin shit to ur weird ass

Alex: ur weird af demi I swear I hate ur dumb ass

Alex: yo ur real fcked up. even if all I want is pussy u shuld just come ova n give it 2 me bc I do evrythin fo still treat me like shit fuc u demi its all good cuz I got more bitches den u ;P

Alex: gn

He's so fucking childish. I'm not the one that'll argue, I'll never argue with you. I hate arguing, it's pointless and it gets nowhere. Instead of arguing, I could put the energy I waste arguing into a punch or something. Arguments are childish as fuck to me. Some of things he says to me used to bother me, but I learned not to give a shit. I don't take any of it to heart anymore. He says all that shit but I know tomorrow when I see him in the hallways, he'll kiss me, hand me flowers or a washed up teddy bear, feel me up and say he's sorry. That's why I just let him talk.

He has some real anger management problems that I really just let go.

I just can't stand when he raises his hand and tries to hit me, though.

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

"I'm feeling really good about this year, babe." I hold Livy's legs up in my hand and wipe her little butt. "There are only 20 kids in my algebra class, 40 kids in my integrated math and 16 kids in my stats class. The numbers are down from last year, but I'd rather teach to a small group, because I feel like they can pay attention better when there aren't as many people." I strap Livy's diaper on and pick her up. She puts her head on my shoulder and sucks her thumb. My girls are too precious. "How was your day at work?"

"I'm glad you had a nice first day back, honey." Bea holds Tori close to her and rocks her. Tori's close to falling asleep. "My day was… uneventful. I can't wait to get out of the oncology ward though. I don't know how much longer I can deal with people dying around me, you know?" She kisses Tori's head and keeps rocking her. "Just a little bit longer until I graduate nursing school, though." She gives me a thumbs up.

I kiss her on her cheek and start to rub Livy's back to put her to sleep. "Yeah, you only have a bit longer to go." I put Olivia down in her crib and give her a kiss. "Who has to pick the girls up tomorrow? Are you gonna do it or do you want me to do it?"

"I'll get them tomorrow. I get off work at 2:30." Bea puts Tori down in her crib across from Livy's and walks over to me to give me a kiss. "Let's go on to bed… we both have long days ahead of us."

"Yeah, we do." I yawn. "Love you, babe." I put my arm around her waist and kiss her on her cheek again.

"Love you too." She says.


	3. Get Off

**Joe's Point of View.**

"So, after grading you guys' first day placement tests, I have a pretty good idea of what we should attack first. Yes, I have your exams with me today, and yes I will pass them back near the end of class." I twist the cap off my red Expo marker and write on the top of the whiteboard. "If you guys would open up your notebooks to a clean sheet of paper, I'm going to really hit hard in my class today." I write the date on top of the board. "What I'm writing now is what I like to call 'the ticker.' Every day we have class together, I will have the ticker on the board up here. When I check your notebooks at the end of the semester, I expect the ticker to be somewhere on the same page as the day's notes." I scribble down the ticker and continue to walk while I write their warm-ups. "Today is the very first day on your ticker. It is Tuesday, August 27th, 2013, Day #1." I put my marker down and sit down on the stool at the front of my room. "I like to start off all my educational learning days off with a warm up that I call, 'Inside the Digits.' Now, some of you may know the answer to the questions I ask, and if you get them right on the first try, one bonus point and three class participation points will go to you."

In the front row, two seats away from where I am, the tiny tan girl raises her hand. Her hair is tied back in a high ponytail today, probably due to the hot weather. She looks at me with a degree of fear in her eyes. I smile at her and try to convince her that I'm easy going. "Yes Selena?" I think that's her name. I'm usually really good t remembering my students' names, but then again, I do have four classes to teach a day. I'm sure if I called her the wrong name, she'd correct me. I stand up and put my hands in my pants pockets.

"Do you want us to write this down? The warm up, I mean. Do we have to write them down? Will you be checking for those in our notebooks when you collect them?" Her voice is small and rather weak. With her question, I see a couple more students nod their heads, signaling that they were wondering the same thing. Perhaps I wasn't clear enough in my explanation, so I clear my throat and explain some more.

"Everything I write down on the board, I expect you to write in your notes. If it's important enough for me to write on the board, it's fair game for your notes. Now, if I'm up here speaking and I say something, you're not responsible for writing that down. You decide if what I say is important enough to write down. If I'm going through your notes and I see something that I say written down, I might give you a bonus point or two." I glance up at the clock. I have 45 minutes of class time left. That's enough to crank out a real good lesson. I clap my hands together and pick my marker back up. "Alright, let's get started with the fun part of class. Let's start with today's Inside the Digits. The question is…" I turn and read what I wrote on the board. "Simplify four to the negative second power. Anyone know the correct answer?" I look around for volunteers. Way in the back, Kyra raises her hand. "Alright, Miss Kennington, you can have a crack at it."

"…Is it -16?" She says that with such confidence. I hate to tell her she's wrong.

"Such a good guess, but it is not negative sixteen." I pace back and forth at the front of my classroom. "What if I told you, class, that when you have a base number raised to a NEGATIVE exponent, the product will ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS be in the form of a fraction? Would that change anyone's answers?" I rock back and forth and clap my hands. "How about you, Miss Demi? Would that little bit of information change your answer?" She sinks down in her seat slightly and just looks at me like she's mortified. She doesn't say anything to me. "There are no wrong answers here in this class, Miss Lovato. Just answers you could have gotten right had you known how to get them right. Do you have a guess for me?"

She puts her pinky finger in her mouth and gnaws off the nail. "…I don't know the answer." Her voice is even softer than Selena's. I sense some shyness in her.

"Tell me what you were thinking, then. If I told you that all base numbers raised to a negative exponent were in the form of a fraction, what would your next guess be?"

"…Negative… no." She looks down at her notebook as if she wrote something down on it that's going to tell her what to tell me. "Would it be positive… positive one over sixteen?"

"…Interesting." I back off her case a little and write that on the whiteboard. "Demi just told me that she thinks the answer would be positive one over sixteen." I circle that on my board. "Demi, would you be so kind as to tell me how you came up with that answer? WHY do you think it's positive one over sixteen?"

She looks like she might burst into tears. "Bec…because…. Um… if you did it in your head, you'd get negative sixteen. And negative sixteen is the same as negative sixteen over one, but you're not supposed to have negatives in the numerator, so you have to move it to denominator and that makes it positive, right?" She bites on her pencil eraser. "Or… no?"

"Excellent, Miss Lovato." I give her a subtle thumbs-up. "Did everyone hear what Demi just said? When you simplify the problem in all technicality, the answer is simply negative sixteen. But, mathematically speaking, negative sixteen is written as negative sixteen over one. And NEVER do you want negative numbers in your numerators. So, in order to make numerators positive, you move them to the denominator, which is why POSITIVE ONE OVER SIXTEEN IS THE CORRECT ANSWER. Good job, Miss Demi."

I grab my bottle of Aquafina off my desk and take a quick sip. "So, now that you all know that ANY BASE RAISED TO A NEGATIVE EXPONENT'S PRODUCT WILL ALWAYS BE A FRACTION, Let's try this." I grab my red marker and write another problem on the board. "Simplify two to the NEGATIVE third power OVER three to the NEGATIVE second power. When you think you have the answer, raise your hand." Within a matter of seconds, Tyler raises his hand. I point to him. "Mr. Zerkosky, do you have the answer?"

"Positive nine eighths, sir." Tyler says with full confidence.

"Correct." I give him a thumbs-up too. "If you're confused as to how Mr. Zerkosky got that answer, let me explain." I screw the cap on my marker and put it on my desk. "You CANNOT simplify, let me repeat, you CANNOT simplify a fraction with NEGATIVE EXPONENTS. So, we have to make the exponents POSITIVE before we can simplify. Taking the advice that Miss Demi offered us little while back, to make something in a fraction positive, RELOCATE it. RELOCATE, RELOCATE, RELOCATE. Since our problem has TWO negative exponents, just flip flop them. When you flip flop them, they become positive, and when they become positive, THEN we can simplify. And when we simplify, we get POSITIVE nine eighths, like Tyler said." I look back up at the clock. Twenty minutes of class left. "I'll tell you guys what. Since it's only the second day, I'll stop there for the day. Tomorrow, we'll start subsets of numbers. Since we did such good work today, I'll assign ten homework problems. Page 175 in your book, numbers one through ten. The rest of class time is yours to get started on them."

I write the homework problems on the board and take a seat at my desk. "If you guys have your iPods on you, feel free to plug them up and listen to them. If you don't have an iPod on you, sorry but you're stuck listening to my music. None of you are sensitive to the "F" word, are you?" I pull up my iTunes on my laptop and just put it on shuffle. I have a few more of my first day statistics placement tests to grade, so I grab a blue sharpie to grade them with. I mouth along the words to the random song that started playing. "I be tryna chill bitches wanna fuck me…" I mark three questions wrong on one of my junior students' paper. Usually only juniors take stats, but I have two sophomores in there this year. "Every city I go fuck me." I can't wait to go home to Tori and Livy. My girls are the light of my life. Blanda and I have been talking about trying to have a son, though.

I look up from the test I'm grading to make sure no one's goofing around too bad. In the front row, Demi is punching things into her calculator and singing along to the song that's playing from my laptop. She's only mouthing the words, but I can see that she doesn't miss a beat. "Real talk, big money, I talk big homes, I sell out arenas, I call that gettin' domes." She mouths the rap part and writes down an answer in her notebook. She continues mouthing the singing part. "One and two and a three and four, come on lemme know if you want some more. You know what I like; that get right, boy talk that talk to me all night. Yeah boy you like it, yeah boy you like it. Love it when you talk that talk to me, yeah. Yeah that talk to me yeah. Love it when you talk that talk to me yeah."

I turn up my speaker a little louder, because it seems like she likes the song.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

When the bell rings to leave algebra, I'm kind of excited to go to the gym. Not the gymnastics gym, but the work out gym. Softball conditioning starts tomorrow and I want to make sure I'm in shape. I gather up my math book and my notebook in my arms. I hold them tight against my body and wait for Selena by the door. "Are you coming to the gym with me? I don't want to work out alone." I poke my lip out in a pleading manner.

"Demi, I have gymnastics gym time today." She says. We both walk out of the classroom together. "You know Miss Charity is going to kill you because she's doing your floor routine today, right? She's already mad at you for chickening out of throwing your double yesterday. I can't believe your balls are big enough to skip out today." She gives me a warning glance. "You're gonna get kicked off the competition team."

I shrug. "I don't give a shit. Gymnastics isn't doing shit for me. I told Charity and Dean both that once softball starts they shouldn't count on me being there." I look down while I walk. "Gymnastics isn't a priority to me, it's just for fun." I look up. "…Oh no." I see Alex walking towards me. He's walking fast, like he's on a mission. I can already guess that his mission is to find me. His face doesn't look friendly, either. He looks like he's still pissed off about the argument we had last night. "…I'll catch up with you later, Selena." I stop walking and let her keep going. I know he's about to holler at me.

Selena turns and looks at me, then at Alex, and back to me again. She rolls her eyes and nods. "See you later, Demi." Selena HATES when I ditch her for Alex. She gets so mad at me. I don't really blame her for anything, because she just doesn't understand that I CAN'T blow him off for her. It would be so much easier if she knew everything, but I can't just tell her these things. Selena's the kind that doesn't take anything lightly. I watch her turn the corner and run down the steps, speed-walking off to the gym. I'm glad she won't have to see this.

When Alex approaches me, he looks even more angry than he did when he was five feet away from me. "So what the fuck is up with you? You think you can just ignore me and walk around campus as the freshman slut?" He grabs my arm and slams me into the cinder-block wall. I hear my shoulder crackle. "What the fuck do you have on, Demi? You want every guy to think you're easy?" He hovers over me and looks down at me in a demeaning way.

"Get a grip, Alex." I roll my eyes and try to walk past him. He grabs me and slams me again, hurting my back this time. People walk by and stare, but no one says anything. "STOP! What's WRONG with you?"

"What's wrong with me?!" He grabs my shorts and pulls on them so hard that they rip. "What's wrong with me?! My girlfriend is walking around campus looking like some sort of prostitute, and something's wrong with ME?" He pulls my shorts down and I hold them up. "GET those short ass shorts off NOW, Demi." He pulls them so far down that I'm almost in my underwear.

"STOP IT!" I hold them up and look around to make sure nobody saw. "NOTHING is wrong with my shorts!"

"OH, SO NOW YOU CARE HOW MUCH OF YOUR ASS EVERYONE SEES?" He pulls my shorts down again. "You want to wear these short ass things out around campus, I'm gonna let everyone see exactly what you're trying to show off!" I pull my shorts back up and he moves on to my t-shirt. "Walking around with your fucking hips hanging out, trying to be a slut…. And something's wrong with ME?" He grabs my shirt and pulls it up. "YEAH, EVERYONE LOOK AT MY GIRLFRIEND! ISN'T SHE HOT?!"

"Alex, STOP!" I push him away from me and hold my shirt down. "NOTHING is wrong with the way I dress, LEAVE ME ALONE." He grabs my shorts. "STOP!" I slap at his wrists. He pulls my shirt up. "I SAID STOP!" Everyone just walks by, but no one does anything still. Why won't someone help me? I'm 5'2 and 127 pounds, I can't stop him. He's 6'5 and 230 pounds of muscle. He grabs my shirt and rips it wide open. "STOP IT!" Finally, he sees I'm serious because I push him hard and cower into the wall, hiding my face. He backs off. "I swear to god we're over." I'm not crying. I'm not sad, I'm just frustrated. I wish I knew how to handle him. I don't defend myself against anyone, I don't know how. "Just leave me alone. Just go."

He steps back and grins. "So you're breaking up with me now?"

I nod. "Yeah. I can't do it anymore. You're just so childish." I hold my shirt closed and push past him. "Don't text me, don't call me, don't come by my dorm. Just leave me alone." Maybe I should go to gym time instead of to work out. At least at gym time, there will be adults there to make sure he doesn't follow me and try to harass me. I walk off in the direction of the gym. I glance back to see if he's following me. He isn't. He punches the wall and goes about his business. I really hope we stay broken up this time.

"Demi!" He screams my name down the hallway. "Demi, GET BACK HERE!"

I ignore him and walk down the same steps Selena walked down to get to the gym. Miss Charity is going to skin me alive for being late, but at least I'm coming. I walk faster down the steps and down the long corridor. I keep my head down as I walk, purely out of habit. When I try to yank the heavy metal door to the gym open, my right arm has a sharp, excruciating pain riveting through it. "Ahh…." I let it go and pull with my left hand. I probably shouldn't go tumble with my arm feeling this way.

I make my way into the gym and go straight to the locker rooms. I walk past the boys' locker room and into the girls' room. I put all my school stuff down on the bench and unlock my personal locker. I know I have a leotard in here somewhere. I rummage through, past the loose shorts and baggy t-shirts. I find one plain black, sparkly leotard. It itches me bad, but it'll have to do. I'll be dead for sure if I walk into the gym in a t-shirt and shorts. I take my leo and go into one of the stalls to change. I wear a lot of thongs thanks to gymnastics, because they're the only things that don't show through my leos. You're not supposed to wear underwear with a leotard, but I do anyway because I feel uncomfortable if I don't. I take all my clothes off except for my bra and thong and put the leo on.

I look in the small body mirror at my arm. It's just a little bit red, but I can totally tell that there's going to be a bruise there by tomorrow. It's a good thing he crushed my right arm and not my left. Even if he did crush my pitching arm, I'd probably still pitch tomorrow with it. I make my way out of the locker room and go into the gym area. I start stretching immediately. Selena looks at me like I'm crazy.

I sit down on the floor and stretch my legs and ankles out. Everyone else is doing their rotations and I'm sitting in the middle of the floor stretching out. I touch my nose to my knee and push my foot forward. I look over at Selena. She's working on her bars. She gives me a cautionary look and mouths, "You're dead meat." I roll my eyes and nod. "What happened?" She mouths again. I give her a puzzled look. "Your arm." She mouths.

"Tell you later." I mouth back. I probably won't tell her later, but it'll buy me some time to think of a lie to tell her. Hovering over me, Miss Charity stands. I'm prepared to get yelled at. I just took a beating from the junior linebacker of the football team. I'm sure I can take some harsh words from my gymnastics trainer. I look up at her and don't say anything. She looks at me like I'm dirt on the bottom of her shoe, disgusted and higher than me.

"…Why are you late?"

"…I had a personal thing I had to take care of." That's not completely a lie. It was something personal. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Demi. I'm taking you to a competition this weekend and you don't even know your floor routine yet. Get up, we have a lot of work to do. Why isn't your hair tied back?"

"I'm sorry, geez." I take my ponytail off my wrist and put my hair up with it. I need to find somewhere to get my hair trimmed on campus, because it's getting to be disgustingly long. It's in a ponytail way at the top of my head but it's still touching the middle of my back. I don't have a thick enough ponytail to put it in a bun so the ponytail will just have to do. "I won't be here tomorrow… I have softball after classes."

"Thanks for telling me in advance."

"You're welcome…"

* * *

After gym time, I gather up my school stuff once more, plug my headphones in and start walking back to my dorm. Usually I'd walk home with Selena, but I don't feel like explaining to her what happened between me and Alex. I just want to be alone for right now. I turn my music on so low that it's just background noise. "Take a breath… take it deep; calm yourself he says to me. If you play, you play for keeps." I mumble the words to Russian Roulette as it plays in my ears. "And you can see my heart beating. You can see it through my chest that I'm terrified but I'm not leaving…"

I'm not exactly worried about Alex catching up for me. I mean, sure I'm scared that he might find me and try to get me to take him back, but he can't make me do something I don't want to do. He can ask me to take him back all he wants but I'm not going to. To be honest, I don't really think I need a boyfriend anyway. It's only my first year of college. I need to get my head in the books and not on boys. I've been dating Alex for two years; I'm beyond ready to move on. At first, he was real nice to me and treated me like a queen. Like I said, after I gave it up to him, he began to think he controlled me. I didn't lose my virginity to him or anything, though. I lost my virginity to this guy at a party during the summer of sophomore year. I never did catch his name, and I never did see him again.

I don't think I'm like most girls, because usually, when a typical girl has sex with a boy, she's all overly attached to him and expects a miracle. When I had sex with the guy, he got on top of me, stayed on top of me for an hour or so, and that was it. He did what he had to do and I had my very first orgasm, but that was it. I never saw him again, I still don't know his name, and I didn't care. I was mostly just happy that I lost it, finally. Marissa lost hers freshman year. Selena lost hers sophomore year, and Priscilla lost hers sophomore year too. I was the only one that was still a virgin, so when I lost it, I think that was the best part.

The only thing I'll miss about Alex is the sex. I assume he's good in bed, but I have no one else to compare to. He got the job done for the most part, so I guess he's decent. Call me strange, but I would rather continue to have sex with him than to start all over with someone else. That's just how I am. I like to have sex with one person and only one person. I don't understand how Marissa did it. She had so many sex partners it's crazy. I could never do that.

I make it back to my dorm and slide my card key into the slot. I'm just going to take a shower and find something to eat. I shut and lock the door behind me and drop all my books and my bags by the door. When I walk into my living room, I stop dead in my tracks and freeze. He's sitting there, right on my couch. Snide grin spread all across his face, shirtless, with menacing eyes. I stumble back towards the door. "H…how did you get in here?"

"Does it matter how? All that matters is that I'm here." He stands up on his feet and looks at me. I can see that his eyes are slightly red around the rims. I think he's been drinking, which is really bad for me. That's REALLY bad for me.

"You have to get out of here, Alex. Get out." I point to the door and breathe heavy. "Get out before I call security… I don't know who you got in here, but you have to get out." I open up the door to show him his way out. "…M...My dad should be here any minute. Get out." I babble. I think my dad is coming over but I'm not entirely sure. I know he has to get my spikes to me somehow, but I don't know if he's going to bring them here or mail them to me. Either way it goes, I have to try anything to get him out of here before he tries anything.

"I'm not leaving until you take me back." He walks over to me and puts his arms around my waist, burying his face deep in my neck. He starts crying in my ear. "Please take me back, baby." His tears get all over my itchy leotard. He sniffs and won't stop holding me. "I love you, you have to take me back…" He kisses me on my lips while his jaws tremble. "I love you."

"Alex, you're drunk." I push him away from me. "Go back to your OWN room."

"Demi, please take me back. I'll kill myself if you don't." He sniffs. "I'll kill myself and you… I swear I'll do it."

"Get out of my room, Alex. I mean it this time. Get out."

"You didn't even give me break up sex, baby…" He wipes his face with his hands and keeps crying. "Every time we break up we at least have break up sex…" He puts his hands on my butt and tries pulling my sweatpants down. "Come on…"

"That's because this time isn't like the other times, now GET OUT. I mean it!" I push him away and just keep pushing him. "Get away from me!" He keeps pulling my sweatpants down, and eventually, I can't do anything about it. After he gets my pants off, he moves on to try and take my leotard off. I keep trying to fight him. "GET OFF! Get off! You're drunk!" I reach behind myself while he's pushing me against the wall. I grab a dull butter knife from my dish rack and try stabbing him in his back with it. It's too dull to do any real damage.

"Come on, Demi." He keeps trying to take my leotard off. I regrip the butter knife in my hand and stab him with the dull part in his neck. I push it in his flesh pretty hard, and gladly, I feel warm, sticky liquid ooze down my hand. He stumbles backwards and looks at me. I really hope I didn't kill him… He reaches behind himself and pulls the knife out from the part behind his ear I stabbed him in. "…I'll be back…" He says through clenched teeth. He looks at me, blows me a kiss and finally leaves my room.

I breathe heavy and slide down the wall to cry. How do I get out of this? I'm scared, I'll admit. How do I get out of this relationship? I tried breaking up with him… I tried. I need help. I don't want to be a tattle tale, but I have to tell my dad. He'll know what to do, I think. With shaky hands, I reach down and dial my dad's number. He's only in Phoenix, like he told me yesterday…

He can be here in 20 minutes.


	4. Help

**Joe's Point of View.**

"Goodnight room, goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon. Goodnight light and the red balloon. Goodnight bears. Goodnight chairs. Goodnight kittens and goodnight mittens. Goodnight clocks. Goodnight socks. Goodnight little house. Goodnight mouse. Goodnight comb. Goodnight brush. Goodnight nobody. Goodnight mush and goodnight to the old lady whispering 'hush.' Goodnight stars. Goodnight air. Goodnight noises everywhere." I turn my head to the side and kiss Olivia's forehead. "Goodnight, beautiful."

Livy moves her head deeper into my chest and her pink pacifier falls out of her mouth. I take it and put it in my own mouth as I stand up to put her in her crib. If the rocking chair in the nursery was a little more comfortable, I probably would have just slept in the room with both my girls. Livy's always the last one to go to sleep. She's so used to being breastfed until she falls asleep. Bea is weaning her off it and she's still taking it pretty hard. I put Liv in the crib with purple bedding and pull her blanket to her neck. I easily have the two most beautiful babies in this entire world. I lean down and kiss her and make sure Tori is still asleep.

I turn the nightlight on and the big lamp off. I shut the door to the nursery and go back into me and Bea's room. "You know what, babe?" I crawl under the covers with her. "I'm in love with our girls. I'm so in love with them." I smile just thinking about Victoria and Olivia. I scoot over and wrap my arms around my wife. "I'm feeling the love tonight… are you?" I kiss Bea on her neck.

"Not tonight, honey. I'm suuuuper tired. The girls wore me out today." Bea pushes me away just slightly. I sigh. "Maybe tomorrow night honey." She kisses me on my lips and smiles. "Let's just go to bed, baby." She turns me down and I just lie on my side of the bed. Me and Bea haven't had sex since a little after Olivia was born. It's been about… six or seven months, I believe. Livy just turned two, and I distinctively remember the last time we had sex being about six and a half months before her birthday.

I know we're both pretty busy. Bea works pretty long hours at the hospital and sometimes I stay after hours to tutor some of my students. But I'm a firm believer that in order to have a healthy relationship, sex is imperative. Every time I try to be intimate with my wife, she has an excuse. I know she's been feeling pretty unattractive since she had the girls. I know for a fact that she's not having an affair though. She doesn't have time. She's either always working or home with our babies. She's just tired, I guess.

I turn on my side and close my eyes. I used to think that sexual frustration was just a myth, but I know now that it's truly not. I miss everything about the intimacy that my wife and I used to have. Bea and I used to have amazing, incredible, steamy, hot sex. We used to do it everywhere; in the shower, in the bed, in the kitchen, on the floor… everywhere. That was when we were younger though, before we had our girls. We haven't had sex like that since before Victoria was born.

I still love my wife, with every bone in my body. I would never consider cheating on her, ever. Blanda's all I ever wanted. She and my girls are everything to me. I think I just need to blow off some steam. I look back at Bea. She's fast asleep already. I grab my phone off the charger and text my brother's wife's brother, Mike.

Mike is hands down my best friend. He helps me with everything. I know it's 9:30 at night, but what the hell? I could use a drink right now, and the bar's only down the street. I've done my husband duties for the night. I washed up all the dishes downstairs and made bottles for the babysitter tomorrow. I did all my daddy duties too. I washed both my little beauties from head to toe and read them to bed. I need some me time now. I get out of bed and kiss Bea on her cheek.

I hope she says we can finally have sex tomorrow, because I'm deprived.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

"_It's real late 'bout a quarter to one. I'm thinking of everything that we've become and I hate it, I thought we could make it. But I'm ready to dead this, just wanna forget about it. I saw her pictures and the letters she sent. You had me thinking you were out with your friends, I'm so foolish; play me like I'm stupid. 'Cause I thought it was just you and I, ohhhh." _I tap the volume button on my bright red Beats Pill speaker and wash the pot I made macaroni in for my dinner. _"Now I look back on the time that we spent and I see it in my mind playing over and over again. 'Cause boy right now you got me breaking down and I just can't figure out why this is what you said… When we ride, we ride it's 'til the day that we die…." _I put the pot in my dish rack and wash my fork. It's always the same thing with Alex and me. I break up with him, he cries, he goes home, I listen to sad break up songs, I feel bad, I take him back. It's an endless cycle that's been repeating itself for the last two years.

"_Visions in my mind of the day that we met, you showed me things that I'll never forget; took me swimming in the ocean. You had my head up in the clouds, made me feel like I'm floating yeaahh..." _The fork goes into the silverware part of the dish rack and I take the plug out of the drain to let the water out. _"You think I'm playing when you know it's the truth. Nobody else can do it quite like I do, all my kisses and my loving… But ain't nobody better than us yeaaahh…" _Maybe I should text him and tell him that I'm sorry. Maybe what I was wearing today **was** a little provocative. I don't think he meant to hit me. Even if he did mean it, I didn't have to stab him.

I pick up my phone. It's 11:47 at night. I haven't seen or spoke to him since around 5:00. I really ought to tell him how truly sorry I am for stabbing him with that knife. I don't think he deserved that. It's not like he was threatening my life. I put my thumb on my home button so my phone can scan my fingerprint and find Alex's contact. Alex and I never did quite have the kind of relationship I always wanted to have with him. I wanted the kind of relationship where we put our names in each other's phones as "babe" or "baby." Alex's name in my phone is "Alexander :\." It always has been and it probably always will be.

Just as I'm about to send him the "I'm sorry…" text message, there's a knock at my front door. A small part of me hopes his him, but the bigger part is scared to death that it just might be. They should really invest in putting peepholes in the doors of our dorms. I shakily walk over to the door and hear my heart beating in my ears. As I put my hand on the doorknob, the blood in my veins pulsates against my skin. I'm so scared that it might be him. I take a slight breath and part my lips. "…W…Who is it?" I ask. If it's him, I doubt that he'll tell me that it is. If it is him, will I answer the door? I would make him angry if I didn't, but then again, I he's already angry from me stabbing him. Would he just listen to me if I wanted to apologize?

"It's me, open your door." Alleviating my nervousness, Selena's soft little voice calls out from behind my shut door. I start breathing normally again and unlatch my latch lock. I open the door for her. She's still in her gym clothes. Her lime green leotard is pretty against her tan skin, and her darker green shorts do nice to offset it. "You left your books and stuff in the locker room. You seemed a little bit… off today. You alright, Dem?" She outstretches her arms to hand me my algebra book, notebook, calculator and bundle of clothes.

"…Yeah, I'm alright. I just haven't been getting much sleep, I guess." I tell a little white lie. I'm a pretty good liar. My dad always said that I would make a good lawyer because bullshit rolls off my tongue so easily. "I'm homesick, I think." I follow up the lie with a half-truth and grab my stuff. "Thanks for bringing all this to me." I examine it to make sure nothing's missing. "Have you been back to your dorm yet? It's like 12:00 and you're still in your gym clothes." I don't know why I'm still talking to her while she's in the hallway. I should have been invited her inside.

"No. Coach kept me until 10:30 so I could perfect my beam routine. Then I had to ride the bus here to bring this to you. I'm exhausted." She admits and looks down at the ground. "I don't know how you do it, Demi. You're a level nine, you work harder than I ever will work, and you're always so perky and happy and upbeat. I'm starving and exhausted… I don't know if I want to level up." She tiredly leans against the door frame and rests her head against the wall.

I'm not as put together as she thinks. I'm nothing short of a hot mess, actually. "Your dorm's an hour's walk away, isn't it?" She nods slowly. She steadies herself and prepares to walk back. Arizona State is such a large campus. I live in the Manzanita Hall and Selena lives in the Adelphi Commons. Our dorms are not close to each other, AT ALL. They house us based on our majors. The fact that I'm a premed student and Selena's a prelaw student is the reason why we live so far apart. Selena lives with other prelaw students and I live with other premed students. We have basically all the same classes as our prerequisites though. "We're going to the same place tomorrow morning, aren't we?" I stop her just as she starts walking. "Why don't you just stay here for the night instead of walking back? It makes sense. We have to be up at the same time to go to the same place. I don't want you walking an hour back to your dorm… come on." I stand aside and invite her in.

"…Can I borrow something to sleep in and something to wear tomorrow morning?" She asks through a wide-mouthed yawn.

"Mhm." I nod and shut the door behind her. I put the regular lock on and the latch lock to make sure we stay safe. "Do you want something to eat too? You said you're hungry, didn't you? I have plenty of food…" I push the "off" button on my Beats Pill and open up my microwavable cabinet. "Help yourself. I made myself macaroni earlier, so I'm not hungry." I jump up and sit on my counter. I sip my CapriSun and swing my feet. "I have stuff in the freezer, too." I've been around Selena for basically all my life and we really depend on each other. I'd do anything for her and I know she feels the same about me. I know I'm not Selena's best friend, which is why I try to refrain from calling her mine, but if I ever did have a best friend she'd be it. Her cousin Priscilla is her best friend, which used to bum me out but it doesn't really bother me that much anymore.

"You're a lifesaver, Demi." She grabs a frozen chicken pot pie from my freezer and opens it up. "I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever, though. What's up, chick?" She stabs a hole in the top of the pie with a fork and puts it in the microwave for five minutes. She goes in my fridge and grabs herself a can of Sprite. One thing I really like about Selena is that she's just really outgoing and bold. She's not afraid to put herself out there and she really knows how to make herself at home no matter where she's at. I wish I was like that, to be honest. "What did Alex have to talk to you about earlier? He seemed kinda pissed… something with football? I knew she was leading up to that. I know Selena way too well.

"Yeah. His coach benched him for the first game because he owes some money to the library or something." I drum my fingers along my countertop and sigh. I don't enjoy lying to people, I just so happen to be really good at it. "I broke up with him today, so he'll probably be pissed off tomorrow too." I realize that I can't expect to be Selena's best friend if I don't talk to her like she's mine. I lie to her way too much, so I'm just going to tell the truth now. "…His coach didn't really bench him… I'm sorry." I look down at the dull brown carpet and keep swinging my feet.

"So he wasn't really mad at the fact his coach benched him?" She takes her pot pie out of the microwave and stabs it repetitively with her fork to make sure it's done. "Then what was he mad at? He looked really pissed." She sprinkles salt and pepper in her pie, stirs it again and sits at my kitchen table to eat it. She blows on the first bite and puts it in her mouth. "Demi, we've been friends for like… fourteen years or something like that." Damn. The more I think about it, the more I know she's right. I've known her since I was like three, maybe four. We were both in the same beginner gymnastics class. "And you STILL get all weird when it comes to telling me shit. …Especially shit I already kinda sorta know."

"…What do you already 'kinda sorta know'?" I ask. I look up at her, but she's not looking at me. She's busy crushing her pot pie. I can never tell when Selena's hungry, but she eats just to eat most of the time. But I really think she was hungry with this one, because she's shoving everything in the pie into her mouth. "…I'll tell you if you're right…"

"He hits you, doesn't he?" She finally looks up from her pie and at me. I can't stomach looking her in her eye, so I put my head back down. "…At least that's what I've gathered. Sometimes you get all stiff and jittery when he comes around. And sometimes you have blood… around the tip of your nose… like right after you've seen him." She pushes the empty pie tin away from her and goes silent for a brief moment. "I saw him today… when he slammed you into the wall. How come you never said anything about it?"

"…What am I supposed to say, Selena? What am I supposed to do about it?" I look at her and see that she looks a little bit angry. "Go to campus security and say, 'hey. You know that Alex Deleon kid? Yeah, the one that's the starting linebacker for the football team. He throws me into walls and tries to rape me nearly every day. Can you please keep him away from me?' Alex's reputation is scot-free. And you know how football players are looked upon on campus. They're basically royalty. Who's going to believe a scrub-ass freshman like me?"

"He _raped_ you?" Her eyes get wide and her face goes pale.

"No. But he tries to… he tried to today. Until I stabbed him with a butter knife." I sigh again. "It just sucks, Selena. Because I'd have sex with him if he really asked, but he doesn't. He just assumes that I want to do it, so he throws himself on me. And sometimes I can't get him off. Like today, I couldn't get him off. So I stabbed him…" I put my tongue in my cheek like I always do to keep from crying. "I feel so bad about it, Selena. I STABBED him… he was actually bleeding from the back of his head. What if I really hurt him? What if he's REALLY hurt? He could press charges on me, can't he?"

"Demi… do NOT feel guilty!" She gets up from her chair and stomps over to me. "He tried to RAPE you, and you feel sorry for him?!" She grabs my t-shirt and pulls it up, exposing the big, circular shaped bruise I have on my shoulder. "He HIT YOU!" She lifts my arm and makes me look at it. "He tried to rape you and he threw you into a WALL, Demi. A WALL. Don't you DARE feel sorry for him, are you crazy?!" She lets my arm go and shakes her head. "You defended yourself the only way you could. That's not a crime, Demi. He's a bastard. And you need to tell your dad."

"No WAY, Selena. You know my dad! You KNOW how he is! He'd kill Alex, you KNOW he would. You saw how he acted when he heard Alex call me a bitch! Selena, he almost went to JAIL for BATTERY the last time Alex called me a bitch. He just called me a bitch! Can you imagine what he'd do to him if he found out he tried to rape me? Or that he actually hit me? I don't want my dad to go to jail…"

"Demi, you have to tell somebody!"

"I'm telling you!"

"DEMI, I CAN'T PROTECT YOU FROM THIS!" She grips my arms and shakes me violently. "SNAP OUT OF IT! THIS IS NOT YOU!" She keeps her hands on my arms. "You need to put his ASS in jail! I don't care HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM. He tried to RAPE you, plus he BEATS YOU. I'm NOT going to stand around and watch him hurt you." She has tears in her eyes. "Demi, I love you. You've been my best friend for fourteen years. I'm not gonna watch him hurt you. Demi, he could kill you if you don't get away from him for good. Please listen to me. I'm not going to lose my best friend because some fucking punk beats her and she's too dumb to tell anyone. Either you tell your dad or I tell him for you."

"…I love you too Selena." I lean forward and give her a hug. "….I'll tell my dad. Just give me time, alright?"

"…I'll give you until the end of tomorrow to tell him, but that's it."

"…Fair enough."

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

"Take your time on the quiz, guys. It's the first real grade in the grade book. 50 points. Take your time." I'm really feeling those four beers I had last night, so a quiz is going to be the only thing we do today. I sit at my desk and grade the papers from integrated math. There are only ten minutes left in class. They should be able to get the quiz done in ten minutes, I think. There are only eight questions on the quiz. Three are definitions from their notes and the other five are problems to solve using the relocate method we learned yesterday. It didn't take me that long to make the key, so I presume that it won't take them that long to finish it. I'll have them graded by tonight and I'll give it back to them tomorrow.

I turn the shuffle on my iTunes and play music for them while they test. I find myself whispering the lyrics along while I check through with a blue Sharpie. I check all my tests with blue markers. "One day you're screaming you love me loud, the next day you're so cold." I write a big 100% on the top of this paper and circle it. I move on to the next. "Sippin' from your cup til it runneth over… holy grail." The bell for dismissal rings and everyone gets up out of their seats. I pause my music and stand up at my desk to address them before they run out of here.

"Before you guys run out of here, leave your tests on my desk! If I don't have your test, it's a zero! Have a nice rest of your day, alright?" I put a basket on the edge of my desk for them to put their tests in. I watch all twenty of them to make sure none of them forget to hand me their tests. I would hate to give any of them a zero already because it's their first time having me. 1…2….3….4…5…6.7.8….9…10…11…12…13…14…15.16.17….18…19….20. Woah, one's a little bit blank. I look up to see who was the last person to turn their test in, because the last one has a few blank questions. "…Miss Lovato!" I call her back.

She stops dead in her tracks. "…Yes?" She back pedals a little bit.

"….Are you going to finish your test?" I hand it back to her. "…Or do you want to turn it in like this?"

"…I don't… know what to do." She admits. She looks at the door like she's desperate to get out of here. "I don't understand those questions." She tucks her curly deep black hair behind her ear and holds onto her wrist in a nervous action. "You can just mark those ones wrong."

"Demi, you can stay after for a little bit, if you want. I don't have anything left to do besides do some plans for my 5:00 class. I'll help you out. Sit down." I pull a chair beside my desk for her.

"I have softball practice today, I can't…"

"What time does your practice start?"

"…4:15."

"That's in an hour. Sit down, Demi. I'll help you out."

She sits down next to me at my desk. "….I don't understand what to do when you have two negatives in one." She flips her hair and leans over the desk and points to her problem. "When can I simplify and when can't I simplify? Like… I don't know when."

"Well remember, you have to relocate your negatives first." I use my black pen and show her how to do it. "Even when there's only one negative you have to relocate. But when you have two… they just flip flop places. Once you rid yourself of the negatives, then you can simplify. So when you simplify this one, you would get what?"

"….Positive…." She scratches her head. "Hold on, I have to get my calculator." She bends over and grabs her calculator from her bag. I know I shouldn't be looking, but I can't help but notice that her white-washed, blue jean shorts dig into her legs because they're so tight. As if it's not 97 degrees outside today, she has on a dark blue and white tight v-neck shirt with quarter-length sleeves and the Abercrombie moose on her left breast. The shirt rises up at the bottom, and I see two little sparkly diamonds on her hips. I can't help but ask.

"Do you have your _hips _pierced?"

She sheepishly pulls her shirt down over her stomach. "Oh… yeah." She blushes and puts her hair behind her ear again. "…I went through a phase where I wanted everything pierced. I was young and dumb…"

"I've never seen hip piercings before." I shake my head and get back to the math. "So what'd you get for that answer?"

"Positive one half."

"Good job, that's correct." I applaud her. "So since you know what you're doing now, why don't you just try to do the last two on your own?" She nods and starts punching things into her calculator. "…So which one do you prefer? Gymnastics or softball? Which one are you better at?"

"…I think I'm better at softball, and I prefer softball." She smiles and writes down her last two answers. She closes her calculator and sits back in the chair I pulled up at my desk. "I mean, I guess I'm good at gymnastics too. I'm a level nine, and I'm one of the top stunters in the gym."

"So you do all that fancy stuff? The flipping and the… skinny little bar thing that you have to flip on? Do you do the bars too?" I grab her finished test and start checking it right in front of her. First question, right. Second, right. Third, right. Fourth, wrong. "What's that other thing called?"

She watches me grade her test. "Yeah, I do floor, which is tumbling. And the beam. I don't do good on bars and the vault isn't my best either. I do my best on floor and beam. I usually place really high."

"Do you guys have games for that? Like don't you compete for the school?" She got one question on the entire test wrong. She got a 94%. "And good job on your test."

"Thanks…." She smiles again. "And yeah. We have meets. I have one this Saturday, actually. It's at the gym on campus. All these schools are coming, I think. It's an invitational… opening thing." She shrugs. "You should come. I saw you at gym time the other day… I thought you knew more about it."

"Nah… I don't know much about gymnastics. I sometimes go around and watch practices if I need to kill time, though. You and Selena were doing really good from what I saw." I hand her the test and let her look over it. "I know more about softball, though. I'll come check your softball games out. What are you? Second baseman?"

"Pitcher."

"Sweet." I take a sip of my Aquafina. "I might come check out your gymnastics competition, too though. What time is it on Saturday? I might bring one of my girls."

"It starts at 12:30."

"I'll see what I can do. It depends on how the girls feel about going. Sometimes they don't like to leave the house much. They're brats, but I love them to death. Plus, I have to ask my wife if I can take them. She's sort of a germaphobe."

She chuckles. "…Well, I'm gonna go now, Mr. Jonas. Thanks for the help on the quiz… thanks a lot." She stands up, and I look at her shorts again. She's really short and tiny, but I'm surprised at how gorgeous she is. She's actually very pretty. Her hair touches the middle of her white shirt in the back and swings as she walks away. She seems like a really sweet girl. I'm glad I helped her out. I would have hated to see her fail.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Demi."

"See ya." She waves at me and shuts the door behind her.


	5. Show Me Something

"You have like… the most perfect body, Demi, literally." Selena compliments me while we both lay on our backs, tanning. She really knows how to make me let loose. Softball conditioning was horrible today. All my coach did was run us from start to finish. I didn't even throw pitches today. All we did was run suicides after suicides after suicides. A relax session at the pool is just what I needed. Granted that neither me nor Selena have cars, we have to rely on walking to get to the pool. It's not like it's that far of a walk. We would probably save a lot of energy if we just went to the campus pool, but the campus pool is always super crowded with upperclassmen. So we just settled to walk the half mile to the community pool.

"It could be better." I shrug and pull back my bikini bottoms to see if I have tan lines yet. "I wish I had your hair and your skin tone and your boobs. Mine need to be a little bigger." I sit up and give up on getting a tan. "You know how I stayed after today? In Jonas's class?" I adjust the cups on my boobs and rummage through my beach bag in search of my money. I'm in need of something to drink. "He helped me pass my test. But anyway, I was sitting there working through this problem, and he saw my dermals. He asked about them. I guess like… the way I was sitting, my shirt came up and he saw them."

"What was Jonas doing looking below your neck?" Her eyes widen and she gives me a playful grin. "Why do you attract all the older guys?" She sits up and faces me. "I mean, I don't blame him. If I were a guy, I'd think you're hot too. I'm just trying to figure out why finding someone your age seems to be a problem for you." She must notice that I can't seem to find my money because she reaches in her drawstring bag and hands me a $5 bill.

"First of all, I don't think it's like that. I don't think he was checking me out or anything. He's married and he kept talking about his daughters. And second of all, I don't like guys our age. I swear it seems like all guys our ages are so fucking immature." I take the money and hold it in my hand. "Then again, older guys can't do anything for me either. Alex has to be the dumbest motherfucker I've ever known, and he's FOUR years older than me. He didn't do shit for me… except give good head." I giggle and cross my legs.

"Well I knew there had to be some reason you stayed with him." She nudges me. "He's not the sexiest thing I've ever seen. **Something** about him had to be good. You need a relationship like how David treats me. I'm not bragging or anything, but he treats me so good. You deserve that too, Demi. Like… David's coming to our meet. He's driving all the way down from Northland Pioneer to see our meet, then he's taking me to eat and to the movies after. You need somebody like that." She reaches out and rubs me on my shoulder.

"Well I'm happy for you, Selena." I give her a genuine smile. I really am happy for her. I'm happy that she found someone that'll treat her right. David's actually attractive, and he treats her very well. My dad's been friends with the Henrie's for a very long time and he comes from good people. I'm glad Selena has someone like him. I never told her this, but at first, David was interested in me. I turned him down and told him that I had a very good friend that he might like. Later that same week, he and Selena had their very first date. It's actually kind of nice to know that I kind of set them up. They're cute together. "I'm going up to the concession stand. Do you want something?"

"Yeah, get me a bottle of water." She lies back down in her tanning position and holds her phone up. I assume she's either texting or taking a picture. Knowing Selena, she's probably sending a snapchat to David. I've had Selena's phone while she was in the middle of snapchatting David before, and let's just say that I know a little more about what David looks like below the waist than I'd care to know. I've seen Selena's boobs snapchatted before too, but those don't bother me because I've seen them in live action a billion different times. Selena, Marissa and Priscilla have all seen each other naked before, and I've seen the three of them naked before. I'm a pretty private person, so I try not to let them see me. I don't think they ever have. I think Selena's seen one of my buttcheeks before, and Marissa's seen a glimpse of my boobs, but I really try not to let that happen. That's one thing they used to tease me about, actually. They used to tease and poke fun of me because when we'd change together, I'd cover up and they wouldn't.

I walk to the concession stand at sit at a bar stool to get some service. If I wouldn't totally get carded, I would so get something alcoholic. The bar worker walks over to me and smiles. She's wearing a cute little mini skirt and a white blouse. Her hair is blonde and it's curly, the kind of hair I wish I could have. "What can I do for you, sweetie?" She's drying off a glass in her hand.

"Can I have a bottle of water and an iced tea, please?" I hand her the five bucks and smile back. She nods and walks over to a cash register. She pushes a couple buttons on the register, gets my change and walks over to a freezer. She pulls a bottle of Dasani and a bottle of Pure Leaf out of the freezer and hands me the money and the drinks. "Thank you." I gather everything up in my arms and go back to Selena. She's sitting up and looking behind the concession stand, where the kiddie pool is. "Here." I hand her her change and the water. "Whatcha lookin at?"

"…Is that Jonas?" She pulls her sunglasses up and squints her eyes as if she's looking really far away. I kneel down beside her and look in her line of vision. I squint a little too. "It looks like him, but I'm not sure. Is his wife a blonde?"

I shrug and keep watching the man that looks like my algebra teacher. He's tall, lean and very muscular like Mr. Jonas. He has a large cross tattoo on his right bicep and a smaller tattoo on his left forearm. I've never seen Jonas's tattoos, but then again, I've never seen him in anything less than a long-sleeved, button-up shirt. He hoists a small child above his head and she puts her legs around his shoulders. "Yeah, that's him." I'm sure, because the woman next to him is holding a smaller child and he has two daughters. "Let's go say hi." I stand up and motion for her to follow me. I slide on my flip flops and start walking up the trail. She just stays right where she is. Selena is so lazy.

"You go ahead, I don't feel like it. That's just weird that you're going to say hi to our math teacher. You're in your bathing suit and he's shirtless… and you're going to say hi to him. That's really weird. You're taking this whole 'teacher's pet' thing to the extreme there, Dems." Selena throws the sarcasm on thick.

"I'm not a teacher's pet… it's just a nice thing to do. I'll be back, I'm going to say hi. You guys all think he's a jerk, but he was really nice to me today." I reason with her and start walking again. She's so mean sometimes. Not to mention, Selena has a quality way of making me feel like a lump. She makes it seem like being a nice person is so overrated. I was also voted "biggest sweetheart" in high school by my teachers. I take pride in that. I don't think it's being a "teacher's pet" saying hi to him… is it? I walk to the kiddie pool and cross my arms around my chest because my bathing suit is a little skimpy and I don't want him to think that I'm sleazy. "Hey, Mr. Jonas." I say in my nice voice. You ever notice that you have two different voices? You have your regular voice and the voice you use when you're trying to act like you're the world's biggest saint. You also have that prim and proper voice you use to answer the phone when a stranger calls you, but that's way beside my point.

He turns around quickly with the little girl on his shoulders. Immediately, he smiles at me. "Oh, hi Demi. What are you doing so far off campus?" He rubs the little girl's feet and holds her tight. I look up and admire her long, dark brown hair. She's really adorable. I think she looks like him in a way.

"Just enjoying the day at the pool." I smile warmly at him. "…Do you live in the area?"

"Yeah, we live just up the block, actually. Thought the girls would enjoy a day at the pool too. We have one in our backyard, but it's not the same as being around other kids, you know?" He looks up at the cute kid with her hands rested on top of his head. "This is my oldest, Victoria. She's a little shy." He smiles up at her. "And the one with my wife is little Livy." He turns his head towards his wife. "Hey, babe. Come here." He waves his wife over.

The tall, thin woman walks over to us with the smaller child in her hand. The smaller one's hair is a little bit lighter than the bigger one's, but they're both super cute. His wife is kind of pretty. She looks like she might have just stepped off the runway. She's very tall with long legs. Through her one piece bathing suit, I can tell that she's awfully flat-chested and her hair is very long and a very light shade of brown. Her eyes are a glistening blue/green, and the only flaw that I can pick out is that her forehead is a little bit too wide. Other than that, she's gorgeous.

"Babe, this Demi, one of my little freshmen. She's in my algebra class. She's the one I stayed after to help out for a little bit today, remember?" He introduces me to his wife. I smile and hold my hand out to her.

She shakes my hand softly. "Of course. Joe's actually told me a lot about you. Are you the gymnast? He asked me if he could take the girls to your meet on Saturday."

I nod. "Yes, that's me."

"Show me something, Demi." Mr. Jonas puts Victoria down in the pool water and smiles at me. "Can you flip or something?"

"…I don't really like to do tricks. It makes me feel like a dog and it attracts attention." I pull my fingers back to stretch out my wrists. "But since you asked nicely…" I wind my arms up in circles to stretch my shoulders. "I can't really do anything major… because my feet will slip." I hate doing my tricks for people, because I don't want people to think that I'm a show off. My dad put me in gymnastics because I had too much energy as a baby. I don't people to think that I'm just a show off that likes to brag about what I can do but others can't. "Do you like… wanna see a flip? Or is like… a walkover okay?"

"Do whatever you want, I want to see something cool." He picks up Victoria again and has her watch me too. His wife is holding Olivia and they're both watching me also. I don't know why I still get nervous when people watch me tumble. I've been doing it since I was three, you would think that I wouldn't get nervous anymore.

"…Okay." I walk over to a clearing in the grass. I'll freak out and end up hurting myself if I tumble on concrete. The easiest thing for me to do is probably a back handspring, but I'll feel bad if I show them something that boring while they're all ready for a show. I guess I could do a tuck. "…Don't look at my face, okay? I make the weirdest faces when I tumble." I lick my lips and bite down on my bottom. I jump up, pull my knees in to my stomach tight, and tuck backwards. On my landing, I stumble a little but don't fall. I still haven't quite figured out how to stick my standing tuck landings.

They all clap for me and I smile. Even the little girl that Mr. Jonas is holding claps. I used to promise Madison that I'd teach her how to tumble, but I never quite got around to it. I don't know what it is about flipping, but little kids seem to love it. I quickly do a backbend and kick over to a back walkover. That's the easiest thing I can do with limited grips on my feet. Mr. Jonas claps his hands again. "You make it look so easy… is it easy?"

"Uh… kind of." I step into the kiddie pool to clean my feet off. "Not easy to do without hurting yourself… easy to do once you learn it."

"Have you ever hurt yourself?"

"…Yeah. I broke my ankle once, doing a tuck on the beam. It just… snapped. Like… I came down and it snapped. I threw up, it hurt so bad. But I got a 8.25 on it, and I got silver. All my injuries come from the beam. I almost broke my ass bone on the beam once. I split it."

"What's that mean?"

"Splitting the beam is when you… like… when you're doing an element on the beam…. And you just.. split it. Right between your legs."

"Oooooh. That sounds like it hurts."

"It does hurt." The more I look at Mr. Jonas, the more I see that he's actually really good looking. His eyes are really pretty, even though they're brown. He has a rock hard, chiseled body. His muscles and abs look like they were carved out of a wooden figurine. He's not very tall, but he's taller than me. The veins in his muscles pulsate and make themselves apparent. His hair is tousled and really messy. He's not that bad looking, for a teacher. "Mr. Jonas, I was just wondering if I could maybe come by your room tomorrow morning? I um… still need a little bit of help on the simplifying thing…"

"Yeah, you can stop by around 7, if you want. That's usually when I'm planning out my day."

"Okay. I'll see you then."

He's not bad looking at all.

* * *

**Joe's Point ****of View.**

"Mike… when I tell you she's fine, I tell you she's FINE." I sip my second beer and swivel around in the barstool. "I've never seen a girl that looked like that before. I really haven't. She's skinny, but not too skinny. She has her belly pierced and these two little diamond studs on her hips. Her hair is like… dark and it's all thick. I'm telling you, Mike." I take another sip of beer and shake my head.

Mike chuckles and smacks his beer can off mine. "You got that, bro. All I'm gonna say is that you were pretty young when you got married. I don't think you were ready to get married, but you are. You're married, bro. Keep inappropriate thoughts to yourself and don't act on them. I don't advise you to cheat on your wife. I advise you to stop thinking about that girl like that, before you get yourself and her in trouble."

"Technically I can't get in trouble. It's not illegal to have sex with a student when she's over eighteen. It's unethical… and very risky, but it's not illegal." I down the last gulp of my beer and slide the can across the bar table. "But I never said that I wanted to do her. I just said she's hot. There's a difference." I burp loud and order one more beer. "Besides, I don't think I could ever bring myself to actually cheat on Blanda. I couldn't do that, I don't think. I'd feel too guilty."

"…We'll then." Mike orders himself another beer too. "Still, keep all dirty thoughts to yourself, dude."

"Sure." I can't promise that I won't think about Demi in any disgusting ways. I can't promise that I won't check her out or anything like that. I can't promise that I won't daydream and wonder what she might be like in bed. But I can promise that I won't cheat on my wife. I won't cheat on my wife.

And I don't make promises I can't keep.


	6. Call Me

"Well are you coming or not?" I hold the phone to my ear hard. I really don't want to cry right before I go on. I could really hurt myself by crying right before I go on. "I TOLD YOU IT STARTS AT 12:30!" I sit down on the benches in the locker room and bite my lip to suck it up. He's never there for me when it comes to gymnastics, I swear. That's part of the reason why I hate competing so much. I'm actually a good gymnast, and he wouldn't know it because he's only been to like one meet. "They're having a little dinner afterwards for the competitors and their families! But my trainer wants to meet you… She wants to tell you how good I've gotten…" I blink once and hold my tears back. "THAT'S NOT TRUE! I TOLD YOU IT STARTS AT 12:30! YES! BECAUSE I'M IRRITATED! IT'S SO FREAKING ANNOYING HOW YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING BUT BALL. AND YOU WONDER WHY I HATE COMPETING SO MUCH…"

"First of all Demetria, lower your damn tone. I said I forgot, alright? You NEVER told me what time it started, Demi. And you KNOW you didn't tell me what time it started. You just told me that it was on Saturday. I guess I'm supposed to know through osmosis what time your goddamn gymnastics meet started, right? Furthermore, I'm not sure who you think you're talking to. I FORGOT, DEMI. Plus you never told me when it started. Get over yourself. I'll make it if I can. I'm not going out of my way to make it to your meet. I have to get Madison up, dressed, fed and MAYBE if we make it, we'll come. Get a grip. Your coach will have plenty more times to meet me. Stop acting like the world revolves around you, Demetria. You're selfish and I'm sick of it."

Tears just start rolling down my cheeks, collecting in puddles on the sandy colored wood of the bench. "You're never here for me, Dad. If it's not softball, you don't care. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I need support on something other than softball? Dad, I trained all summer for this first meet. I've been putting in long hours at the gym. I've peeled callouses off my hands the size of quarters, all for this moment. And you're gonna miss it? And you're gonna tell me I have no right to be upset with you for missing it? You're never here for me when it comes to my gymnastics… and it sucks. It sucks when everyone else looks up in the bleachers and sees their parents and I don't have anyone there for me. Daddy, I win! I win medals and trophies and I get scouted by other colleges! I don't know what to say to the scouts… you're never here." I wipe my tears away and sniff. "I gotta go warm up. I'll talk to you later."

Before he even gets the chance to say anything else to me, I hang up the phone and stand up. I'm so glad that nobody's down here in this locker room with me. I really hate when people see me cry; it's one of my pet peeves. I walk over to the paper towel dispenser and wipe my face with the hard brown paper towels. I have to suck it up and go perform. I look at myself in the mirror to see if my makeup is messed up. Miss Charity makes us wear bright red eye shadow with sparkles in it. My hair is tied up in a high ponytail with a yellow ponytail holder. I adjust my leotard, grab my phone and walk up the hallway to the gym. I think the bright red and yellow leotards we have to wear are ugly.

When I get up to the gym area, I walk over to Selena. She's practicing on the beam doing her aerials. Selena's our strongest competitor on the beam today. She's expected to bring us home the gold medal, and I think she could probably do it. "Dad coming?" She asks. She knew why I went to the locker room in the first place. She does another aerial before dismounting and walking over to me. "The doors are shutting in a half hour, does he know that?" Selena knows about my dad's constant absence. She's been the one I cry to about it ever since we were little.

"Surprise, surprise. He's not coming. He said he forgot and that I didn't tell him what time it started. But I know damn well I told him, Selena. I KNOW I told him." I stretch out my wrists by rolling them around in circles. "I'm not even going to worry about it and upset myself. There's no sense in doing that. He doesn't care about anything that isn't softball, and I knew that. I don't even know why I asked him to come." I pull my leg up and straighten it out while balancing on my other leg. "I should be used to never having someone here to support me. I probably do better without people here anyway." I shrug and stretch out my other leg. "Who are we up against anyway? I know UCLA's here, Oregon's here, Oklahoma's here and so is Nebraska. Anyone else?" I stretch my arms.

"No, I think that's it." She practices a couple toe touches. I do a couple seconds of a scorpion to stretch my back out. Before either one of us can finish fully warming ourselves up, the sound people turn on the music. Miss Charity told us yesterday that when they start the music, get to our benches because that means they've closed the doors and they're about to start the meet. In an effort to cheer me up, Selena jumps on my back and sings to me along to the song that's playing. "Say whatcha wanna say and let the words fall out. Honestly, I wanna see you be brave!"

I giggle and hold her up so she doesn't fall. I carry her on my back over to our bench. "I'm not feeling very brave today, Selena." I put her down when we get to our bench. The other members of our team are calm, cool and collected. They've all done this before. Selena and I are the only freshmen on the competition team. Everyone else is either a senior or a junior. There are no sophomores on the competition team. I guess Selena and I are the only ones that made it. "I feel like I'm gonna pee."

She laughs. "Whatever you do, don't pee. And don't worry about your dad not being here. I'm here for you, and I'm all you need. I'm your biggest fan anyway." She combs her fingers through my wavy ponytail. Selena always gives me lots of encouragement like this. It's one of my favorite things about her. "You is kiiiiind. You is smaaaaaart. You is important." She makes her voice mimic Mae Moebley's voice from "The Help." I smile and fix a spot where her makeup smudged.

"And you are a strong, independent black woman who doesn't need no man." I encourage her back. We've been saying those things to each other since junior year of high school. It's sort of a ritual. We do our special little handshake that we made up back in fourth grade and sit down on the bench. I swear, every time we do our handshake, we both do well in the meet. We tested the theory once by not doing it before a meet. I got third place in every event and Selena didn't even place. So I guess it's safe to say we're superstitious about the shake now.

I pick up my phone to see what time it is. It's 12:32. This is officially happening. I'm so nervous. I see that I have one unread text message, though. I click it and open it up. It's from my dad.

Daddy: Sorry I can't be there 2day pumpkin butt. im really going 2 try 2 make it tho. I know u will do fine. Kick ass n bring me home a medal. Love u demi and im very proud of u. I do care about gymnastics. Do ur thing and just kno that daddy is very proud to call u my daughter. B careful! -dad.

I smile and click out of the text message just as Miss Charity comes over to the bench. I know my dad cares, I just wish he'd support me sometimes. "Demi, you're on beam first. Selena, go to bars. Megan go to floor. Lauren go to vault. Everyone else follow me." Miss Charity seems really nervous with the way she's barking her orders at us. I walk over to beam like she told me.

Selena walks behind me to go to bars. "Rock n Roll, babe. I wanna see that gold." She smacks my ass through my leotard and runs over to her station. I give her a subtle thumbs up and get in the line at the beam. I'm after the Nebraskan competitor. I stretch out my legs and mentally prepare myself for the beam. This is honestly unlike any meet I've ever been to. Usually, the whole team does one event at a time. I guess it's so different because it's an invitational and there's so many to get through. Maybe that's why they grouped us all up like this.

I stretch out my legs and look up in the crowd. There are so many people here. I don't think I've ever competed in front of so many. I don't see a single empty seat in the stands. I do see someone standing up, holding a sign that says "GO LADY SUNDEVILS!," in yellow paint. I didn't know we had a fanbase or anything of that nature. I keep scanning the ground. One sign sticks out to me in particular. It's small, but I notice it. It says "GO DEMI!" in red marker. Mr. Jonas' oldest daughter is holding it up while he holds her in his arms. I smile at that. At least somebody's here to support me… I turn and wave at him. It really means a lot to me that he's here, even if he is only my algebra teacher.

I take my spot to wait my turn on beam. I won't lie. I'm terribly nervous; nervous that I'll fall and bust my head open, nervous that I'll get eaten alive because the girls that I'm up against are all seniors. I know that I'm a good competitor and with all of us being level nines, we have the same skill range. But I'm still nervous that their experience and technicality will beat me. It sucks even more because I'm first to go up because I'm a freshman. I just have to focus, I think. Focus on my routine and tune everything else out. "With the first rotation comes contestant number 31 first up on the vault, Carly Geraldine, the senior for the UCLA Bruins; contestant number 43 on the uneven bars, Selena Gomez, the freshman for the Lady Sun Devils; contestant number 4 on floor, Layla Jenkins, the senior for the Ducks; and rounding out the first rotation is the freshman contestant number 52, Demetria Lovato on the beam for the Lady Sun Devils." The announcer says, which is all of our cues to get in the starting position.

I put my feet on the dark blue mat and pose up to signal to the judges that I'm ready to begin. I take one deep breath and mount the beam, remembering to keep my legs straight. I've never wanted to get a ten as bad as I want one right now. I really want to show Mr. Jonas something. Plus, I want to show that freshmen can do it big. I put my hands flat on the beam, lock my elbows and push myself up into a handstand. I get a few claps for that. Once I'm in a handstand, I swing back down and do a few arm poses. I'm trying not to think so hard about this. I swing and pull myself up so that I'm standing on my feet. I swear my routine doesn't go along to my music AT ALL, but I perform to it anyway. On my tiptoes, I walk with a graceful stride to the end of the beam. I do three back walkovers in a row and finish off with a back tuck. I don't even stumble, I nailed that.

I do my double toe touch and stumble just a little bit. That's one deduction. I kind of wonder how Selena's doing over there on bars. I know bars aren't really her strongest, but I bet she's doing amazing over there. I spin so that I'm facing the way I'll dismount the beam. I do one aerial and two front walkovers so that I'm at the end of the beam. I take a deep breath. My dismount is the hardest part of my whole routine. I take two hard running steps and do a round off. Out of my round off, I go into a back handspring. I finish off with my double full twist. Oh shit, I'm going to fall. I can feel it. When my feet hit the ground, I try my hardest to stick it. I squeeze my ankles together, balance myself and do my end pose. I stuck it. I smile, proud of myself and walk off the matt. Miss Charity is the first person that greets me. "That was awesome, Demi. That was amazing. You nailed it! I only counted one deduction. That was great, kid. Your double twist was PERFECT."

I smile and try to catch my breath. "Thank you." I grab a quick drink from my water bottle and smile some more. I look up to see my score. I got a 9.82. Okay, I'll take that. Almost a ten. It's gonna be real hard for anybody to catch up to me with that. I look up in the stands and sigh. I really wish my dad was here.

"I'm starving…" I run over to Selena during intermission and jump up on her. "How'd you do?" I ask her, stealing one of her peach rings. If there's one thing that Selena is obsessed with, it's peach rings. She ALWAYS has them on her. We've only one two events so far. I've only gotten through beam and vault. Selena's done bars and floor. After the intermission, we're going to switch off. "I got a 9.82 on beam and a 9.00 on vault." I take another peach ring.

She chews on her candy obnoxiously. "I got a 8.94 on floor and a 7.66 on bars." She hands me the bag so I can have the remaining four peach rings in it. "Come to the concession stand with me. I want some more Gatorade. I got money, I'll pay for whatever you want." She hands me my pair of jogging pants and she puts hers on. I yank mine on too. "I don't want to eat anything because David's taking me out and all that jazz. But if you're hungry I'll grab you something to snack on."

"I'm not gonna eat anything, especially before I do floor and bars. I'll blow chunks everywhere if I do." I tie my pants around the waistband so they don't fall off. We both walk outside to the concession stand. "I just want a bag of chips or something." I throw away the empty bag of peach rings. "So where are you and David going to eat? Are you going somewhere around campus or are you going back to like… Phoenix area?"

"Probably back to Phoenix area knowing him." She looks past me with smiling eyes. "Incoming." I turn around to look. Walking toward us is Mr. Jonas with his eldest daughter. I guess he didn't bring the littler one after all. He's holding her hand while she tries to keep up with his long strides. "I'll leave you to talk to your friend." She winks at me and goes over to the concession stand for herself.

I walk over and meet Mr. Jonas halfway, smiling. "Hey, you came!" I rock back and forth on my feet and keep smiling at him. Is it weird that I'm friends with my professor? He's actually one of my closest friends. Plus, he came to my meet. I'm really surprised and glad that he came. Again, is it weird that I'm friends with my professor? "Hi Victoria." I wave to the little girl too.

"Say hi, Tori." He tries to get her to say hi but she completely ignores him. "She's shy." He stops trying to get her to speak and just turns his attention to me. "You're doing good, Demi. That little trick you did on the balance beam was real cool. Tori said she wants to be a gymnast too. She's really getting a kick out of watching you."

"I'm really glad you came. I really wasn't expecting you to…" I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear and keep smiling at him. Why do I feel like flirting with him? I know he's my teacher and it's pretty weird, but I can't help it. He's attractive. Teacher or not, he's attractive.

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

"You asked me to come, why wouldn't I?" I stare at Demi's lips. They look really soft and kissable. The way they tug up into her smile puts me in a trance. Her teeth are perfectly aligned and snowy white. I notice the beauty mark she has beside her mouth. The beauty mark is kissable too. Her collarbones jut out prominently and her hair falls in curls to the middle of her back even though it's tied up in a ponytail. She's really pretty.

"I don't know. I assumed you had better things to do." She shrugs and plays with her hair. I can tell that she does the hair thing when she's nervous. Demi's readable. I can read her like a book. I replay what Mike said over and over again in my head. Keep my bad thoughts to myself. What kind of man am I to want to cheat on my wife with a student? I trace Demi's eyes and find that she's looking a little below my waist. I'm staring at her chest. If I look hard enough, I could find her nipples through her leotard. I feel the angering frustration rising up inside me. Frustrated with myself for waiting Demi so bad.

"Nah, I don't really have anything to do today." I pick Tori up and put her on my hip. "What about you? Are you doing anything after you leave here?"

"Probably just gonna go soak in a bathtub. I'm always sore after my meets."

"You're not gonna go hang out with friends?"

"…What friends?"

I chuckle at that. I can't imagine that she really doesn't have a friend or a boyfriend. She's entirely too pretty to be completely lonely. I've never met someone pretty and so hot at the same time. "You have to have some friends, don't you? You hang out with Miss Gomez an awful lot, don't you? Isn't that your friend?"

"Well, yeah. But she's going out with her boyfriend after the meet, so I have nothing else to do. Maybe I'll catch up on some sleep or something." I watch as she takes her hair out of her ponytail and shakes it. When she shakes it, I get a whiff of cucumbers or something like that. It's not the same kind of shampoo my wife uses; I'd be able to tell if it were. "They invited me to dinner too, but I'd rather not be the third wheel, you know? That'd be so awkward."

"You don't have a boyfriend?"

She shakes her head. "Not anymore. Broke up with him the other day. He was an idiot."

"Most guys are."

"DEMI! HI, HONEY. Oh, you're getting to be such a good gymnast!" Demi's face turns from happy to sour as a woman with long, reddish blonde hair stands behind her and hugs her from behind. The woman is really short, with really long hair. She's very thin, entirely too thin. Her arms are seared with circular scars and many tattoos. Demi doesn't look too happy to see her. "Honey, look how pretty you are! Your hair and your eyes…" The woman keeps hugging Demi and Demi's face is very, very sour.

"…Mr. Jonas, I have to go now… it was nice talking to you." Demi says quickly and turns away from me. Immediately after she dismisses me, she begins talking to the woman. I take her hint and leave, but I eavesdrop as I walk away. "Mom, what you doing here? You're not supposed to be here. Who even told you to come?!"

"Demi, that's no way to great your mother… I missed you, honey." The woman, her mother, belches and slurs her words like she's intoxicated. "Eddie told me he was on his way to your meet and I wanted to come too so I brought myself… Aren't you happy to see me?"

"You're drunk."

"Listen here, Demi. I didn't drive all this way to get into this with you." Her mother pulls her into another hug. Demi stays stiff as a board. "Baby, I love you!" Her mother belches again. "Your daddy said he's gonna let me spend the day with you and my Maddie. Got this house with my new boyfriend, you're gonna love it. It's right next to the… the amusement park in Phoenix. I even got you a bedroom. With a nice pool in the back yard. You want to come back with me today?"

"…No. I have to go compete." Demi shrugs her mother off. "…Come back when you're sober." She storms off in the direction of the gym, and her mother follows her. I think Demi's crying. "Just LEAVE ME ALONE!" She stops walking and screams at her. "Just go away and leave me alone, mom. You're drunk… and probably high. Just leave me alone." Demi starts walking again and this time her mother doesn't follow.

"I still love you, honey! Do your best!" She yells after her.

Once I'm out of earshot from her mother, I walk fast with Tori still on my hip to catch up with Demi. I hear her crying as she's walking. "Demi… Demi, wait. Wait up…" I call after her. Victoria is fast asleep on my shoulder, sucking on her pacifier. Demi stops walking and looks back at me. Her thick, curly, beautiful black hair flows out around her chest and collects in her face. "…Are you okay?" I ask her.

"I'm fine." She rolls her eyes. "Sorry you had to see that…" She sniffs and wipes her eyes. "That's my mother… and she's a mess, as you can see." She yanks her hair back up into her ponytail. "Intermission's almost over… I have to go. Thanks again for coming, Mr. Jonas."

"Wait, Demi." I stop her. "…If you… if you ever need to talk, just… call me, okay?" I know I could get into trouble for giving her my number, but I've always been a bit of a rule breaker anyway, so the risk is nothing to me. "My number's 612-555-6543. I'll email it to you in case you forget."

"…I will. I've really gotta go now." She doesn't look okay. She looks like her mom really shook her up. I just hope she has a clear mind when she goes back to doing her tricks.

I really don't want her to hurt herself.


	7. Don't Think About It

"_Every night you cry yourself to sleep thinkin' 'Why does this happen to me, why does every moment have to be sooo hard?' I do believe that it's not over tonight. Just give me one more chance to make it right. I may not make it through the night but I won't go home without you. Oh, it's not over tonight just give me one more chance to make it right. I may not make it through the night, I won't go home without you."_ I mouth the lyrics and scoop a small pile of potatoes on my sectional plate. I'm starving and this is the moment I've been waiting for all meet. I couldn't wait for it to be over so that I could finally pig out. I use the tongs to put two pieces of fried chicken tenders on my plate and move on to the pasta salad. I know I should be proud of the four, cold, hard gold medallions hanging around my neck but I really don't care about them. I'm not trying to sound selfish or anything, because I know there are a few other girls on my team that would appreciate having the medals, but they really mean nothing to me. After I finish serving myself, I grab a can of iced tea and look around for a spot to sit. I'm really trying not to be jealous of the girls with their parents here, but I'm struggling. I find a spot over in a corner to sit down and eat. The spaces next to me are where my dad and Madison would sit, if they were here.

This is really supposed to be a family thing, yet I'm alone. I look around and watch my teammates, excited and boasting and showing off their silver and bronze medals that some of them won. The girls we competed against are acting the same way. One of the girls from Nebraska is showing her mom and dad her medal. She didn't win anything today except for the participation medal, but her parents still wrap their arms around her and let them know how proud of her they are. It probably sounds funny, but I would trade all my medals in for that little "participant" medal and a hug from a cohesive and coherent mother and a proud-no-matter-what father. I stab my fork into a springy noodle that's in the pasta salad and put it in my mouth. _I should be over all the butterflies, I'm into you. Baby even on the worst night, I'm into you. Let 'em wonder how we got this far cause I don't really need to wonder at all. _I tap my foot under the table along to the music and sing along inside my head.

My dad always taught me that it's disrespectful to sing or dance at the dinner table, so by force of habit, I don't sing out loud. I really wish Selena would have stayed after at least for a little while, but I know that she and David were eager to go out by themselves and I respect that. I kind of wish I had a boyfriend like David. One that's good looking, supportive of me and reminding that I'm pretty. I know that I'm not ugly, but I could always use the reassurance. If I had a penny for every time I hear David tell Selena how "perfect", "flawless" and "gorgeous" she is, I'd be a fucking trillionaire. I'm not jealous of Selena, though. I am by no standards jealous of her. I'm very happy for her; she's my best friend and she deserves every ounce of happiness. I just wish I knew what that kind of happiness felt like, you know? I dunk one of my chicken tenders into some ketchup and take a bite out of it.

A tall, lean man approaches my table. He has short, crop-cut hair and a suit on. The eyeglasses he's wearing add a nice touch of sophistication. "Hi there, Demi." He extends his hand out and hands me a small purple card with white writing on it. I properly wipe my hands on my napkin (any other time I'd wipe them on my pants, no shame) and take the card from him while finishing off the bite of food in my mouth. "My name is Gene Fisher, chief athletic counselor and director at Northwestern University. Are your parents here, by any chance? I would love the opportunity to sit down and talk with you and them, if you don't mind."

I swallow a bite of food and smile at him. I'm running out of things to say to scouts. "Um, no… my dad isn't here today, it's just me, as you can see." I hold my hand out and shake his. "Demetria Lovato, nice to meet you sir. What can I do for you?" I ask him. I repeat the exact same conversation starters I always use. By this point, I already know what I can do for him. I could pack up all my shit and attend whatever college he said he's from. That's what he wants from me. I really wish my dad was here. He'd know what to say to him. Sometimes I think I can handle myself, but most of them start sweet-talking me about how they could pay for my meal plan, my dorm and offer me expense-free training. I never know what exactly to say to them.

"I was wondering what you have planned for your sophomore year here at ASU? Because if you have nothing planned, I really think that coming to train with us at Northwestern could really benefit you. You have a very bright future, Miss Lovato. I'm seeing Olympic Games in your future; Olympic gold medal. I have never seen a freshman level nine dismount a beam with a double full twist and land it as flawlessly as you did. I've also never seen a freshman put up numbers like yours, nothing below a 9.00? That's unheard of. Do you realize that you have a very special gift?"

"…Thank you, sir." I take a sip of my tea and smile again. "Um, it's something that I'll have to discuss with my dad. You know, being from Arizona, in state tuition is much cheaper than out of state… My dad's not a millionaire…" I lick my lips and look down at my plate. I'm not even hungry anymore. I really just wish my dad was here. "I'll definitely get back to you though, sir. Thanks for your consideration."

"No, Demi. Thank you for your time. My number's on that card, get back to me whenever you can. I'd really love to work with you." He nods his head at me and walks away. I really don't know what to say to scouts anymore. It's always the same thing, and it's getting pretty old. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm ready to go back to my dorm and sit in my bathtub and take a nap. Today's just been a long day for me. I got up at nine this morning, competed, had to deal with my drunken mother and I'm just so tired. I push out from the table and throw away my plate full of food. I grab my gym bag and my phone and head out of the party room.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that a lot of people want to speak to me today. I won a gold medal on every single event. I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone, so I just sneak out through the back door. I wonder what kind of homework I have to do. I think I have something for American Literature but I'm not sure. Maybe I'll just dedicate all of today to homework and sleep. It's only 2:30 in the afternoon, so I still have a good eight or so hours to get some extra work done. I could catch the bus back to my dorm, but I'd rather walk. The fresh air could only do me some good. I don't bother calling my dad to tell him how I did at the meet. I don't really think he'd care anyway.

I can't stop thinking about my mom, though. She used to be my hero, my everything. I used to think so highly of her. Back when I was younger and didn't know the magnitude of what my mom actually was, I thought she was the greatest person ever. She used to take me out to get ice cream and when she got pregnant with my sister, I used to go to every prenatal visit with her. It wasn't until she went to jail for the first time that I realized exactly what kind of person she was. She was in jail for two years, and when she got out, I was twelve. I didn't see her much when she got out either, because she was court ordered that she attended rehab and AA meetings. The funny thing about AA is that it never helped her. I don't think it could help her out much when alcohol isn't the root of her issues. She's a heroin addict, and until they treat her for heroin addiction, she won't get better. Truly, I believe that she will die. But I try not to think that way.

Sometimes I wish I could have a good relationship with her. I wish that when she hugged me, she didn't smell like booze. I wish that I could have enjoyed having her in the stands. It sucks that the only family member I had supporting me today was my drug addicted mother. My dad, the one that's been raising me and Madison alone for YEARS didn't even come to my meet. Should it mean something to me that my mom came? Drunk or not, she still came. As much as I don't want to admit it, I love my mom dearly. She's my mom.

As if a higher being read my thoughts, while I'm walking up the street from the gym, my phone buzzes in my hand. I slide my finger across the lock screen and answer it. "What do you want, mom?" She never calls me, but I know she has my number. I have her number too. The background in the phone is noiseless, I wonder where she is. "Mom?!" It's still quiet. My stomach starts churning. "MOM, WHAT'S WRONG?" I still hear nothing from her. "MOM, I'M NOT KIDDING CAN YOU HEAR ME?" I push the phone against my ear. "Mom…"

"Demi? Honey, can you hear me?" Her voice finally breaks through the receiver and I sigh in relief. "Sorry sweetie, I was walking through a dead zone. Anyway, we're waiting for you. Me and Jeff are waiting here at uh.. uh… the Pizza Hut for you. Are you gonna come? Do you need a ride? Jeff said he'll come scoop you up if you need him to."

"Mom, I just want to go lie down. I don't feel like doing anything."

"Oh. Well, that's okay honey. I could catch you later. You want to do dinner tomorrow? Whenever is fine, baby. Jeff just really wants to meet you and I want to catch up with you. I took Madison to the park last week; I really want to catch up with you now. We can do dinner or a movie… or both. Whichever you want honey." Her tone is nothing short of begging. I swallow a hard lump in my throat and sigh.

"…Just give me a minute. I'll be at the restaurant in like… ten minutes, alright?" I change the direction I'm walking in and lug my gym bag back in the direction of downtown Tempe. One of the things I love about the Tempe campus is that EVERYTHING is in walking distance. The restaurant plaza is only half a mile away from the gym complex. I could complain about walking all the way to Pizza Hut on sore legs, but I used to run a mile a day during gym conditioning. "…Love you too." I mumble before I hang up the phone. I take off my medals so that they don't jingle the entire walk there. I stuff them in my gym bag and walk along the sidewalk to the restaurant plaza. I'm not really looking forward to having dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. But there are just some things I can't tolerate; like my mom's begging, for instance.

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

"Mike, I'm losing it here." I yank Tori's sleeves up so that she can eat without getting dirty and sit her down on the bright red bench so she can eat her Happy Meal. Bea HATES it when I feed the girls junk and fast food, but to make up for it, I substituted Tori's French fries and soft drink with apples and chocolate milk. The only thing really fattening are her chicken nuggets. I crack open her milk and her container of barbecue sauce. "I saw her again today and I seriously don't know if I can do this. If you knew what she looked like Mike, you'd understand." I take Tori's toy away from her. "Eat, Victoria Michelle. I'll give you the toy back after you eat eat, baby."

Mike sits across from me and Tori and laughs at me. "She can't possibly be that hot, dude. You've just got it bad." He takes a gulp of his sweet tea and continues to laugh. "Is she really that fine?" He takes the toy from me and hands it back to Victoria. Mike has a baby on the way, so he doesn't quite understand what it's like to be a father just yet. But if I wanted Victoria to have the toy, I would have given her the toy. "What exactly does she look like? Big tits, nice ass? Cute face?"

"Well she doesn't quite have the biggest boobs around, but they're decent. They're bigger than Bea's, that's for sure. And they're perfect. I saw them in her bathing suit and they looked perfect. And yeah, her ass is pretty big. She's a gymnast, so she has thick, muscular thighs." I wipe Tori's face off and let her keep eating. "Mike, when I saw her today, I thanked GOD that Victoria was on my hip. If I didn't have my baby with me, I would have jumped her. Right then and there, I would have jumped her and banged the hell out of her. All I want to do is eat her. Screw the boobs and her ass, I just wanna eat her."

"Booh! Booh!" Victoria kicks her feet and repeats after me. "Booh, Dada… Booh!"

"Yeah. Boobs, Tori." I kiss her cheek and pick some fuzz out of her hair. Boy am I glad she's only three and doesn't know what any of this means. Granted, if my daughter knew what the things I'm saying meant, I wouldn't say them in front of her. But she doesn't know what I'm saying so I don't worry about it so much. Tori's at the age where she repeats nearly everything I say, but as long as I don't say Demi's name, I don't think it matters what she repeats to my wife. "Eat more apples, honey." I hand her another apple slice. "I want you to get full." Tori takes the apple from my hand and eats it. "Oh yeah, and I gave her my number today." I mention to Mike.

"NO YOU DIDN'T! DUDE." Mike's mouth drops and his eyes widen.

I nod. I'm already slightly ashamed of myself for giving my number to Demi, but I'm even more ashamed that I really can't wait for her to either text or call me. "Look, Mike. Just look at her." I grab my work phone from my back pocket and pull up my student ID list. Every teacher that has a work phone has a student ID log on it. It's there so that we can send reminders and class cancelation alerts out to their emails. I pull up Demi's ID profile. Her picture's on it. It's the same picture that's on her student ID card key. I show Mike the picture. "Look at her, Mike."

Mike gazes at the picture on my phone. "…Ehh… I need more to judge her from. She's got a cute face though, I'll give you that. Looks like jailbait to me, though. I still think you need to slow your roll." He gets up and throws his iced tea away. "The last thing you need is to get caught cheating on your wife with your student. I mean, I know I shouldn't be talking about cheating on wives, but still. You and Bea's relationship has been pretty good since you got married, it'd be a shame to mess that up over one little piece of ass."

"The sad thing is…" I put Tori down and let her go play in the play place. I keep a keen eye on her to make sure nothing happens to her though. "I don't think I'd be feeling this way if it hadn't been months since my wife and I have had sex. Bea won't even let me so much as finger her without pushing me away. It's been so long. I'd probably still think that Demi's hot, but I don't think that I'd be wanting her as bad as I am if it hadn't been so long. Every single time I see her, I just get so frustrated and pissed off that I want her that much. I'm beginning to think that the only way I'm ever going to beat this is to just do it. Keep her after class one day and just… bend her over my desk… make her cream… and be done with it."

"Look, dude. I can't offer you any advice, because I haven't been there before. The only thing I can tell you is DON'T get caught, and DON'T get your feelings all up in it. What are you really gonna do if you sleep with that little girl? Are you still gonna be able to teach her and act like nothing's wrong between the two of you? Furthermore, how do you even know she wants to do it? What if she doesn't want to fuck you?"

"I don't know, Mike." I grip my hair and pull hard. "I'm just frustrated with myself. I've been teaching for years now, and I've never caught myself acting this way. I need to snap out of it. I REALLY need to snap out of it before I do anything I regret. I'm really not trying to vent to you, but it's like…. I feel my marriage falling apart. Blanda and I hardly ever see each other. We don't have sex, we don't show each other affection other than a kiss hello or a kiss goodbye. We hardly ever see each other. I'm always working, she's always working. Either she's with the babies or I'm with the babies. What am I supposed to do? Watch my marriage fall apart at the seams?"

"….I know, dude. Look… you're my boy. You've been my boy for a while now. And I don't wanna see you act like this. So… if you think it'll make you happy, go for it. If you really think banging one of your students will make you happy and satisfied, go for it. As for your marriage… you have to talk to Bea. Before you make ANY rash decisions, talk to her. Let her know how you're feeling. For all you know, she could be feeling the same way. She could be having an affair on you. I'm just saying."

I sigh. "You're right… you're right."

So I'll talk to Blanda before we go to bed tonight. Mike's right. We can't fix anything if she doesn't even know what's wrong.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

I promised myself that I wasn't going to do it. I swore I wouldn't do it. But after dinner with my mom and Jeff, I really need to talk. He said I could text him if I needed to talk. I won't go right into spilling the details of what happened at dinner, but I really need to get my mind off it. I shut the door to my dorm behind myself after I'm finally home for the night. I run my hands through my hard, hair-sprayed ponytail and slide down the wall to cry. I need to get my mind completely off what happened at dinner. My heart starts thundering and pounding fast as my mind keeps forcing me to relive it. I feel like my throat is closing and I can't breathe. Dear god, I can't breathe.

"_So Demi, you really don't have a boyfriend or anyone you could have gone out with?"_

"_No. I broke up with my boyfriend…"_

"_Why'd you break up with him?"_

"…_He wasn't very nice to me."_

"_He wasn't NICE to you? Or was he just frustrated that you wouldn't give it up?"_

"…_He beat me up." _

"_Beat YOU up or beat IT up?" He presses his nasty, beer infested lips to my neck and stuffs his hand between my legs. I wish my mom would come back from the bathroom already, but then again, I'm not sure if she'd even do anything about it if she was here. She'd probably just let Jeff go. "Who could blame him?" His hand works my folds below my waist. He glances up, sees my mom coming and jumps off me so fast. He really did that to me… that happened._

I grab my phone out of the pocket of my jogging pants and click on "Messages." I send him a text message and pray that he replies. I can't breathe. I really can't breathe. My head hurts, my heart hurts, I can't breathe. My mom's boyfriend touched me today… and I can't tell anybody about it. I wish to GOD I had somebody I could trust enough to tell. I trust Selena, but she never replied or answered her phone when I called to tell her. I tried telling her as soon as it happened, but she didn't reply to my text. I tried to call her when I went to the bathroom after it happened, but she didn't answer. She's the only person I can tell…

Me: Hey it's demi.

I stand up off the floor and stumble to my bathroom. I grab onto the walls and plop down on the toilet. I'm so nauseous. I'm nauseous, nervous, and downright freaked out. I wish I could tell my mom what he did to me. I wish she'd care. My phone buzzes in my hand and I grab it.

Him: Hey demi. Are you ok? You seemed pretty messed at the meet today.

Me: Yeah I'm fine. I just don't know how to deal with my mom sometimes :p

Him: Oh. well your mom seems like she loves you a lot even tho she acted like that and she was all messed up and stuff.

Me: I guess she does love me. Thanks for asking me if I was okay though ;D

Him: No problem. So are you ok in your classes too?

Me: Yeah. The test on Monday is on exponential rules right?

Him: Yes ma'am.

Me: okay… can I have some extra help on that? Maybe I can come in early Monday morning or something?

Him: Monday morning isn't good for me. you busy 2morrow?

Me: I have softball til 4 but after that I'm free :p

Him: Can u meet me at the campus park? I can tutor you tomorrow but not Monday morning sorry.

Me: it's okay. Tomorrow is okay too. uhhh what time?

Him: 6?

Me: Okay that's fine. I can't wait to see you now :b you're a cool teacher you know.

Him: Thanks demi. I cant wait to see you either. You're a cool little freshie.

Am I getting flirtatious with my teacher? I really think I am, but I can't tell if this is even real. What's even weirder is that it feels right. That's the weird thing.

Me: thanks :p so how are you?

Him: I'm okay.

All of a sudden, my feelings about what Jeff did today just goes away. I'm not so upset anymore. I can breathe. I'm alright.

And it's all because I'm talking to him.


	8. Pros and Cons

I write down my last answer and slide the paper across the table at him so he can check it. "So did your daughter have fun yesterday at my meet?" I put my elbows on the table and hold my face up with my hands. It's sweltering hot outside today, and I really wish I wasn't sweating in front of my gorgeous algebra teacher. I really hope my eyeliner and mascara doesn't run from my sweat. "You said she had fun watching me, right? Did she go home and tell your wife how much fun she had?" It doesn't help that I don't have a ponytail on me, either. My hair is charcoal black and resting all over my back and shoulders. He's wearing a light blue t-shirt and a pair of blue jean shorts, and he's not even sweating. Here I'm in a bright pink camisole and pink and black cheetah spotted shorts, and I'm sweating like a pig. I kick off my flip flops underneath the table and let my toes get tangled up in the soft green grass.

"Oh, yes." He checks off a couple wrong answers on the practice test he gave me. "She had a blast! Afterwards, I took her to McDonald's to grab a bite to eat and she got all tired out from the play place, so when I brought her home, she was asleep. But when she woke up from her nap, that's all she was talking about. She really wants to do gymnastics now. I really wish I could afford to put her in proper classes, because she's been somersaulting all over the place ever since. She's a crazy little thing." Wait, pause. Did he say he wishes he had the money to afford it? Gymnastics classes ARE really expensive, but I thought for sure that college professors made a decent amount of money. Decent enough to pay for classes, that is.

"…I could teach her. I used to instruct the beginner classes at my old gym, so I know how." I shrug and extend my serious offer. "So then we could be even. You could help me with my work and I could teach your daughter gymnastics. If your wife doesn't mind, that is." I hope that I am able to teach his daughter, because then I would have all the more reason to keep seeing him. I think I'm developing a slight crush on Mr. Jonas, but it's only a crush. I could never and I would never admit to him that I really like him. I'd rather be his friend then just a student with no connections to him whatsoever. "Maybe like… once a week if I'm not busy. With softball and gym, I can get pretty busy. But Thursdays are usually my off days…"

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea, but I don't think my wife would allow you to do it for free." He passes back my practice test once he grades it all the way through. "She doesn't really kid around about things like that. She'd feel guilty if we didn't pay you, even if you and I are working out a little plan for me to help you while you teach her. She'd still want to pay you." He catches a strand of my hair in the wind as it blows and tucks it behind my ear. "You have a lot of hair." He takes a quick sip of Aquafina water that he brought here with him and wipes his mouth. "So let's just say that I talk to my wife and she agrees to you teaching Tori gymnastics for free. Would you come to the house to teach her in the backyard or something? We _do_ have a trampoline."

"Yeah, I could come to your house if you want. I don't know how my dorm would work, so I guess it'd have to be your house. You live here in Tempe, right? I think there's a bus line that runs through the neighborhoods. It's not like I've never walked anywhere." I don't know how well this will be received, but I think it'll be alright because he touched me. So I go out on a limb, reach out and swat a little black bug away from his hand. His hand is so soft. When the bug comes back, I swat it away again. After I swat, he turns his hand over and holds mine. I can't help but crack a smile.

"And what if my wife says no to you teaching my daughter?" He lets my hand go quickly, as if he knows that he isn't supposed to do that. He smiles at me. His smile is so hypnotizing. I'm mesmerized by it, locked in a trance under his spell and it won't dare to let go. "If she says no, then what do you say? Screw it, you tried?" I trace his eyes and see that he's staring at my chest. If it were anybody else, I'd pull the focus from my chest to my face. But it's him, so I don't care. He can look at my chest all he wants, I don't care.

"…Then I would say that's too bad, but we have to find another reason to see each other." I look at his lips. They're so perfectly shaped. They look really soft. I just want one… single kiss. I can't believe I really just said that to my teacher. Then again, when I think about him, I don't think of him as my teacher. He's a man, a good looking man. Ten years older, but who cares? It's not illegal to flirt with and have a crush on your college professor. I'm not underage and he's not THAT much older than me. "…What would you say?" I pull my attention off his pink lips and look back up at his eyes. The only downfall is that he's married, I believe.

"I would say that you're right." He keeps staring at my boobs. If he looked any harder, he'd probably drool. I'm wearing the bombshell I bought myself with my graduation money, which makes my boobs look ten thousand times bigger than what they actually are. "S…so… do y..you have uh… a pretty good handle on this?" He stutters but successfully redirects both our attentions to the fact that we're here for school-related reasons. "Anything else you need me to go over?"

"Nope." I shake my head. "Nothing. Just uh…" I look at the paper trying to conjure up questions on the subject material, but I can't find any. All jokes aside, he is an excellent math teacher and he really made me understand it. I don't have any more questions to ask him but I would really like to find some. I just want to keep talking to him. "I think I'm going to forget this by tomorrow… are you SURE that I can't swing by tomorrow morning before the test? You know, just to refresh my memory…"

He smirks, knowing that I'm reaching for any reason at this point. "I don't know… I'll see if I can work something out at home. Maybe I'll be able to squeeze you in tomorrow morning if I get up a little earlier…" He runs his fingers through his short hair and smiles at me. "If you want a reason to talk to me Demi, consider this it." He crosses his hands and leans against the table. "You don't have to lie. There will never be a time where I don't want to talk to you…" His eyes fixate on my lips as he talks to me. "I like talking to you. You're my favorite little freshie in the world, you know." He stops looking at my lips and loos back up in my eyes.

"Why do you keep calling me 'freshie'? You make me sound like a kid." I move my hair over to the side of my shoulder and smile at him. His lips look so soft. I really want to kiss him, and I would if he wasn't ten years older than me and married with two kids. I force the thoughts out of my head bite down on my lip. I've never cheated on a boyfriend before, nor have I ever been the one a guy cheats with. Damn, I want to kiss him so bad. I just want to taste his lips… see how soft they really are. "I'm not a kid, Mr. Jonas. I'm eighteen." I comb my fingers through my knotted hair and tap my fingers on the table. It's a really nice day out here, aside from the heat.

"Sure, you're a kid." The tone of his voice falls flat, like he's dead ass serious when he calls me a kid. Well I guess I can't be mad if he only sees me as a kid… he's ten years older than I am. I don't think it's THAT big of an age gap, but I guess for all intents and purposes, I am a kid in his eyes. Hell, if he were only a few more years older than me, he'd be old enough to be my dad. I won't lie; I am a little disappointed that he only sees me as a kid. He unscrews the white cap off his bottle of water and takes a sip of it. "You're my favorite kid in the whole world, though." He draws the water back and throws the remainder of it in the bottle on me.

"HEY!" I spring up off the bench and dive across the table playfully. I find myself smiling, harder than I've smiled in a long time. My foot catches on the wood of the bench and both he and I topple back, over the bench and down in the soft grass. "WOAH!" His face changes from playful mode to slight panic, and when we land safely on the ground, intertwined in each other, back to playful. I laugh and prop myself up. "I'm not a kid, though…." I realize how compromising our current position is. I'm just glad we're the only two in this park, because his one leg is wrapped around me and my hands are on his chest. I swear this is just how we fell. "I'm grown…" My voice surprises me when it comes out. It's soft… low, almost a whisper.

He lifts his hand and brushes it through my hair. My hair dangles down and touches his shoulder while I'm on top of him. He gazes up at me and licks his lips. "Demi, don't be in a hurry to grow up…" The hand that's not tangled up in my messy long lengths rests on my back, right where it curves out to make my butt. "You're still a kid…" The tone of his voice mirrors mine, with the softness. His thumb starts stroking and caressing the tiny bit of bare skin on my lower back that's exposed. He pulls his other hand out of my hair and tucks a loose strand behind my ear. He looks at me like no man's ever looked at me before. I know it probably sounds cheesy, cliché or both, but he really makes me feel beautiful, just by looking at me.

I lower myself down slightly to his face. It feels so natural to just kiss him. Just a little kiss, I promise. His hand circles around and rests itself on my jawline. He raises his neck up to meet my lips. "He's married, Demi." The voice in the back of my head says. You know that annoying voice that never shuts up way in your mind somewhere? The voice that tells you that what you're doing is wrong. The voice that's the reason why your head gets so fucked up sometimes and you just can't ignore it. So you just have to block it out and try to shut it up, often with little success. "He's married." It says again. With that, I readjust myself and roll over off of him. I clear my throat and sit down in the grass. "I should probably head back to campus now…" My voice diverts from that whisper thing it was just doing.

"Yeah, I should probably head on home to get my girls." He sits in the grass next to me, picking the little green shards of it and throwing it up to test which way the wind's blowing. "Do you want a ride back? It's pretty hot out…" It's awkward how we're both just pretending that what happened didn't just happen. I can't possibly be the only one that noticed that we almost kissed. It was so close to happening… he had to have noticed that it almost happened. The proof is on my camisole. The big water droplet marks on my cami from him throwing the water on me prove that it just happened. "I'll drive you back if you want me to."

"Um, no… that's fine. I need to go into the bookstore anyway. I'm supposed to be meeting Selena there, and then we're gonna go grab a bite to eat or something." I stand up from the grass and dust my butt off. He stands up too and wipes grass off his back. "Uh… thanks again for helping me. I think I'll do well on the test tomorrow." I sling my book bag on my shoulder and put my hand out to him. "See you tomorrow?" He stares at my outstretched hand as if it's an insult. Well, how else are we supposed to say goodbye to each other? We can't kiss goodbye. We might as well shake hands goodbye, right? I keep my hand out, offering still.

He pushes my hand to the side with the back of his own and looks around for a moment. Once he assumes that nobody's watching, he bends down and wraps his arms around me, the tips of his fingers grazing my lower back. "I'll see you tomorrow, kid." We stay there embracing each other for a very long time, my arms wrapped around his muscular back and my head resting on firm chest. He turns his head slightly and presses his lips to my ear through the curtain my hair creates over it. "Don't forget to text me if you need to talk, alright?" I nod my head and keep hugging him. It feels so good to have a man hold me like this, damn. "I'll text you and let you know if you can stop by tomorrow morning, okay?"

I just nod again.

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

"Yeah babe, one of my students offered to come here and teach Tori gymnastics on Thursdays if it's alright with you." I unload the dishwasher so that I can reload it with dinner dishes from tonight. "She used to teach the preschoolers at her old gym, she said. She's qualified to teach it, and she said she'd do it for free as long as I keep tutoring her for algebra." I put the dirty, tomato sauce printed plates in the dishwasher with a dishwasher pod. "She said all she'd need is the grass and the trampoline in the backyard. I think we should let her teach Tori. Who knows? Maybe someday Tori can go to the Olympics or something." I shut the washer door and push the green start button. "I think it'd be good for Tori to channel her energy into something constructive."

"I would love for Tori to do something like that, honey. You know I would love that." Bea wipes off the kitchen counters and transfers the leftover dinner into containers that can be stored in the fridge. "I just don't know how I would feel letting someone teach our daughter something like gymnastics for free. We'd have to reimburse the girl somehow. What did you say her name was again?" She scrapes the leftover mashed potatoes into a Ziploc container and puts the cap on. "Is she that same girl that did tricks for the girls at the pool? She seems like a real sweetie."

"Yeah, she's Demi." I put the clean dishes away into their respective cabinets and drawers. "And she is a real sweet girl, babe. She's real down to earth and real smart too." I realize now that I'm thinking about Demi a little more than just sexually. Sure, I still find her incredibly and indescribably attractive, but I also really care about her. "She struggles a little bit in math, and she doesn't want to feel bad about me constantly tutoring her and she doesn't repay me. So she offered to teach Tori to make up for the tutoring sessions." I close the silverware drawer and grab a can of soda from the fridge. "She'd be a real good influence on the girls."

"….I'll think about it." Bea wraps her arms around my waist and rests her chin against my chest. "Invite her over to dinner or something, so I can get a proper look at her. You know how it is for me to let just anybody around the girls. If, and ONLY if I like her, I guess she can teach Tori gymnastics IF it's something that Victoria REALLY wants to do." She rubs my chest softly. "Tell her to come to dinner tomorrow night, if she's free." She stands on her tip toes and kisses my cheek. "I don't want you to get too attached to this student of yours though, babe. You know how that always is… you get attached, they leave, move off campus or don't take your class next year."

"My job isn't like your job, babe." I kiss her on her lips without tongue. "It's okay for me to get close with my students." I can't tell you how harrowing it is to have a wife that works in a field like oncology. I can count on all my fingers and toes how many times Bea's come home crying, bawling, sobbing because of a patient that she's gotten close to has passed. Part of me wishes she'd quit her job, because it's so hard to see her come home in pain. But it's something that she genuinely loves to do. "And I can take it if they do leave, move on or don't take my class. Plus, Demi's different. She's… special, you know? I think we'd still be friends no matter what."

"You're too good of a person, honey." She looks up at me with a smile on her face. "You always have had a good heart, always thinking about others before yourself. When push comes to shove, you're just that girl's teacher. You really think she considers you her friend?" Actually, yes I do think Demi considers me a friend. I get the vibe that Demi feels vastly similar to how I'm feeling about her. If she wasn't feeling that way, we would have never almost kissed. But of course, I can't tell my wife all of the reasons why I think Demi and I actually are friends without her flipping out on me. So for that reason, I keep my mouth shut.

I used to think that cheating and having an affair meant that you actually have sex with someone else other than your spouse. By this point, I'm not entirely sure what all that entails, because I'm already at the point where Blanda wouldn't be able to go through my phone, see my text messages or even see the way I look at Demi without guessing something's up with the way I feel about her. I haven't had sex with Demi, and I really don't know if I ever will have sex with her. But as far as cheating on my wife goes, I think I'm already there if I have to be so secretive about certain things.

"I'm gonna hit the sack, babe. I have an early morning tomorrow… gotta get to work early to get some tests graded and stuff." I stifle a fake yawn, but I really am tired. "Plus my algebra class has a big chapter test, and I haven't even finished making the key yet." I stretch out and turn to leave the kitchen. "Unless tonight is the night you want to give me something…" I smirk at that last comment.

She yawns too, but hers is knowingly faked. "Nope, not tonight. I am just soooo tired." She giggles like it's funny. I want so bad to tell her about how I'm feeling. I need to take Mike's advice and tell Bea that I'm having these kinds of thoughts about Demi and all that. I'm just so scared that she'll think I've already done something with her. I haven't done anything with Demi yet, but I'm really feeling like I might if my wife doesn't take care of me soon. I used to be unable to understand how a man could cheat on his wife. I never understood exactly how it could happen. I think it's needless to say that I'm starting to understand how cheating husbands come to be. I know when I'm starting to get serious about some things when I begin to weigh out the pros and the cons. I've already began to weigh the pros and cons with Demi.

Pros: I really like her, not only sexually. I like her as a friend, as one of my students that I care about. If I screw her, at least I'll stop thinking about her so much. If I screw her, I won't have to keep wondering what she's like in bed. If we consensually have sex, maybe the tension between us will finally go away. And the biggest pro of all is that it's not illegal. In all technicalities, it is NOT illegal for me to sleep with Demi. She's eighteen years old, a legal adult, and she can legally provide consent to have sex.

Cons: Blanda could find out. If it does happen, I'll do my best to ensure that she doesn't find out about it, but the fact of the matter is that she very well might. If my wife does find out, I could lose her and my babies. If anyone on the board at ASU finds out that I'm having an affair with a student, I'll lose my job. I won't go to jail, have to register as a sex offender, pay a fine or anything like that, much like high school teachers would if they slept with a student. I'm a professor, and my students aren't underage. The only reason I'd lose my job is because the university has a policy against sleeping with students. It goes against academic integrity.

I figure I have more to lose than to gain by sleeping with Demi, so I've really decided against it. But that doesn't mean that I can't still dream about her. Before I lie down to go to sleep, I'd better text her and let her know that she can come in early tomorrow morning. I pick my phone up off the charger and go to her contact.

Me: You can come by tomorrow morning around 7:15. I send the text and put my phone back on the nightstand next to me. As soon as I put it down, it lights up again with a text back. It's almost 12:00, what is she still doing up?

Her: okay :p see you tomorrow then. but can I tell you something real quick?

Every time she texts me with those little smiley faces, I can't help but smile. She makes me feel like I'm back in my college days. Me: sure, go ahead. but you should be sleeping. what are you still doing up?

Her: i was on my way to sleep when you texted me haha. but today at the park sorry I jumped on you. its been bothering me since it happened & I needed to apologize for it. so sorry!

Me: don't be sorry demi. i started it by throwing the water on you. it was all in good fun. no need to apologize. i should be the one apologizing.

Her: why? :p

Me: for what happened. or ALMOST happened.

Her: the thing that almost happened?

Me: yea that thing.

Her: the :* thing?

Me: the kissing thing, demi. sorry for almost kissing you.

Her: ohhhh. well that's okay too. i didn't stop you and I almost kissed you too soooo.

Me: yea i didn't mean to almost kiss you it was just an impulse or something. see you tomorrow girl.

Her: okaaay. :) but can i tell you a little secret? don't tell anybody what im gonna say to you. k?

Me: yea…

Her: idk i sortaaa wanted to kiss you. but im glad we didn't lol idk. i don't want to make things awkward between us so im glad we didn't kiss but it felt good to almost kiss you. sorry.

Me: yea same here. oh yea and my wife said that she wants you to come over to dinner tomorrow so she can meet you and decide if you can teach tori gymnastics or not. you free tomorrow?

Her: uhhh it depends what time. i have softball tomorrow but only until 5:30. I can come after 5:30.

Me: ok. ill tell her. goodnight demi. you need to get some rest ok? sweet dreams.

Her: you too. goodnight. see you tomorrow :]


	9. FWB

"How do you think you did on Jonas's test?" Selena walks next to me as we walk back towards our dorms. My legs are honestly killing me. I went straight from class to softball practice, from softball practice to gymnastics. My legs are screaming at me, in the most literal sense. Every step I take, I hear a crack. I need a hot shower and long nap. "I think I passed it, but just barely. It was so fucking hard… like with all that factoring and shit. I know he taught us how to factor, but I swear like… all of them were non factorable or just zero. I know I got all the exponents right, but the factoring KILLED me. I probably passed it by like… two points." Selena has a lot of energy, the energy I wish I had. "Oh yeah, how did your study session with him go yesterday? Do you feel like that helped?" She just keeps popping off questions faster than I can answer them.

I take pained step after pained step and try to keep up with her. "I guess I did okay." I look down while I walk and notice that my big toe is still a bloody mess. I wiped out on the bars today and my toenail ripped down too low. I don't think I can continue to do gymnastics and softball. My body is just too tired. "I probably failed, honestly. The study session helped, but as soon as he gave me the test I drew a blank." I shrug and keep looking down.

"You and Jonas are like… super close. Don't you like… text him?" Sometimes, Selena can be very nosy. It gets annoying, but I've learned to just deal with it. I nod the answer to that question. I'm so tired it's not funny. "How did the dinner with your mom go? You never did tell me…" Selena's the kind of person that cannot deal with silence. She has to be talking, babbling her mouth every step of the way. I of course, enjoy some silence every now and again.

"It went okay." I lie to her about it. I still haven't exactly told anyone about what Jeff did to me at dinner. It's not really anyone's business as far as I'm concerned. Plus, I'd love to just forget about it. I think of it as a learned lesson. At least now I know to be careful around him for next time, if there is a next time. It won't surprise me if Jeff doesn't last. My mom changes men like she changes her underwear. "We only went to Pizza Hut. My mom's boyfriend is really… really nice." I cut off the conversation by answering her next question before she even asks it. I know she planned on asking what he was like.

"…Demi, you're like… super tired." She stands in front of me to stop me from walking. I stop dead in my tracks and nod at her. I just want to get home and lie down. "Just come stay in my dorm tonight. I have room and all that. Come on, we're closer to my room than yours." She grabs my arm and drags me through the back alley of her apartment complex. I'm tired beyond belief, I'm actually glad that she's letting me stay at her dorm instead of walking all the way back to mine. I honestly think that I might die if I have to walk another minute.

We walk up the small flight of stairs to get onto the second floor where Selena's room is. She unlocks the door with her card key and we step inside. Her apartment is not very different than mine. She has a tiny kitchen as soon as you walk in, a living room off to the right and straight back is her room and bathroom. Her apartment isn't as homey and put together as mine is. Her couch is bright orange, her TV is mint green. All over the walls are multicolored polka dots and whimsical looking lights. Selena's apartment is fun, unlike my boring, brown on brown everything.

"You can get in the shower first, Demi. I'm gonna cook something for dinner, are you hungry?" Selena throws her gym bag down on the ground next to her couch and goes straight to her freezer. "I have ground meat… how do you feel about tacos?" I'm not very hungry, so I don't really give a damn what she makes for dinner. I should probably eat a little bit of something though, because I haven't eaten since breakfast this morning and even then I only had a few bites of a blueberry muffin. I guess tacos are alright for dinner.

"Tacos are fine. Where are your clothes at?" I take off my pants and shirt and place them on top of my bag that I put next to Selena's. I walk in my bra and underwear over to her. "I need something to sleep in." Sleepovers with Selena remind me a lot of what it used to be like in high school when we slept at each other's houses. When I stand in front of her, I cross my arms over my chest so she can't see my boobs. I don't think my body is disgusting or anything like that, but I don't really like for people to see me naked. I have my reasons. "I need something to sleep in."

"Look in my top drawer, that's where my underwear are. I should have a brand new pack in there, a pack of boyshorts. And in the bottom two drawers are t-shirts." She opens the package of ground meat and puts it in a skillet. "And do you have regular tamps in your gym bag? All I have are supers and I'm just coming off. I don't need supers." She breaks up the meat with a spatula and looks over at me.

"Yeah, I think I have a couple regulars in my bag, just look." I keep my hands crossed over my breasts and take one more step towards her. "…Make me two hard shells and one soft." Smelling the meat, I do realize that I'm actually hungry.

"Okay." She puts the meat seasoning packet into the skillet and looks at me. "You know Demi, you don't have to cover up around me. I'm not looking at you or anything… why do you do that anyway?" I watch her stir the meat and take my arms off my chest.

"I have my reasons…" I turn to go back to the bathroom to shower. "I'm just a private person, I guess." I shrug and shut the door to the bathroom. I learned my lesson about walking around people naked after I lost my virginity to the guy I lost my virginity to. I didn't know his name, and I still really don't know it. But for some reason, after we did it that night, upperclassmen at school started talking about me. They would just make snide comments about my boobs and tell me that they heard how tight I am down there. I guess the mystery guy must have told the majority of them, because he's the only one that would even know something like that. I do kind of wish I knew the guy's name.

I don't like my vagina and my sex life being talked about, unless it's by me. I don't mind talking to Selena about it, because she's Selena. I talk to Selena about my sex life all the time. But something about other people talking about it just freaks me out. It's creepy. I've never had a cohesive relationship, though. I've only had sex with two people my entire life and they've all blabbed about it. The mystery guy told everyone about my boobs and vagina and I can't tell you how many people have told me that Alex told them that I "ride his dick good." I think that's the main reason I don't like to showboat my body around. People can't talk if they don't have anything to talk about, right?

That's my philosophy.

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

"She said she can come over for dinner on Friday, babe. Her softball coach called in immediate practice and she had gymnastics today. Plus, she had to take my test. Tomorrow night isn't good for her, because she has to prepare for her gym meet this weekend. She's off on Friday." I nudge my glasses up to my face with my forefinger and punch a couple numbers into my grade calculator. 77%, another D. I haven't checked a test with a single A yet. Nobody's failed, but there are absolutely NO As. I won't lie, the test was very challenging. I think there should have been at least two As, though. "You can just save the alfredo for Friday, babe. I'll eat a TV dinner tonight, or some of the girls' chicken nuggets. Whichever one you feel like making." I write the 77% at the top of Kyra's paper and circle it. I move on to Haley's paper.

"Alright. Olivia has an ear doctor's appointment tomorrow evening, so I won't be home until way later. I'm just gonna take her right after I get off work. My mom is going to grab Tori off the sitter to take her to get a new pair of shoes, so you don't have to get her from the sitter. You're free tomorrow." Blanda opens up the freezer and grabs the bag of dinosaur chicken nuggets out. "Curly fries or tater tots?" She asks me.

"…Taters." I write a big 81% at the top of Haley's paper and circle it. An 81 is the highest grade so far. I move on to Selena's paper. I breeze through the first page as she's gotten nothing wrong. I flip and go to the second page. "I think I've failed as a teacher, babe." I punch Selena's grade into my grade calculator and she got the highest grade yet, an 85%. Solid B. I circle the grade at the top of the paper and move on to Tyler's paper. "You should see these test scores. They're terrible. Highest grade is an 85."

"You're an excellent teacher, honey." She pops the tater tots and the chicken nuggets on the cookie sheet and sticks them in the oven. I know she's probably going nuts over not feeding the girls a proper dinner. It's superbly important to her to feed the babies good breakfasts, lunches and dinners. Both Tori and Liv are on strict schedules. Tori eats breakfast, lunch, snacks that usually consist of apples or carrots and dinner. Liv still takes breast milk for her snack. I know Bea's so protective of the girls because it wasn't exactly easy for us to have them. We had to go to a lot of shit to have our girls; the infertility drugs took a big toll on us and our marriage.

Just as I turn the page to finish checking Tyler's paper, Olivia toddles into the living room and puts her hands on the coffee table where I'm checking tests. "Dah!" She calls my name as she smacks her tiny little hands down on the table. "Dah!" She steps on my leg in her cute little footie pajamas to get my attention. Her footie pajamas are light pink with little kittens on her feet. She's so cute. "Dah, ehh ne… cawset." She starts talking to me.

I put my red pen down and turn my attention to Livy. "What, honey?" I pick her up and sit her on my lap. "What, sweetheart?" I give her a kiss on her cheek. "You wanna help daddy check some papers?" I reach in my briefcase and grab a blank piece of paper. I hand Liv a blue pen and let her draw with it. "Here. You check this one, daddy'll take the next one." She holds the pen with her entire left hand and scribbles on the blank paper. She looks at me for approval with her bright hazel eyes her pink piglet pacifier in her mouth. "Yeah, sweetie. Just like that, good job." I stroke her hair and finish checking Tyler's test.

I move on and check Demi's test. First question, wrong. Second, wrong. I thought she said she understood this yesterday at the park and this morning when we went BACK over it. I was really expecting her to get one of the highest grades, if not the highest grade on this test. I can't be biased towards her, though. So I put the grade she deserves, a big 47% on the test and circle it. She's not gonna be happy about this.

To be honest, I'm not that happy about it either.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

"…I guess you know that dinner with my mom didn't really go well…" I hold onto the pillow Selena gave me and take comfort feeling my butt touch hers while we lie next to each other. I'm full off the food she made for me, I'm clean from the hot shower I took, I'm tired from two practices today and I'm just ready to fall asleep. Selena lies next to me staring up at her cell phone, scrolling through her Instagram. I have one of those but I hardly ever get on it. "Sorry I lied to you."

"I don't even know why you try to lie to me, Demi. I always know when you're lying, that's why I didn't even say anything to you about it. I didn't even think anything of it, because you CONSTANTLY lie to me." Her voice sounds a little irritated. She puts her phone down and turns toward me. "I said NOTHING to you, because you always lie. It's so pointless for you to lie, too. I can always tell when you're lying. How long have we been friends? Of course I know when you're lying." She props herself up on her elbow and looks over at me. "So how did it _really _go?"

"Terrible." I mumble. "My mom's boyfriend is a piece of shit, to say the least. She went to the bathroom and as soon as she left he started…" I take a breath and stop talking. "Don't tell my dad, Selena. Please don't tell him… I really don't even want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it." I sigh. "He like… felt me up. At first I didn't even know like… if it was really happening. It felt like something that would only happen in like… a movie or something. Then I pushed him away and all that crap. PLEASE don't tell my dad." I'm surprised that I'm not crying. "It's been SO long since I've done anything with anybody, Selena. I got wet and everything, but I didn't want him. All he did was touch me between my legs and I got wet. I got wet and I didn't even want him."

"Demi, just cause you got wet doesn't mean that you wanted him. You can't help your body. That's like… me touching you. You're not attracted to me, you don't want to have sex with me, but if I started touching your crotch, you'd get wet. Because that's just your body's natural reaction, Dems. It doesn't mean anything." Selena reaches over and pulls me by my arms so that I'm lying on her. "We're gonna get you laid, okay? Not by Alex, either. We're gonna find you a nice hunk of wood, alright?"

I chuckle. "Please do. I'm going crazy, Lena. It's like… I'm all mixed up. I'm a mix between sexual frustration, irritation and just plain annoyed. I'm gonna rip my hair out." I lay my head against her shoulder and put my arm around her. I swear to anyone who wants to know that Selena and I are NOT lesbians. She's my BEST friend in the entire world, and I love to cuddle with her. She likes to cuddle with me too, though I think she'd easily drop me if David came over and asked her to cuddle. Selena puts her arms around my back and holds me. "…Did I tell you how I almost kissed him yesterday at the park? I almost kissed Jonas yesterday…"

"WHAT?!" Her jaw drops. "HOW?!"

"I dunno… it was just like…" I reach down and move Selena's ponytail off my arm because it's tickling me. "He threw water on me so I like… jumped across the table at him. We were just playing with each other. But when I jumped at him, we fell backwards onto the ground and ended up… between each other's legs. And we were face to face. We almost kissed. We bent down like we were gonna kiss and everything but at the last second, we both pulled back. And I was texting him last night and we both admitted that we wanted to." I think I've said too much, but I trust Selena…

"Demi, you better stop while you're ahead. He's married, booboo." She starts petting my hair and trying to give me real, crucial advice. "I know Selena's talking to me as a FRIEND when she calls me booboo. "You're gonna cause that man's wife to divorce him. And I don't want to see you get hurt."

"We're just friends, I swear. I think he's cute and everything and he's VERY good looking. But we're just friends. I would never jeopardize his marriage, I swear. I would NEVER do that. I mean, I just think that we almost kissed and everything because like… there's something there. It's like… there's something there between us. We're really good friends. But there's a little bit of chemistry, I think. I would never act on it, though. I'm not a homewrecker and I would never pursue him. Like… if we ever did kiss or whatever, I'd apologize and I would REALLY try to never do it again."

"I hope you can stick to that, babes." She wraps her arms around me and squeezes me super tight. "I love the hell out of you, Dems. I'll beat Jonas with a baseball bat if he hurts you. I don't wanna have to do that."

"He won't hurt me. We both know what we can and cannot do. We really are just friends, I promise. No friends with benefits."

She laughs softly. "There's nothing wrong with being friends with benefits." She laughs again. "But not with a married man."

She's right. I can't be FWB with a married man. I stifle a big yawn and roll over on my side. Selena follows my lead and lies down for good too. It's almost 12:30, if I don't sleep soon, I'll be really cranky tomorrow morning. "…Night, Lena. Love you."

"Night, Dems."


	10. Bound

**A/N: ** This chapter is very descriptive and explicit. Please don't bitch at me about how gross or disgusting it is or whatever. You don't have to read it, but I will warn you that this chapter has very mature subject matter. If you opt out of reading this, you might be a little confused in the next chapters, but eventually you'll catch on. You've been warned about the sexual nature of this story in advance, and I'm warning you about this chapter. Enjoy.

* * *

"I checked you guys' tests last night, and I must say, they weren't as good as I expected them to be." I walk around and hand the kids their tests back. "If you're disappointed with your grade, I don't think you should be. There were a few Bs, lots of Cs, TONS of Ds and ABSOLUTELY NO As. Now, as the first test of the school year, I am willing to DROP this test score IF it is your LOWEST test score of the semester. I'll talk more about that later on in the semester, if you're interested." I stop at Demi's desk. She looks horrible.

"Demi?" I stand behind her and put my hand on her shoulder. I can see it written on her face that she's about to burst into tears. She has her test face down on her desk, staring at the blank backside. I know she tries, because I watch her try. She does so well in class but as soon as I pass out the tests to her, she chokes. She peels up the front of her paper and lets me see the bright red 47% circled at the top of her test, as if I don't already know her grade. I felt bad marking things wrong while I graded it, because I know how much these tests mean to her. "Do you want to stay after class today? I can go over the test with you. And tomorrow morning I'll give you a retest, if you want. It's totally up to you. Do you have softball practice or gym time today?"

She shakes her head. "Do you want to stay after for an hour or so?" She nods slowly. "Okay. I don't have to pick up my girls from the babysitter's today, so I have all the time in the world to help you out." I pat her on the back. "We'll get your grade up, I promise." I take her test from her and walk back up to the front of my room and sit down at my desk. She's the only one out of the entire class that bombed the exam like that. There were a couple other bad grades, but she was literally the only failing one. Everyone else passed with low Ds or high Cs. There was a couple Bs, but NO As.

The final bell for dismissal rings and all of my students except Demi get up and leave the classroom. I stand beside the door with my hand out. "Before you leave, hand your test to me. If I don't have your test in my hand, I WILL give you a zero on the entire exam." I advise them. I get a couple eye-rolls thrown at me, but everyone hands me their tests. I don't let them keep their exams until the ENTIRE class has taken it and seen their grades. Once the last person leaves out the door, I shut it and turn my attention to Demi.

"Alright Demi, come sit up here at my desk." I grab one of the desk chairs and put it next to my swivel chair at the head of my desk. "Let's attack this test and see what you're struggling with." I grab her test and flip to the front page. "You're DEFINITELY not worth a 47%. What happened?" I grab my black pen and hand her a pencil. She scoots next to me and looks at her test with me. "You know how to do this stuff, don't you? It's just simple factoring and solving. You said you were good the morning of the test…"

"…I don't understand what to do when you can't factor it by trial and error…" She points to question one and explains to me. "Like… you can't factor this with any of the techniques you showed us, so I put non-factorable… but you put on the test that it IS factorable… how do you do it?" She puts her thumb in her mouth and chews at one of her acrylic fingernails. She's nervous and I wonder why.

"Remember the quadratic formula I showed you?" I click my pen and write it up in the margin of her test. "The thing that says x= the opposite of b, plus or minus the square root of b squared, minus four a times b, all over two a. Remember that?" She nods. "So you just use that to solve. I'll give you the formula on the retest, so all you'll have to do is sub it in. So… A=4, B=-9 and C=1. When you sub all that in, you get the square root of a negative number, don't you?" She nods again and keeps watching me. "Remember what I said you have to do when you have the square root of a negative number?"

"…You have to take out the i." She says softly.

"Right. When you pop out the i, you get just the square root of 49, which is seven, correct? So what does x equal?"

"…X=7/8?" She asks a question rather than answer my question. She looks at me for reassurance.

"X= plus or minus 7/8. See, Demi you understand it…" I rub her back and move on to the next question. "Here, let's try problem four. You can't solve it with trial and error, so you'll solve it with the quadratic formula, right?" She nods. "Okay. So let me see you sub in A, B and C. Just take your time… take your time. You know what you're doing."

She subs in the numbers for the variables and puts her pencil down. She looks up at me and smiles. "You know… I could babysit sometime for you. So it's not a big deal that you help me. I know it's not right how you give me special treatment… so I could babysit to help you out or something. You guys wouldn't even have to pay me, I'd do it for free… as long as you keep helping me."

"Demi, I'm a teacher. I'm supposed to help you. It's my job." I put my pen down too. "You have a lot of potential. You're actually a very smart girl. You just… don't focus enough and you don't apply yourself. I've seen you at softball practice, and you're an excellent little pitcher. You have a lot of potential, Demi. Just apply yourself…" She already teaches Tori gymnastics for free. I really wish she didn't feel so bad about me tutoring her. It's not like she's a burden. I put my hand on her knee. Her kneecap is really soft. "Do you _shave_ your kneecaps?"

She giggles. "Yes… they get hairy too!" She crosses her legs and sighs with laughter. "…I think I understand now. I should probably let you go, so you can get home to your wife and kids." She gathers up her book and notebook and pushes her chair out from my desk. "Thank you, Mr. Jonas. For everything…" I can tell she feels unwanted, but that really is truly not the case.

"Demi, I told you, I'm not in a hurry. Sit back down if you need more help. I don't mind helping you out. I don't have to pick my girls up from the babysitter. Bea's mom's getting them. And Bea's at work until 7 tonight." I check the time and it's only 3:30. She sits back down and opens back up her notebook. "I have time to kill."

"I just hate feeling like I bother and trouble you." She re-crosses her legs and leans forward against my desk. "You're a really good husband, aren't you?" She taps her pencil against her notebook and swings her feet. "It's cool to know that there are still some good guys out there." She swings her hair to the side. Her hair is so dark black that it hurts to stare at it for too long. It's long, too. It touches her forearms. She's so incredibly pretty, not only for an eighteen year old college freshman, for anybody. "I'll be out of here by five. Selena wants to go swimming today, so that's where I'll be headed." She rests her hands on my desk and leans forward.

"It's hot enough to go swimming. It's like ninety five out today." I redirect my attention from the crease her breasts make in her shirt. I need to stop. I can't tell if her boobs are really that big or if it's just the type of bra. Either way it goes, in the tight, light blue V-neck shirt she has on, they squeeze together and form a crease. She's wearing a silver necklace with a key charm hanging from it. The tiny silver key is getting swallowed up by her boobs, though. "…Maybe I'll take the girls out in the kiddie pool until Bea gets home. Then I'll make some dinner." I snap myself out of the trance her body put me into and look at her face.

"…Mr. Jonas?" She combs her fingers through her dark hair again and looks at me. "You're a good husband. I've always thought about the kind of husband I want to have when I get older. I want one that kisses me when he gets home from work…" She smiles and shows her perfect teeth. "I probably wouldn't even know how to act if I had a man that kissed me without trying to lick my tonsils." She chuckles.

"I can see why…" I murmur so low that she can't hear me. "Yeah. Some men don't master the art of that until they're way older. Especially with pretty girls, their hormones just take over."

She grins at me. "You saying that I'm a pretty girl?"

I smile and shake my head. "I never said that. But if it floats your boat, sure."

She just looks at me. Her big, brown eyes just lure me in. I stare at her lips, how perfect and soft they look. What would I give to taste her lips? Almost as much as I'd give to taste the inside of her mouth, her sweet breath. She eases in, very slowly and backs up, just like that day at the park. I can tell she's unsure if we should do this. I'm unsure too, but hey. You only get one life, so live it how you want to, right? I lean in too, and our lips meet. Damn, her lips are soft. They're glossy and smooth. My lips glide right over them. Fuck, she smells good too. Her hair smells really clean, and her neck smells like perfume.

She pulls away before I do, her eyes still closed from the kiss we shared. "Mr. Jo—"

"You can call me Joe." I let her know. Her face reads concern, but she licks her lips, letting me know she enjoyed the kiss. I enjoyed it too. "Just call me Joe." I put my hand on her jaw and pull her in again to another kiss. My thumb brushes over the dimple in her chin and I pull away from her.

"…We're going to get caught…" She worries.

"Only the janitors are here…." I whisper to her and press my lips against hers yet again. She accepts me by parting her lips slightly. Her breath tastes like cinnamon gum, Big Red. Her tongue pushes against mine and I use mine to massage hers. I haven't kissed a girl like this in a really, really long time. Bea and I don't make out like this anymore. Her soft little hands reach up and stroke my face. Her tongue explores the inside of my mouth, my hands explore her legs. She has the softest legs I've ever felt. She's so petite, but her legs are so warm and thick around her thighs. When I caress her thighs, she aggressively pushes her face harder into mine, deepening our kiss.

She parts her legs slightly. Her blue jean shorts are so tight, I try to push my hand up through the leg hole but I can't. I'm just so anxious to know what's between her legs. I've been dreaming, fantasizing and praying for the moment that I can find out what she's all about down there. She pulls away from me again and looks at me. For a moment, I think that she's going to ask me to stop. But instead of saying anything, she reaches down with her own two hands and unbuttons her shorts for me. I know this is wrong, but I really can't resist her. I've never, ever, EVER wanted one of my students like this. Riddle me this, if you were sitting, alone in a room, with a girl that only your WILDEST dreams could make, wouldn't you take the opportunity? Demi's perfect.

I pull the zipper down with my forefinger and thumb and shove my hand inside her shorts. She keeps kissing me on my lips. I can tell that she's bald down there, because there isn't hair poking me through her underwear. I use my thumb to find her clit through her smooth, silky underwear. I can already tell that she's different from my wife. I don't have to open her up to touch her clit. I have to open Bea up in order to expose it. Demi's is just out, I don't have to spread her open too far to get to it. I can tell that I found it, because once I rub over the small bump with my thumb, she pulls away from me again and closes her thighs around my hand and her breathing stutters. I love girls that squirm. My wife doesn't squirm, she just takes it. She takes everything, hardly ever moaning. Demi's holding onto the side of the desk and moving. I massage it in a circle with my thumb and eventually, the entire front part of her panties is wet. I reach down a little further to where I assume her hole is, but I'm wrong. It's not that far down. She lets me know this by shaking her head. "Show me where, then…" I whisper in her ear.

She slides down in her seat a little so that she's hanging off the end of it just slightly. She grabs my hand and moves it up, and with my middle finger, I can feel where it dips in. I try to pull her underwear to the side, but her underwear is just as tight as her shorts are and they won't allow. I try to pull them down, but again, they don't allow. I need to get my fingers in there. It's not even a want anymore, it's a must. I HAVE to get my fingers in there. Her underwear won't pull down, so I improvise by pulling the top and ripping them right up the middle. She doesn't seem to mind that I just ripped her underwear, because she lifts her hips up to allow my hand back between her thighs. The skin between her legs is so soft. She's so smooth. Usually, girls who shave tend to get prickly hairs or razor bumps down there, but not Demi. She's completely smooth, she had to have waxed. I rub her bare clit with my thumb. She holds on to the edge of my desk and smiles while looking down between her legs. I don't think she's a screamer, but I'd love to know what her moan sounds like. My hand is engulfed between her legs and I can honestly say that this is just like I imagined it would be. She's wet and my thumb easily slips and slides along her.

She's not that responsive, which makes me begin to think that I'm enjoying this more than she is. But, before I can think too far into that theory, she reaches over with her hand and unbuttons my dress pants. I'm rock hard, and I have a feeling that she'll like that. I was going to ask if she's a virgin, but the way she slides her hand down the front of my boxers and grabs my dick, I know she isn't. My middle finger slips and slides all along her clit because she's soaking wet. She wraps her hand around me and starts rubbing the head of my erection. I lean over and kiss her again. When I pull away out of the kiss, she spits into her hand and continues to jerk me off with her now wet hand. Damn… there's no way in hell this girl is a virgin. I really don't have to ask.

I don't think this will go any further than me fingering her and her giving me a hand job. I really don't think it'll escalate to actual intercourse, though I hope it does. I've only dreamt about bending Demi over my desk. It'll never happen. I think about the door. My desk is so far in the back of my classroom that it's not visible through the door. It's too far back and too far off to the side. And ever since we had that inservice day about college shootings, the doors lock automatically from the inside, so nobody can get in there unless I let them in. I'm still nervous about getting caught, but I don't think we will. She lifts up her hips again and pulls her tight shorts and panties off and down her legs.

My jaw drops at the sight of her naked bottom half. This girl is perfect, no way around it. She has the most perfect ass. It's toned, looks firm but it's soft. I can tell she goes tanning, because her whole body is golden. Just on her lower back, above her ass is a decent sized butterfly tattoo. It's all black and it's really sexy. Towards the front of her perfect body, she has her navel pierced with just a small white diamond straight ring in it. And as if her navel piercing isn't sexy enough, she has her hips pierced with two little diamond studs in them. She is completely bald between her legs, something that was no doubt accomplished by waxing. She could be a porn star, that's how amazing her body is. She's honestly the sexiest woman I've ever seen, and she's only eighteen.

Even if I wanted to stop this, I don't think I could. There's no way I could turn someone this perfect down. I stand up from my chair and push my laptop to the side on my desk, making a spot for her to sit down. I lift her up and sit her down on my desk. I pull her to the edge and sit back down in my chair. I wheel my chair over to the edge of my desk and kiss her thighs. I haven't been down on a girl in a while either, but her pussy's so pretty that I just have to eat it. I think the last time I've eaten a woman out was my honeymoon, and that's the god honest truth. She props herself up on her elbows and looks down at me. I waste no time and dig right in, licking from the outside in. Finally, she lets out a moan, and even her MOAN is the sexiest thing I've ever heard. She puts her hand on the back of my head and stuffs my face deep between her legs. I focus mainly on her clit, working it with my tongue and eventually sucking on it and only it. "Ahhh! Oooohhh…." She pulls my hair hard then rubs the back of my head. I tease her clit with my tongue real fast. She presses her lips together hard and hums. "Mmmmmm…." She keeps pushing my head deeper between her legs. I reach down, hold her pussy open and stick my tongue inside it. I have a hard time stuffing my tongue all the way inside her, I can only imagine how I'm going to get my dick in, if we do have sex. "Ooooohhh my god…. My god, my god…." I curl my tongue upwards and drag it out. "Mmmm yes..." I focus on her clit again and she just keeps gasping. "Uh, uh,… uh… just like that…"

I spread her open again and push my two fingers inside her. She moans and moves back and forth, riding my hand. While I finger her, I suck on her clit some more. She squeals and squirms back and forth. I have to hold her still. "Ahhhhhhhh!" She rests her feet on my back and holds my head right where it is. I keep pumping my fingers in and out of her. I have to loosen her up before I go inside, otherwise I'd hurt her. She's so tight. I move my fingers around in all kinds of directions to make her a little looser. I pull them out and drag her by her thighs more into my face. She could be sitting on my face and I'd still want her pussy on my face some more. This affair is so worth it. Even if all I get to do is eat her pussy, it's SO worth it.

I push my fingers back inside her and stand up. With my free hand, I pull her boobs out of her bra. Damn, they're perfect too. She has the tiniest little nipples, I can't help but stick one in my mouth. I'm sucking on her nipple so hard that it becomes hard and erect in my mouth. I keep fingering her and sucking on her boobs. "Mmmm mmmm…." I pull my fingers out again and massage her clit in circles with them. I stop sucking her boob and kiss her deeply. She kisses me back, interrupted by a spur of moans into my mouth. "Mmmmm… Mr. Jonas…" I told her she could call me Joe, but I get that it's a tough habit for her to break.

I'm BEYOND ready to just fuck her, but I want to make her cum first. I shove my fingers back inside her, kiss her on her lips and finger her so hard and fast that my desk shakes. I curve my fingers slightly so that with every time my fingers pull out her legs shake. She gets SUPER loud when I do that. "AHHH AHHH AHH…. AWWWHHHH…. OOOOHHH….." She bites my bottom lip and keeps moaning. "Ahhh…. FUCK…." While she moans, she squirts all over my pants. I've never had sex with a squirter before, to be honest. I smirk and keep finger-fucking her. I let her finish cumming before I stop fingering her. Her toes curl under and she breathes heavy. "Oh shit…" I kiss her yet again and take my pants completely off.

She steps down off my desk and bends down. "Mmm, it's my turn…" She says in a voice that still has a moan in it. She holds me at the base and runs her tongue all along me. Before she stuffs me in her mouth, she looks up at me and licks her lips. My guess is this isn't the first time she's done this before. She curls her lips over, sticks her tongue out and puts as much of me as she can fit into her mouth, deep in her throat. I close my eyes and tangle my hands through her hair. Not a lot of girls deepthroat. She's a blessing.

"Fuck…" I say through clenched teeth. She keeps looking up at me while she sucks with her lips along the tip of me. She uses her hand while she sucks me off too. Damn, she's good at this. "Uhhh…" She darts her head on and off it quick and licks from my balls to the head slowly. I push her head down to deepthroat me again and she takes it with ease. "Damn…" I push her head on and off it and she just lets me. She gotta stop before I cum. I put my hands under her arms and pull her up off her knees. I put her back on the little clearing I made on my desk and pull her close to the edge. I grab myself and run it along her opening, just to make sure she's wet.

As soon as I put it in, she tenses up and throws her head back. "Ooooh! Ahhh…" The first thrust is everything I wanted it to be. It's everything I dreamt it would be. It's dripping wet, fiercely hot and _impossibly _tight. It's unlike any hole I've ever been inside, and that's the truth. I smuggle my way all the way inside, so deep that only my balls are still hanging out. She grabs onto my arms and squeezes them. "Mmmmmmmm…." I hold her legs open with my hand and fuck her like I mean it. Damn her pussy's good. I might have to pull it out so I don't cum quick. It's gripping and squeezing my dick perfectly, because she's so damn tight. I keep her legs open and let her rest her foot flat against my chest. She keeps moaning while I push it in and pull it out. "Oh! Oh fuckkkkkk…. Fuckkk….. fuck…. Ohh yes…. Oh yeah…. Yeah… oh fuck… fuck me…" So, she's not a screamer, she's a talker. That's hot. And her voice is so pretty while she moans… she's perfect.

She looks up at me, her big brown eyes read pleasure. Her mouth opens wide, but nothing comes out. Her eyes roll to the back of her head as she throws it backwards. "OHHHH…." I hold her legs wide open and keep drilling her. Every time it goes in, it goes in balls deep, and she just takes it. "Ohhh my godddd…. So deep…." She grabs onto the edge of my desk, knocking my pencil cup over. My pulse beats loud and fast in my ear and I thrust in and out of her faster and faster until finally, I match the pace at which my heart is beating. One of my drawers falls out of my desk and collapses on the floor with a loud clang. "AHHHH! AHHHH!" Her moan is so pretty, I lean down and kiss her on her lips. I slow it down to make sure I'm getting her deep enough. "Yes…. Uhhh…." I pick the pace back up and fuck her fast again. She squeals LOUD. "AWHHH….. AWHHHHH…. YESSSSS…" One of my picture frames falls down and shatters, but I don't care.

Her pretty, thick hair falls in front of her face. She's so fucking pretty. I slow it down again and kiss her. "Lay flat…" I tell her. She listens to me, lies flat on her back and bites her lip. Her hair is all in her face, but she doesn't bother to move it. I pull her all the way to the edge of my desk, close her legs and fuck her with them closed. She's still dripping wet. "Uhh… uhhh…." I drill her pussy fast and watch her boobs flop while I do it. She looks at me with her eyes open again. She looks so innocent, but she's wild as hell.

She holds her boobs still and takes my dick with a couple of screams. "Ohhhhhhhh! AHHHHH…. HUUHHHH…." I make sure I get in her pussy deep, and she whimpers. "Oh, Joe…. Joejoejoejoejoe… JOEEEEE…." She says my name, drowning out the "E." "Oh god… oh god…." She lets her boobs go and finally moves her hair. I slow it down again so we can change positions. My leg's cramping up, but I'm not ready to stop. So, I grab my chair, pull it over and sit down in it. I move to the edge of it and she sits on my lap facing me. She kisses me hard, her tongue deep in my mouth. I kiss her back and hold myself up so I can put it inside of her. While she lowers herself down on my lap, I push my dick up and inside her again. Oh my god she's so tight…

She tilts her head back and I pull her nipple into my mouth again. I put my hands on her ass and feel her long hair dangle down and tickle my hands. I can't get over how fucking gorgeous she is. She's just as pretty as she is sexy. I lick her nipple with the flat head of my tongue and kiss between her boobs. She doesn't wait for me to start thrusting upwards. Instead, she starts riding me. She rides my dick fast and so hard I hear nothing but the skin slapping against each other. She's definitely not a beginner at this either. "Oh, yes…. Ohhh….. ohhh…" She looks down and makes full eye contact with me. I kiss her on her lips again and look back at her ass. She slides down all the way on it and rides it from base to tip. "It's so fucking big…" She says through a moan, whispering in my ear. She pushes her ass out further and slams down on my dick so hard that my chair swivels into the wall. Shit, she's gonna make me bust. She leans to the side so I can see behind her. Her ass is just amazing. I reach back with my hands and hold her ass open so my dick can get in her pussy deep. "Yeah…. Yeah…" She rides my dick slower and in circles, so I can really feel how tight, wet and perfect her pussy is. She stays down, all the way on it and swirls her hips in circles.

I grab her boobs and squeeze them. I can't stay silent anymore. I grunt while she rides in circles. "Good girl…. In circles… slow…" I groan and pull her other nipple in my mouth. "Fuck yeah, Demi…" Saying her name is so surreal. I still can't believe I'm fucking one of my students. Even more so, I can't believe that one of my students is so amazing in bed. I knew it was going to happen, as much as I tried to avoid it. I tried so hard to avoid the fact that I really wanted Demi. When she fell on top of me in the park, I wanted her. When I hugged her, I wanted her. I can't believe I'm actually HAVING her. She pulls it back and jerks forward. She rides so good. I groan again. "Uhhh…" I squeeze her ass then stroke the hole of it with my fingers. She's so sexy… I'm so glad she's legal. I still can't believe this is happening. I feel… wrong. Like this is so unethical and demoralizing. This is so wrong… I imagine she must be feeling the same way as me; she the one riding her professor's dick like it's a damn horse. But, if she is feeling the way I am, she's doing a good job hiding it.

She leans back a little and grabs my arms. "Oh my god…" She rides me in circles some more. "I've never ridden something this big…" She starts bouncing on it again. When she leans back, I look down and watch my dick slide in and out of her pussy. She must have came again because all I can hear aside from her moaning is the wet sounds of me going in and out. She's soaking wet. My wife never gets this wet. "I never have…"

"You're doing great…" I wrap my arms around her back and suck on her neck.

I guess she caught her breath or something, because she starts riding me out of control again. She moves her hips so fast. She's probably a really good dancer, because the way she's swiveling her hips and moving, she sure seems like she would be. Damn… I have to grab onto my desk. "Oooooohhhhh…. Shit… shit… shit…" She reaches back and shakes her hair. She holds onto the edge of my desk, too and bounces herself up and down on my dick real fast. "AHHH… AH…. I'm gonna cum again…."

"Mmm… cum again then…." This will be like… her third time, if she does squirt again. I don't want her to keep squirting, though. Squirters are sexy as hell, but I want to make her cream. I need to find her spot. I grab her ass and open it up wide again. And I think I might have just found it, because she jumps slightly and gasps. I grab my dick with my hand and move it to the side, where I feel a super wet, rough little patch inside her pussy. Yep, that's definitely it. I pull her down on it so my dick is crushing it. She keeps moving away from me because it feels too good for her. I smirk and hold her down, forcing her to feel it.

"OH GOD… OHHH GOD….UHHH UHHH…" Behind me, her fingers dig into the flesh of my back. Remind me to come up with an excuse as to why there are scratches on my back. She drags her acrylic nails along my back, leaving indentations. "OOOOOHHHHH…." We have to switch positions for me to effectively hit her g-spot the way I want to hit it. I stop her from riding me and I sit down on the clearing I made on my desk. I pull her on top of me and let her take my dick like that, so I can hit her g-spot good. I hold her up, because she's not heavy and thrust my dick into her upwards. I do all the work this time around. "FUCKFUCKFUCKKKKK…. FUCKKK…. OH FUCKKK…."

"Mmmm, Demi…" I call her name again. I still don't believe this is actually happening. We're going to get CAUGHT though, if she doesn't stop screaming. "Shhhh…"

She starts shaking and quivering on top of me, ignoring my warning to be quiet. She's squirting again and I feel it. I can see it, landing on my chair. I'll clean that up later. I don't stop thrusting upwards. "M..M…M…M…mmmm!" She started to say "Mr. Jonas", but it won't come out. I hold her up again, adjust my legs and start fucking the hell out of her upwards. She gasps and her pretty hair dangles down and touches my chest. "OHHH OHHH OH, OHHH…"

I hold her down on my dick and lay on my desk, on my side. I have to stop fucking her so hard, because she's way too loud. I move her so she's lying on her side with me. Naturally, she bends her leg and puts it behind mine. I wrap my arms around her boobs and kiss her neck while I drill her pussy like this. When I fuck Bea, she never takes it this long. She always wants to stop after she cums. I made Demi cum like three times and she's still going strong. I guess she really likes this position, because she kicks her foot back and knocks more of my shit off my desk. I'll clean up later. "Mmm… you're good at this…" I tell her. "You're good at taking dick…"

She completely ignores what I just said to her. "Don't stop… don't stopppp…." She looks back at me. My god, she's beautiful. Her eyes are so big and pretty and her lips are just perfect. I grab a handful of her thick hair and fuck her deeper, just because she's pretty. I'm careful not to pull her hair too hard though. "Joe, don't stop… DON'T STOP…" I hold her leg up and slide it in there deeper. "OOOHHH…."

I groan too. Her pussy is amazing. "Uhhh shit…" I reach forward and rub her clit. "You cummin' again?" I think she is, because her pussy got real warm all of a sudden. I think she's creaming and not squirting, because I don't see it coming out this time. "You cummin'?" She nods the answer to my question. "Damn. You're a good little cummer…" I keep rubbing her clit. I've NEVER talked this dirty to a girl. No girl's ever made me talk this dirty. I pull it out and she breathes real heavy. I get up off my desk and stand at the end of it. "Come here…" I grab her by her legs and pull her to me. Finally, I bend her over my desk and hold her leg up. "Can't tell you how long I've been wantin' to bend you over my desk…" I grab her hair and start pounding her.

She puts her head down on the desk and her ass in the air. "Ohhhhhh….." Her eyes roll to the back of her head again and I knock another desk drawer loose because I kill her pussy. "I can't… I can't…" She's gasping and struggling to catch her breath. "I'm gon…gonna…."

She leans up and I push her back down. "Stay down…lemme see it…" I hold her ass open and watch my dick slide in and out of her pussy. Every time I pull it out, I see her creamy, foamy, white cum all over my dick. That's what I wanted to see. "Uhhh… lemme see your pussy while I fuck it…" She keeps her head down on my desk while she moans and tries to bite it like it's a pillow. Instead, she bites down on my big eraser. I watch her pussy as I see her cum, yet again. I'm about to blow my load, finally. "Turn around… lemme see that pretty little face…" She turns and I kiss her on her lips. After I kiss her, she smiles at me and turns back around. I grab her arms and SMASH her pussy. It's the last few minutes, I gotta make them count.

"AHHHH FUCKK… FUCK YEAH…" She grips the edge of my desk some more and screams. "FUCK, FUCK… FUCKK…" She moves her hair out of her face. "Fuck yeah…"

I pull out quick and bust my nut ON her instead of IN her. Right on her lower back. "Fuck…" I just look at her. I don't think she'll mind. She's sweaty and so am I. She knows I came, because she lies flat on my desk and just breathes heavy. I breathe heavy too. Damn. This little eighteen year old tired me out. I rub her body, marveling at her. "You don't know… how long…. I've wanted to do that to you."

She just lies there. "…I can imagine." She pulls herself up, still out of breath. "What… time is it?"

I grab her up and sit in my chair with her so we both can catch our breath. I kiss her on her lips and move her sweaty hair out of her pretty little face. "I've wanted to do that to you for so long. Since the second day of classes, girl…" I hold her naked body against mine and kiss her lips. I rub her pussy from the back and play with her ass too. I shove my middle finger inside her pussy, pull it out and lick it, just to taste her. I'm tired and soft. I really don't want to stop, though. "Can I clean my plate?" I ask her. Still out of breath, she shrugs. One last time, I put her up on my desk and go back between her legs. I lick every ounce of her cum. I lick her ass, because I'm sure there's some down there too.

She rubs my hair and lets me do whatever. "I haven't had sex in so long…" She admits. When I get up from between her legs, she crosses her them and looks down. Her cheeks flush bright red. "You aren't gonna tell anyone, are you?"

"..Why would I do that?" I hand her, her shorts. "I don't want to lose my job… and this is personal. Why would I tell anyone?"

She pulls her shorts up to her waist. "…I don't know. It's no secret that I'm… good in bed. My last couple boyfriends told people about the things we did…" She puts her shirt back on and pulls her hair through the head hole. "I just don't want you to tell anyone…"

"So you weren't a virgin? How many people have you had sex with?" I button my shirt back up.

"What does it matter now if I was a virgin or not?" She combs her hair with her fingers. "Just two people… well, three, counting you. Please don't say anything. I don't want anyone thinking that I slept with you to get my grades up…" Her eyes have tears in them. "It wasn't that. And I don't expect you to just pass me now….. I just…" She puts her flip flops back on. "You were being really nice to me and I was really horny and I haven't had sex in a really long time… I didn't do it just so you would pass me…"

"Demi, I know." I put my hand on her back. "I know. Look, everything can go back to normal. I'm still your teacher and you're still my student. You'll be in class tomorrow, I'll be teaching you a lesson tomorrow. It's no big deal." I rub her back a little. "It didn't matter if you were a virgin, either. I was just wondering…"

"I haven't been a virgin since tenth grade." She says. "But okay…Just… don't look at me with that 'I've seen you naked' look." She stuffs her torn up underwear and her bra into her book bag.

I chuckle. "Deal. Now tomorrow morning, when you come in, just come straight here so I can give you that retest…. Alright?"

"Okay." She grabs her bag and her books. "…We should do this again sometime?" She smiles. "That's usually what you're supposed to say after a first date, right?" She stops walking. "Um… let me help you clean up…"

"No, go ahead. I've got this." I wave her off. "…And yeah. We should do this again sometime. When's the next time you can stay after class?"

"…Next Tuesday?"

"I'll be looking forward to that."

She stands on her tiptoes and gives me a series of three kisses goodbye. "Me too."


	11. Tell Me

I throw my book bag on my couch as soon as I walk through my door and go straight to my room. I fall face down on my bed and bury my face into my pillow. I know when I was younger; I used to have a really hard tome distinguishing between reality and fiction. I used to have an imaginary puppy named Patches, and I really used to drop food on the floor to feed him. When I was about ten, I grew up and began to tell that Patches was just a figment of my imagination. When I turned fifteen, I started having vivid dreams. I would wake up crying, screaming and sweating because I thought my dreams were real. At seventeen, I didn't stop having dreams, but I developed the ability to be able to know that it wasn't real. And this, as nightmarish as it is, it's real. The throbbing, pulsating feeling I have between my legs proves to me that it's real.

I take a deep breath and cry into my pillow. Why didn't I stop it? I swear I hate myself, I swear to god I do. I'm such a fucking idiot. I really just slept with my TEACHER. I slept with him… and I liked it. I can't believe I just did that… How LOW am I? I breathe into my pillow and try to stop crying, but I can't. I need to go to sleep. I just want to go to sleep until tomorrow morning. I get up from my bed and walk to my bathroom. I flip the light on and stare at myself in the mirror. My hair, still sweaty and matted sticks to the back of my neck. My eyes, red-rimmed and irritated from the mixture of sweat and makeup let a plethora of tears spill over. My lips, swollen and slightly purple from him sucking on them tremble as I dry desperately to stop crying. Red hickeys decorate my neck and collarbone, taunting me, happily reminding me of what I did. I take my shirt off and throw it on top of my hamper. My bra is inside my book bag, so my breasts are bare. My nipples match the tone of my lips from all the sucking. I'm so ashamed of myself.

I take off my shorts and toss them on top of my shirt. My tattered underwear is in my book bag too. I'm sore between my legs, and I can still feel his thrusts, pelvis to pelvis. I walk with my legs apart to the shower. The stickiness between my thighs is the remainder of my orgasm that I didn't fully ride out while he was inside me. The stickiness on my back is from his, I poorly wiped it off with tissues when we were finished. I can't believe I just did that. He's my TEACHER, for crying out loud. He's married… he has kids. I start my shower water and step inside it. What did I just do? I didn't want to do that. I really didn't want to do that. I thought I did, but if I had just thought about it a little while longer, I know that I wouldn't have done it. My god, what did I do?

The shower spray hits hard against my back. I cannot believe that really just happened. This is literally all my fucking fault. I led him on the whole time. I should've said something. I should've stopped him. I should have got out of there when I could have, before anything escalated. We had sex! It wasn't just a kiss, it wasn't like we made out a little and that was it. We actually had SEX. I'm so ashamed of myself. I'm so… disgusted. I turn and let the spray hit the front of me, washing away his spit, both our sweat, and more importantly, his bodily fluid. I mean, and as if having sex with him wasn't enough, we didn't even use protection.

I'm faithfully on my birth control pill, FAITHFULLY. I used to make SURE Alex used condoms, because the last thing I want is to have a baby at this age. I used to put Alex's condoms on myself, just to make sure they were on correctly. And this time, like a fucking idiot, I didn't use protection. I can't believe I actually enjoyed it, too. What kind of sick, convoluted person am I? I loved every single second of it. I was just really horny. I can't recall the last time I had sex. I can't recall the last time I had sex that good, either. It was so perfect. The way he kissed me, the way he used his mouth, his fingers. It was easily the best sex I've EVER had, but why'd it have to be with my teacher? Of all people on this campus for me to have sex with, of ALL people that think I'm attractive (believe me, there are tons of them) I had to have sex with him? I wish it never happened. I wish I NEVER did it. Not only because he's my fucking professor, but because I KNOW for a fact now that I'm not going to want to have sex with anyone else other than him. Sex isn't something I just DO with anybody. I don't just have it with everyone. I like to keep it steady with just one person.

I step out of the shower and wipe my crying eyes with my towel. I really want to stop thinking so negatively about it. I mean, it happened and I can't take it back no matter how much I desperately want to take it back. I'd give anything to take it back, I swear. But I can't, and I can't deny the fact that it was amazing. I dry myself off and grab a pair of sweatpants to throw on. I wriggle my little black lace thong on my hips and pull the sweatpants on over top of it. I put on the matching bra and pull on one of my old softball tournament t-shirts. I leave my hair down to air dry, pop on my glasses and my flip flops and leave out of my dorm.

I have to tell Selena about this.

* * *

"I have to tell you something." I kick off my flip flops at her door and grab a can of Pepsi from her refrigerator. "Something real important, something you have to PROMISE you'll have an open mind for." I crack open the can, take a sip and sit down next to her on her couch. I love how it's so easy for both Selena and I to become and act so at home with one another. She really, truly is like my sister. I love Madison to death and all that, but I swear I would trade Maddie in for Selena for about a week. Then again, I don't think that blood could make Selena and I any closer than we already are. "You have to spit swear that you'll keep an open mind."

"Wow Demi, did you kill someone?" She grabs her remote and mutes the TV. She was only watching NCIS. Any other show and I don't think she would have muted it for me. Selena's real big on her favorite TV shows. "Okay, I spit swear." She licks her index finger and holds it out to me. I lick mine and rub it against hers. The spit swear is something we came up with in like third grade. Neither one of us have ever broken a spit swear before. "What'd you do?" She crosses her legs and turns to look dead at me.

I can't help but smile. I smile when I'm nervous, not necessarily when something is funny. "I did something bad today…. Like… two hours ago." I bite my lip and the smile just keeps cracking through. "Something REAL bad, Lena. You HAVE to have an open mind about it. You have to promise me that you won't be like… mad at me or you won't judge me and all that." I take another sip of Pepsi. "Because it's like… REALLY bad, Lena. Probably the worst thing I've ever done in my entire life. I'm not proud of myself for doing it, either. So don't make me feel bad about it."

"Well are you gonna tell me what you did?" She throws her hands up. "Did you kill someone? Did you key someone's car?"

"No, none of that." I put my Pepsi back on her coffee table and try again to stop smiling. "It's nothing illegal. Nothing that could send me or the other person to jail. It's just really…. Bad. And not right. Like… it's very….indecent."

"…Dear god Demi, WHERE did you have sex at?! WHO did you have sex with? I'll kill you if you slept with Alex, Demi."

I smile even wider at that. Selena knows me too well for my own good. She knows me too well. "I did have sex with someone, you ARE right about that. But it wasn't Alex, I promise."

"…Who'd you have sex with then?!" Her jaw drops and she looks like she's happy for me or something. "OH MY GOD, DEMI! YOU HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE THAT'S NOT ALEX?!" She hugs me tight. "I'm so proud of you, booboo!"

"Oh… no. Not after you hear who I had sex with…"

"…Who?"

"Guess…" I'm still too embarrassed to admit. I'm so ashamed of myself. This is really the lowest thing I've ever done in my entire life. I'm LOW for this.

"Oh come on, Demi!"

"Guess, Selena. One guess. If you guess it wrong, I'll just tell you. Please just guess… I'm… I'm still a litte… embarrassed about it."

She sighs in pure irritation. "I don't know Demi, damn. Where'd you even get the time to have sex today? I swear, all you did was stay after classes for that algebra test and then you went to softball, didn't you?"

I smirk a little. She's getting warmer. I shake my head just a little. "I didn't go to softball…"

"So where'd you go after you stayed after class, to meet your secret lover?"

I say nothing about that. "I didn't go anywhere after I stayed after class…"

She gives me that look, and it's then that I know she catches my drift. She knows… She knows for sure. Her face looks like I just slapped her across it. "…You… had SEX… with JONAS?" She looks at me with her eyes bugging out of her head. I hang my head in embarrassment. See, I knew she was gonna judge me. I don't know why I thought she wouldn't. I really wish she wouldn't treat me like I've committed a mortal sin. It wasn't the proudest moment of my life, trust me. "Like… actual SEX, SEX? Or… like… SEX?" I don't even see a hint of lightheartedness in her face. She's all serious, all disappointment. "Lemme get this straight… His PENIS… was in your VAGINA… Thrusting in and out? That kind of sex?!" Her eye even twitches a bit as I nod my head. "DEMI, HOW COULD YOU?!"

That's it. One single, soft, salty tear rolls down my cheek and drips onto my sweatpants covered leg. I knew she was going to judge me. I swear I knew it. I don't even know why I told her. "I didn't mean it…" I wipe my tear away but it's useless because more just fall in place of the one I wiped. "See, I knew you wouldn't understand… I don't even know why I came over here." I get up off her couch and slide my flip flops back on to walk back to my dorm. I literally can't stop crying. It's not my finest moment. I've definitely been prouder of myself for things that aren't like this. I'm not proud, I'm ashamed. I fucked up, I know I did. I'm never going to be able to go back to algebra class again.

"No, Demi. Don't leave… I'm sorry." She grabs my arm and pulls me back. "I'm sorry, okay? That's just…. A lot to take in, you know?" She holds my hand and rubs my knuckles with her thumb. "You didn't exactly tell me that you slept with the captain of the football team or the man who drove the taxi cab home. You're telling me that you slept with our teacher, can you understand that? I'm sorry. It was just a lot…" Her apology seems sincere. "Sit back down… we can talk about it." I walk backwards to her couch and sit down slowly. "…Um… HOW did this happen? If you don't mind me asking…" I shrug. I honestly don't know how I let it happen. I'm such a fuck up. "Did… did HE come onto you? Or did YOU come onto him?" She rubs my back with the palm of her hand to comfort me.

"…I don't know." I shrug again and just let my tears keep free falling. "I don't know, Selena…" My shoulders heave one big time and I just let all the tears come out. "W..We came onto each other, I think. At first he was helping me, like really helping me. Then we started talking and things got all weird and intense. I can't remember if I kissed him or if he kissed me, but either way it goes, we started making out. And he started touching me! All over my legs… my thighs… he just…" I sigh. "So I opened my legs for him. I kind of led him on. Like all he was doing was rubbing my legs, and like a dope, I opened my legs. And he touched me between my legs and I unzipped my zipper. He put his hand inside my shorts and just started…. Playing with me." I shake my head. Selena stays silent, letting me explain. "I should have stopped it right there, I should have told him that we couldn't do that or something. But I didn't. It's been so long since I've had sex, Selena… you know that. He was like… touching all the right spots down there so I just let him. It's been so long since a guy's touched me like that. And I got all wet, of course, which led him on some more. He ripped my panties and just started fingering me and kissing me on the lips… like a fucking idiot, I kept… squirming and locking his hands between my legs and letting him know that I loved it. And I reached over and I went in his pants and I started touching him too… he liked it… and out of nowhere, he like… you know… played with my clit real fast so I undressed myself and that was it." I shake my head again.

"…What did you guys do? Like… missionary? 69? Did you ride him? On the floor?" I can tell that she's trying to be easy on me now by asking me random shit.

It's working, because I'm easing up. "…It was head for head." I admit and finally crack a smile, remembering how good he was at it. "He had me on his desk and he was sitting in his chair. Selena, I SWEAR I thought this man was gonna kill me with his tongue! It felt SO good like… I went nuts. I ripped some of his hair out, I wouldn't let him move. I probably could have suffocated him."

She laughs. "And you gave him head? Before or after he gave you head?"

"After." I nod. "He had to have been eating me out for like… a half hour. He had his WHOLE mouth doing work. Like when Alex used to, he would only use his tongue to do the work. No, he had his WHOLE mouth doing work. He was putting his tongue in, taking it out, sucking with his lips… my legs were shaking, that's how good it was. I was like… convulsing all over his desk." I hide my face from her, embarrassed. "Then I went down on him and he like… pulled my hair all hard. I kept gagging on it though. It's huge, Selena. Like… really big. It had to have been like… eight or nine inches."

She shakes her head. "I'm actually happy that you had fun. But with JONAS?! SERIOUSLY?" She falls back on her couch in sheer disbelief. "So like… what positions? I want details! Like… what did he stroke like? Did you scream? Did he yell? Did you cum? DID HE CUM?!"

"…I don't really know. Like at first… he grabbed my legs and like… pulled me to the edge of his desk. Then he put it in and we did it like that… and I was screaming so loud. I'm so shocked that we didn't get caught, honestly. We were being soooo loud. He kept holding my legs open and just going soooo hard. And you know how I told you that I like… talk a lot when I'm having sex? I could NOT shut up. Every four letter word was flying out of my mouth… I used the lord's name in vain sooo many times." I lie down on her bed. "He was going so hard that my vagina went numb, I swear. We knocked a drawer or two out of his desk and broke a couple picture frames. I guess you would call that missionary."

"….OH MY GOD! So then what? Was it like… over?"

"Hell no! He laid me down flat on his desk and started going all fast and hard again. And that's when I came the SECOND time. The first time was when he was fingering me. Then I think his leg cramped up so we sat down and he let me ride. And you know how like… the…. Talking problem?" She nods. "I did more talking than moaning and it was so embarrassing. I kept trying to shut myself up but I couldn't stop talking! But I don't think he minded… he kept telling me how tight it was and how wet it was…" I put my hands over my face and mumble this last part. "He made me… He made me squirt, okay?!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES! And it was more than once, too. All over his chair and stuff…. I haven't done that in YEARS. It was SO messy… like during the whole thing, I was just like… fuck, can't I just do it normal?" I flop back on her bed and sigh. "It was perfect, Lena. A little uncomfortable, because we were in the classroom… but it was perfect. Like… I got mine before he got his… and he kept telling me how good I was. He was like 'You're good at riding, you're good at this, you're good at that…' it was so sweet. And I have so much more respect now…" I crack a smile. "I used to think Alex was amazing in bed… he can't hold a candle to Joe…"

"Joe?! You're on a first name basis with him now?!" She just keeps smiling at me. "This is so crazy… I'm never gonna be able to look at him the same…" She shakes her head. "Okay, then what? After you rode him, then what?" She crosses her legs and just looks at me. "I want ALL details, Demi! What was it like doing an older guy? What was your favorite part?"

"…Favorite part would have to be the head. He was like… licking all over it and sucking on it and oh my GOD, Selena I went cross eyed. His tongue literally felt like a penis. I went all cross eyed and I was thinking Fuck, this is soooo good. I kept like… holding his head between my legs and he would just lick it some more when I did that. His head was fucking great." I smile just remembering how amazing it was. "And I don't know…. I forgot he was older because it was just sex to me. He found a bunch of ways to do it in the classroom, though."

"I don't believe you… YOU SERIOUSLY HAD SEX WITH JONAS?"

"Okay, you're really starting to piss me off now. Why would I lie to you about this?" I sigh. "It was good sex, too. I'm so ashamed, Selena. Like he's MARRIED…. And he has babies… and I didn't even make him use a condom. It was so heat of the moment, condoms weren't even on my mind. It happened SO fast, too. One minute, we were talking. Next minute, I was literally riding him. It was so crazy… and I'm so ashamed. Like… I don't want to go to class tomorrow. I don't want to see him. I don't even want to look him in the eye. I had sex with our professor, Selena. I'm freaking out! Like do you understand that for the rest of this college year, I will have to live with the fact that I SLEPT WITH OUR TEACHER."

"SO wait… you didn't use condoms with him? DID HE CUM?!"

"YES! My god, Selena. CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT I'M FREAKING OUT HERE?!"

"DEMI WHAT IF YOU'RE PREGNANT?!"

"I'm not pregnant, Selena. I'm on fucking birth control and he pulled out." I roll my eyes. She's really starting to make me angry. "He came on my back not inside my vagina."

"Are you gonna do it again?"

"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!" I finally just snap out at her. I never cuss at Selena like that. Hell, I don't swear at anyone like that unless they make me REALLY mad. I don't really have a foul mouth. I'm not the type to lose my shit, either. That's just not my character. "WILL YOU STOP TRYING TO GET ME TO TELL YOU EVERY SINGLE THING FOR A SECOND?! PLEASE?! I'M FREAKING OUT, SELENA. I'M FREAKING OUT. I HAD SEX WITH OUR TEACHER. I _FUCKED _A MARRIED MAN, AND I LIKED IT! SCRATCH THAT, I LOVED IT. WHAT DO I DO?!"

"…Demi, for once… I don't know what to tell you to do, honey." She uses her thumbs to wipe my tears. "I don't know what to tell you to do about it. I mean, lots of guys have affairs and cheat on their wives, so don't blame yourself. It takes two to lie down and have sex. It's not just your fault honey…." She keeps wiping my tears. "I don't know what to tell you to do. I mean, you probably should talk to him about it. See where he stands. I mean, it's not gonna be awkward unless you two make it awkward… you know?"

I nod. "That's just it, though. I don't know what to say to him…. I've been tempted to text him about it already but I just don't know what to say. I can't just be like 'hey, thanks for eating me out for a half hour after class today, hope we can do it again!' What do I say to him?"

"…Just be like… 'Hey can we talk about what happened?' And then let him know that you enjoyed it but you don't want to do it again."

"…Should I text him right now?"

"…The sooner the better."

I grab my phone off the table and go to Joe's contact. I send him one single text message that covers it all.

Me: Hey!

Right away, as if he'd been waiting for me to text him, he texts me back.

Him: Hey whats up?

Me: uhhh nothing :p can we talk?

Him: about?

Me: you know what its about…

Him: O. yeah… uh… what about it?

Me: do you have time to talk to me? if not its ok I just need some time to talk to you…

Him: im just watching some tv I have time.

Me: okay, so… what did you think about it?

After I send that text, Selena unmutes her TV and pays her attention back to the TV show. One thing I love about Selena is that she knows when to butt out. This is my battle now…

Him: it was ok. You?

Me: yeah it was okay…

Him: is that all you wanted to talk about?

Me: no uhh…

Him: ?

Me: it wasn't okay…

Him: it wasn't? im sorry.

Me: no it was…. AMAZZZZING. i feel better don't you?

Him: yeah lol. and yeah it wasn't just ok for me either. i want it again if u do…

Me: idk I don't think we should do it again bc we might get caught

Him: yeah I agree.

Me: um… did you have a favorite part?

Him: all. :)

Me: oh haha. I had a fave part.

Him: what was it?

Me: why? Lol ;)

I can't help but crack a smile. It's like I'm embarrassed, but talking to him takes it all away. As much as I want to convince myself that I don't, I have to admit that I really want it again. It was SO good.

Him: just in case we do it again I need to know what you like ;)

Me: :p :p :p uhhhh.

Him: ooooo so you liked that?

Me: mhmmmmm.

Him: well it tasted good ;) I wanna taste it again I can still taste it in my mouth mmm

Me: :) :)

Him: your legs were shakin…

Me: I was cummin haha what did u expect?

Him: I know u were I could feel it on my tongue

Me: so what was your favorite part if you had to pick one?

Him: uhmm…. I liked eating too but u ride sooo good

Me: ive been told that before ;) maybe ill ride again someday youll never know

Him: I want to know tho.

Me: maybe not in a chair next time :O

Him: yea maybe not. So u really don't want to do it no more? :(

Me: I do but I don't think we should. We just need to talk tomorrow.

Him: can you stay after class?

Me: idk yet gotta see what my schedule is.

Him: ok. Cuz I think we need to talk about it too. it was good but idk if we should do it either.

Me: yea. you can always find someone else tho. Youre attractive enough to find someone else.

Him: nah urs was good.

Me: huh?

Him: ur pussy was great that's all I want is urs.

Me: what was so good about it?

Him: idk it was wet and soooo tight. Ur boyfriend is lucky

Me: don't have one :b

Him: ooooo.

Me: so um can we talk in person tomorrow?

Him: yea as long as u can stay after class or come before class im available demi

Me: uhh ill let you know. k?

Him: ok.

Me: ttyl?

Him: ill text you later.

Me: okay :D

Well, that talk didn't go the way I needed it to go. I was supposed to tell him how I'm really feeling. But, I guess I can tell him all that tomorrow. I can spend the rest of the night, admitting to myself that Joe was the best sex partner I've ever had.


	12. Hangover

**Joe's Point of View.**

"Yep… I finally did it." I place one of my porcelain dominoes next to Mike's and make my next move. After I make my move, I pick up my icy glass of brew and take a small sip. I'd rather be here, playing dominoes with my best friend than to go home. Truthfully, I'd rather be anywhere other than home. I don't know if I'm ready to look at my wife just yet. I'm not prepared to deal with her yet. "I knew it was going to happen today. I woke up with the feeling. When I saw her, the feeling got stronger. I knew today was going to be the day." Mike looks at me with an off-kilted half smile and puts his next domino next to mine, building on a seven.

"And?" Mike drinks the last big gulp of his beer and pushes his mug to the side until he feels like getting up to get a refill. "Was it as good as you thought it was going to be? Better?" He prods. I know I promised Demi that I wouldn't tell anybody about what we did, but it's just Mike, so I don't think he counts. I trust Mike with my entire life. I trust that he won't tell anyone what I'm saying, mostly because I'm his only friend so he has no one to tell. But I also trust him because he confided in me last year when he cheated on his wife once. It was a one-time thing and he hasn't done it again, but he still told me and I wouldn't dare breathe a word to his wife. I know he won't tell mine. "Feels good to get it out of your system, doesn't it?"

"Yeah." I put my hand of dominoes down to talk to him without interruption. He takes that as a white-flag waving and puts his down too. "It was great, Mike. Everything about it was just great." I lean back and allow myself to go back several hours to when it actually happened. I can explain everything detail for detail when I do that. "Every time she would moan, she'd moan in my ear. And she'd wrap her legs around my waist so I could go deeper. Her moan is so pretty. She was a talker, though. Real dirty, nasty talk too. It was so hot. She's a squirter, too; squirted all over me." I smile and just shake my head. "She isn't a baby, either. She knows VERY well what she's doing. I've gotten a lot of ass in my day, but I ain't ever had a girl that rode like that." I nod just once. "I'm gonna get her again, believe that."

He nods understandingly. "Yeah, I know the feeling. Just be careful, especially with a little girl like that. She probably fucks like she's grown, but all jokes aside, she's still a kid. Kids get their feelings involved, bro. Just be careful, that's all I have to say." He leans back and rubs his barely-there chin hair. "Yeah, the feeling is good for the moment. But if you don't know how to control it, it can ruin your life. I got lucky that Claud took me back after she found me out. Remember that?" He shakes his head. "Took me about a year to get her to trust me again, and she still brings it up every now and again. I don't want to see the same thing happen to you and Bea…"

Mike's right about that much. Demi doesn't have much to lose by sleeping with me, but I have everything to lose. If Blanda ever found out that I slept with Demi, she'd no doubt try to divorce me and I wouldn't see my girls every day. I know that much for a fact. But, I'll never get caught. I'll never speak of what Demi and I did again, I swear to it. "You're right…" I pinch the bridge of my nose. "I can't fuck her again. I have too much to lose. I wouldn't be able to deal with not seeing my girls every day, Mike. I gotta leave her alone." I sigh, realizing the truth in my words. I don't even know how I'm going to face my wife after doing what I've done. It's not fair that Demi doesn't have to face anyone. It's not fair how she can just go on with her life because it was just sex. She doesn't have a boyfriend or a significant other to answer to. Meanwhile, I have to go home and look my wife in her face and try to not feel guilty about cheating on her. It's not right how different the repercussions are for us.

"Well, at least you learned your lesson and got it out of your system." Mike pushes his chair out from the table and goes into his kitchen. It's not until now that I remember that we are in his house. His wife, Claudia and Bea and very good friends, so I hope Claudia didn't hear anything that she might run back and tell my wife. Mike says Claud's as heavy a sleeper as Bea is, so she can't hear us. But it still worries me. He grabs two more cans of Miller Lite's from the fridge and walks back over. "At least you bagged it up, right?"

A sly, nervous smile spreads across my face. "…I told you it happened fast." I sigh. "No… I didn't have bags on me, so I hit it raw." Now that I think about it with a clear mind, I realize how stupid I am. I don't know if Demi's on birth control, if she has any STDs or STIs. I don't know if she's clean or whatever. She smelled clean when I went down on her, but still. It was stupid of me to screw her with no condoms or other methods of protection. I can't tell you what I'd do if I got her pregnant or caught something from her. "I pulled out though… I didn't bust in her, I busted on her ass."

Mike looks at me like I just told him that the sky isn't blue. "You fucked her without a condom, dude?! Are you sick?!" He just shakes his head at me. "You know girls can get pregnant from precum, right? You had unprotected sex with that girl and she could be carrying your bastard seed RIGHT now… are you NUTS?! Do you WANT to get caught?!"

"Alright, Mike." I hold my hand up to shut him up. "There isn't anything I can do about it now. I had a stupid moment, okay? You've had stupid moments too. The only thing I can do about it is move on, right? I won't let it happen again, and if it does happen again, it CERTAINLY won't be without a condom. I had a lapse of judgment. Besides…" I take a sip of my beer. "Let her come to me and tell me she's pregnant…." I put the cup down and sincerely mean what I'm about to say. "I'm sorry, but that bitch will be taking a trip down the steps. I'm not losing my wife over that shit."

"You would never. Stop talking like that."

"Psssht! You really think I'm joking? I swear to goodness Mike. If she came to me and told me that she's pregnant, I'm pushing her down a flight of steps. She's not having my baby, get out of here." I shake my head and I REALLY mean that. If Demi came to me and said that I got her pregnant, either she's going to get a LEGAL abortion or she'll be down the steps. I'd let her take the choice, but she's NOT having it. I refuse to lose my wife over some bullshit. "Either I'm pushing her, she's getting a real abortion or I'll kick her in her fuckin' stomach. I'm serious about this. I'd rather take my chances in jail than to have her have my kid."

I have to talk to Demi, ASAP. We have so much to discuss. Firstly, I have to make sure that she ISN'T pregnant. Secondly, I wonder if she's clean. Like I said, she smelled clean, but that doesn't mean that she can't have like AIDS or something like that. This is part of the reason why I hate talking to Mike sometimes. He forces me to think logically and I hate it. Before I came over here to see him, I enjoyed what Demi and I did. I was happy that it happened and I really wanted it to happen again. Now, I'm not so sure if I enjoyed it. And I'm even more uncertain if I want it to happen again.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

"Demi, come on. You need to go home now…" Selena grabs me by my arm and pulls me away from the tall, light-skinned boy I'm dancing with. I never did catch his name, but he's really cute. I think he's biracial, his eyes are a very pretty light shade of green and he has neatly groomed hair. He's very cute. "It's getting to be pretty late…" She keeps pulling me. I'm not sure why she's taking me away from him. It was her idea to come to this stupid party anyway. It's fucked up how as soon as I start having fun, she's ready to leave. That's actually so fucking annoying. "How much have you had to drink?" I should be asking her the same question.

"I'm FINE, Selena. I'm not drunk…" I pull away from her. "It's not even 12:30 yet… let's just stay. I only had one cup of E&J and Pepsi. I'm fine…" I look at her. I think she only wants to go home because David's driving out tonight and staying on campus with her for the rest of the weekend. It's not fair how I have to suffer just because she has a boyfriend. I'm single as hell and I don't have a man, I should be allowed to have all the fun I want. Selena adjusts her pink lace crop-top and her booty shorts and sighs. "We can leave in an hour…"

"…Okay. But Demi, you ARE drunk. I know you…" She fixes my clothes after she fixes hers. She grabs the red Solo cup out of my hand and puts it on the coffee table behind us. "No more to drink for you. I don't want to have to scrape you up off the floor." Selena always has been able to handle her liquor a little better than I've been able to handle mine. But honestly, I'm the drinker and Selena's the smoker. And judging by the redness around the rims of her eyes, she's been smoking quite a bit tonight. "Just keep your clothes on, babe." She lets me go and starts to walk away. "I'll be out on the porch if you need me. Kenny's rolling up again…. just come find me."

I nod once and go back to my dance partner just as a new song starts. I love when songs that I know the dances to come on. I just have to find a guy that knows how to do the guy part of this dance. _"All this money on me… Like I'm taking from a G. All she tryna do is get naked…_" The song starts and the guy I'm dancing with puts his hands on my hips. I turn around to face him with while I ask him a question. "You know how to do this dance?" I look behind us and all the girls and guys that know how to do it are partnering up. Okay, maybe I am a little tipsy. He nods at me and I turn back around and put my butt against his pelvis. He holds my waist. _"And she gon' shake it like a red nose…"_ I remember that Selena taught me how to do this in the first place. Call it what you will, but I'm so used to doing it with her. I always did the girl part while she did the guy part. I won't lie; we used to get REALLY into it. We aren't lesbians, but if you ever saw us do the Red Nose dance at parties back at home, you would swear we are.

It was Selena's idea to go to this party anyway. She thought I needed to get my mind off Joe, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that she's probably right. Going out and getting drunk really doesn't take the shame I feel for myself away, but it sure as hell helps. If I'm not thinking about Joe, I don't feel so bad about doing what I did. I know Selena asked me not to, but fuck it. I'm eighteen, and I'm an adult. So, after the song is over, I turn around to my dance partner and give him one of my "I-know-you-just-met-me-and-I'm-a-good-person smiles" and pull my mini skirt down. He lifted it up while we were dancing, I guess. "I'mmm… gonna go… get another drink… oooookay?" My words come out slightly slurred. "Don't miss mmme too much…"

He smiles at me and slaps my ass as I walk away. I'm not sure, but I think he's sober. He doesn't strike me as under the influence, which really makes me wish I wasn't. Whatever, though. Hopefully I'll get so drunk I won't remember tonight. I walk to the kitchen where the host of the party is serving up drinks. I don't know his name either. All I know is that Selena showed up at my dorm at 11:00 and said that she heard a senior was having a party down in his dorm and we were going. Honestly, all I heard was the word "party" and that was enough for me to drop everything, get all dolled up and go with her. It's been a really long time since I've gotten drunk, and I needed to let loose. "What do you want me to get you?" The senior boy asks. He has short, spiky, brown hair and blue eyes. He's sort of cute. I reach in my pocket, because we have to pay him for drinks. I dig out a five dollar bill. "Do you have any more uh… Three Olives? The Marilyn Monroe strawberry…" I hand him my money.

He smiles at me and turns to find and mix my liquor of choice. "So, are you a freshman? I haven't seen you around here before. I usually notice girls like you." He mixes my drink with a coffee stirrer and hands it to me. "Mind giving me a name?" He pushes the money across the table at me. "Keep it."

"Yeah…." I nod and take one sip of it. Three Olives is so good. "Yeah, I'm a freshman, I mean. And my name's Demi." I take another longer sip. If I was sober, I probably wouldn't tell him my name. But that's the thing. Drunk Demi and sober Demi are two totally different people. Drunk Demi will say and do anything that's on her mind, and not give a damn who is offended or what the topic is. Sober Demi is a lot more reserved, polite and very, very annoyingly quiet. You ever feel that way? Like you're two totally different people, I mean. Like on the outside is the way you were born and raised to act, but trapped up inside of you is another entity just dying to get out and show the world that she (or he) exists. Ever feel that? If you haven't, take my word for it when I say that it is the worst feeling ever.

"Demi…" He says my name and it rolls off his tongue with ease. His smile is really nice; I think he's flirting with me. "Demi, Demi, Demi…." He mixes me up another cup of Three Olives and hands it to me again. "Sexy name, actually." He rests his elbows on the table and leans forward. "You have a beautiful smile. Anyone ever tell you that?" Yeah, he's definitely flirting with me. I feel weird, because I don't feel right flirting back.

I just smile and nod at him. "Yeah, a few times." I tuck my hair behind my ear.

"Well I'm gonna tell you again. Your smile is beautiful."

"Thank you…"

"You're welcome, Miss Demi." He downs a cup of straight Hennessy. He must be really strong to do that, because I would be throwing up if I did that. I have to have a chaser when I drink brown liquor otherwise I'll throw it ALL up. He reaches across the table and touches my wrist. "So will I be seeing you around my campus? Where do you live?"

I run my hands through my hair and take a deep breath. I'm really starting to feel all my drinks. I need to go home. I'm gonna puke or piss, whichever comes first. And if I puke, I'd like to be in my own room to do it. I stand up from the table and stumble to the back door, completely ignoring the guy's question. Call me crazy, but I like getting so drunk that I throw up. I really do love getting pissy drunk. It takes away how I feel for the moment, and it's even better if I won't remember the night. It's a bit of an escape.

At least for a little while.

* * *

I grab my phone off the pillow next to me and put it to my ear. The ringing was so loud I couldn't ignore it even if I tried. My head is throbbing, but I knew that it would be. I was so fucked up last night…. I don't remember shit. My dad's voice sounds like it's four thousand times louder than what it probably actually is. "Uh… okay, dad…. Hold on." I lean over the side of my bed and close my eyes so the room will stop spinning. Holy shit I'm hungover. Once I stabilize myself, I try talking to him again. "Okay, what?" The back of my throat is so dry I can hardly talk. I stare up at the ceiling and realize that I'm lying on Selena's couch, not in a bed at all. I don't remember coming home last night, I don't remember going to sleep. I don't remember ANYTHING.

"Dad?! Demi, I'm not your dad!" Selena's voice hollers at me through the phone. Okay, if she's not my dad, then she must know that I'm extremely fucking hungover and all that yelling shit is for the birds. My head feels like it's going to explode. If I'm in her dorm, she HAS to know that I was drunk as fuck last night, right? "Are you up?!"

"Stop. Fucking. Yelling. At. Me." I say through clenched teeth. I feel like shit. "What do you want?" I brace myself against the arm of her couch and sit up slowly. If she's calling me, then she must not be home. I don't feel good… "…Wait, where are you?" I feel my lip poke out like it always does when I get upset. "….Selena, where are you? Why am I here alone?" I think I'm gonna cry.

"You're not alone. David's in the room. I went to get a few groceries. Stop crying, Demi." She sounds annoyed with me. "You're really starting to bother me with your crying, you know."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that I'm not your mother, Demi. You really annoy me how you want me to baby you all the time. You got on my nerves so bad last night." I hear beeping in the background so I assume she's checking out at the store. "You know what, Demi? If you want to go out and drink like a thirty year old, at least you can take care of yourself. You're adult enough to go and swallow enough liquor for the both of us, you're adult enough to take care of yourself."

A couple tears fall from my left eye. "What do you mean?"

"You were SO fucked up last night! I had to take care of you!" The beeping stops. "You pissed all over my damn couch AND you came in my room BUTT ASS NAKED in front of my boyfriend! Not to mention, you kept crying and throwing up all over my fucking dorm. I TOLD you not to drink anything else, didn't I? I HATE when you drink, because you can NEVER handle your fucking liquor. You don't remember SHIT, do you? Demi, you started fighting me! You slapped David in his face then you spit on me…"

"…I did?" Now that she mentions it, I do feel a little bit of pain on the right side of my face. "…Why didn't you kick me out?" My jaw trembles a lot and I can't stop crying once I've started. "I'm sorry…"

"What kind of friend would I be to kick you out and leave you to walk six blocks back to your dorm while you're pissy ass drunk like that? With the way you were hoeing around last night, I wouldn't be surprised if someone would have raped you. I couldn't just kick you out." I hear her start the car in the background. "You calmed down after I punched the shit out of you for spitting on me. You spit all in my face. I'm sorry for punching you, but you SPIT in my FACE."

"No, no… it's okay." She was right to punch me. I would have punched me too if I were in her shoes. I can't believe I did all that, and I don't remember any of it. I really have to stop drinking… "I'll… I'll be out by the time you come home, I promise. I'm so sorry…" My hand is over my mouth in shock. I can't believe I did that… "I'm going home…"

"No Demi, stay there. I already bought you some hangover food." Her voice buckles and I can tell what's happening. She's starting to feel bad for me like she always does when I'VE done wrong. Selena always starts to feel bad after she yells at me; even when I deserve it. "Just stay there. I'm sorry, I know you didn't mean it. Just stay there, okay? It's not your fault… I took you out. I made you go out, it's my fault."

"…Selena, you can be mad at me. It wasn't your fault… it's my entire fault. I should handle my alcohol better." I take a deep breath and attempt to stop crying. "But I'm not gonna drink again. And I'm gonna apologize to David too. I'm so sorry…" I sniff. "And I'll clean everything up…"

"There's nothing for you to clean up. I cleaned it all last night. David's gonna take the couch cushions to the Laundromat today to wash them." She shuts the car door. "I'm on my way in. I'll talk to you in a minute." She doesn't even say goodbye or anything. She just hangs up the phone and that's the end of it.

I feel like shit, to say the least. Selena is always the one that takes care of me when I'm drunk. I can't believe I treated her like that. I mean, I have had to take care of her before while she was drunk, but that was only one time and all she did was throw up in my toilet. She never treated me the way I treated her. I feel so bad. I swear I'm never going to drink again. I always knew that I was bad at handling my shit, but this really put it all in perspective for me. I'm not drinking like that again. It felt good to do it last night, but it's not fair of me to make Selena take care of me when I want to do that to myself. I owe her a huge apology. You know what sucks the most, though? The fact that this just adds to my shame. I've come to the conclusion that I don't like myself that much.

I wipe my face off, careful around my sore right cheek and pick my phone back up. I have three unread text messages, and to be honest, I don't want to answer any of them. I click on them anyway to see who they're from. One's from my dad, two are from Joe. Oh god, what does he want? I click on the one from my dad first.

Dad: call me when u wake up. i was thinking we can go 2 dinner 2day so we can catch up. love you honey. –dad

Remind me to call him later. I reluctantly click on the ones from Joe.

Him: are you sleep?

Him: ok ur obviously sleeping but call me in the morning ok? i really got to talk to you about some shit k?

Me: Can I call you now?

I'd rather just get it over and done. I don't feel like talking to him right now, to be honest. I don't want anything to do with him at the moment. I just need a day to shut my phone off and just rest. The stage of self-hatred I'm in right now is honestly lower than I've ever felt in my life. I hate myself. I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself.

Him: yea.

I sigh and tap "call." I put the ringing phone to my ear and just pray that he doesn't want anything from me today.


	13. Close Call

"…Selena?" I knock on her bedroom door softly. She hasn't really spoken to me since she got home from the store. I think she's still angry with me, which I completely understand. I've counted six throw-up stains from me in her carpet already and I haven't even gone to her bedroom yet. I can only imagine how many more there are inside the bedroom. I guess she cares though, because she won't let me go home yet. I'm still pretty hungover, but I've already decided that I'm leaving out. Joe sounded really mad at me on the phone, because I missed class this morning. I really did forget that it's Friday. I've been thinking that it's a Saturday. Blame it on the alcohol.

I think I hear her say "come in", so I twist the doorknob and open it up. She and David are both lying in bed. David is shirtless and Selena's in a tank top and nothing else but that. Now that I think about it, I don't think she did tell me to come in. They look like they're about to do something, and I just barged right in. When she hears the door open, Selena hops off David and clutches her sheets close to her body. "ARE YOU SERIOUS, DEMI?!" She screams at me. Oops. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" She's REALLY mad at me.

I cover my eyes, as if that'll make it better. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I thought you said…. I'm sorry!" I back out of the door and keep my eyes covered. "I knocked! I'm sorry!" I hear her mattress creak, suggesting that she's getting out of the bed. Once I'm back inside her living room, I take my hands away from my eyes and keep apologizing. "I'm sorry!" When I look at her, I see that she's in NOTHING else but her tank top. Her entire lower half is naked, and it's clear that I barged in right in the middle of something. I feel so bad. "I'll leave!"

"YEAH, LEAVE. I'VE BEEN SO FUCKING LENIENT WITH YOU, BUT NO MORE! GET OUT OF MY DORM! JUST BECAUSE YOU KNOCKED DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN JUST COME INSIDE!" She screams at me with her hands still on her bedroom door. I've never seen her so angry. "I'M SO SICK OF IT, DEMI. I'M SICK OF IT. I'VE BEEN BABYING YOU EVER SINCE THE THIRD GRADE. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GROW UP? YOU KNOW… THERE COMES A TIME WHEN I HAVE TO STOP FEELING SO SORRY FOR YOU. AND I'M DONE, DEMI. I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M SO DONE. YOU'RE EIGHTEEN, IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GROW UP! GET YOUR OWN LIFE! STOP TRYING TO INSERT YOURSELF IN MINE!" She slams her bedroom door so hard that four of the picture frames hanging on her wall fall down and shatter.

Is she right about any of that? Do I count on Selena to baby me? Am I immature? My lip involuntarily pokes out and I slide on my flip flops to walk home. I just needed to borrow some clothes to walk to math class. Joe said if I'm late, he's gonna rip up the retest and give me the 47%. I told him I'd be there by 1:30, and it's already 12:40. By the time I walk back to my dorm to get dressed and walk to math class, I'll be late. I guess I could just go in the clothes I have on. The plain black mini-skirt and the bright pink camisole I have on from the party last night isn't so bad. They just smell like alcohol. I could use a hairbrush too… that's all I wanted from her. Why am I so stupid? I taste a few salty tears that hit my lip and grab my half-dead cell phone. I leave Selena's dorm, shutting the door behind myself.

I'm still going to be late to take that retest, but hopefully Joe will understand. You know, I used to be so excited to go to college. Back in high school, I used to tell myself that college was going to be so different from senior year, for many reasons. For one, I used to think that once I was in the same school as Alex, he wouldn't get so nervous and jealous about what he presumed I was doing with other boys. I used to think that he would stop hitting me so much once he could see for himself that I'm faithful. I didn't really think that his beatings were so bad, because I like to think of myself as a tough girl. It's needless to say that I was very, very wrong about college being what I needed to get him to stop beating on me. I'm only a month in, and I've already broken up with him.

I also used to think that once I got away from my overprotective father (who still thinks I'm a virgin, by the way) and my meddling little sister, I'd be happier. Well, I miss my dad more than words can explain, and I also miss Madison. By that, I mean I miss my dad's cooking, jokes, and the way he'd take me to the batting cages to blow off some steam, just me and him. I don't mean that I miss Maddie reading my text messages and hacking into my Facebook account to see what she can snoop around and find. I don't miss her wearing my push-up bras, destroying entire boxes of my tampons because "they make good piñatas for her Barbies", or staining my leotards. I miss her making me laugh, and asking me to lay with her when she couldn't fall asleep. It's needless to say that I was wrong about wanting to live on my own.

And most of all, I used to think that since Priscilla and Marissa weren't going to the same college as us, Selena and I would get ten times closer than what we were in high school. So far, I've pissed her off about three hundred thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine times and counting. I'm pretty sure she hates me, and I'm pretty sure I won't hear anything else from her for at least the rest of this week. Again, it's needless to say that I was wrong about getting closer with her once we were away from all the distractions that used to be our very best friends.

So far, all I've managed to do in college is get punched in the face a few times by my ex-boyfriend, get drunk, get kicked out of my best friend's dorm, win four gold medals at a gymnastics meet, miss three softball practices, lose my starting spot on the softball team, be touched by my own mother's boyfriend, and screw my math professor. Woo hoo.

As I wipe away the tears that have fallen down my face, I pull open the door to Founders-Hall and walk past the admissions desk to hurry along up to my math class. I'm only about six minutes late. I hope Joe understands that I tried to get here as quickly as I could have gotten here. I think I just really need someone to talk to. I feel like my head is going to just fly off and explode, and that's NOT the hangover talking. It's the fact that I have so much shit just bottled up inside of me and nobody to tell. I have nobody that will listen, and just keep listening until I've gotten everything out. I don't want advice or anything. I'm not asking for someone that'll tell me exactly what to do. I'm just asking for someone to listen to me.

I guess that's too much to ask for these days.

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

I put the copy of the retest down on Demi's desk and sit back down in my chair. I'm not allowing myself to think about what we did. I'm not allowing myself to even think about her like that anymore. This morning, when we talked on the phone, I started to ask her if she's on birth control and if she's clean, but I just reminded myself that it doesn't matter if she is or if she isn't, because I'm not having sex with her again. It was a one-time thing and it will NEVER happen again. At least I hope it'll never happen again… I force the thoughts out of my head. The thoughts of her face and how pretty she looked when she was moaning and clawing at my back, the thoughts of how sweet she tasted between her legs and the thoughts of how soft her lips are, haunt me. I'm trying so hard to ignore the fact that I'm sitting where she came. My desk is where I had her. It took me an hour and a half to clean up the mess we made. I click on my iTunes icon and listen to a little bit of music until Demi gets here, just to clear my mind.

She swore that she slept in today and that she'd be here by 1:30. Well, she missed class today so she's already on my strike list. I really ought to start treating her like a regular student. I like her and all, but she's just like everyone else. She doesn't warrant my special treatment just because things between us got a little sexual. I won't tell her now that I'm not letting her retake the test, because that would be wrong, but starting tomorrow she will be treated like all my other students. That's a must. I check the time on my laptop. 1:35, she's late. To calm myself, I start mumbling the words and checking my integrated math tests. "When the days are cold and the cards all fold and the saints we see are all made of gold when your dreams all fail and the ones we hail are the worst of all and the blood's run stale. I wanna hide the truth, I wanna shelter you, but with the beast inside there's nowhere we can hide, no matter what we breed we still are made of greed. This is my kingdom come, this is my kingdom come." I check the time again. 1:36. "When you feel my heat, look into my eyes it's where my demons hide…"

There's a soft knock on the glass window of my door. "Come in." I call to her. I already unlocked my door so she can get in. It must be her, because if it isn't then she's going to fail, plain and simple. I tamper the volume on my computer down a little and look up at the door as it opens. Sure enough, she walks through it. Her long, black hair is tied up in a messy, wavy ponytail that touches her forearm. She has a small curtain of side bangs hanging out. Her mini-skirt is plain black and her tank top is bright pink with her boobs hanging out the top. Her worn down black flip flops match her skirt. It drives me nuts how her tank top is slightly rising up around her waist, allowing me to see her two little hip piercings. I can't shake the thought that I've seen her naked.

"I'm sorry…" She closes the door behind herself and sits down quietly, without another word at her desk. She looks just as sorry as she sounds. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that she just came from off the streets. I say nothing to her and let her take her test in silence. She crosses her legs under her desk and grabs a light blue mechanical pencil from her light and dark brown Michael Kors purse. I watch her take her calculator out of her purse too. I pause my music and clear my throat to scold her. I'm her teacher, and it's time I start acting like it.

"You're late, Demi. You said you'd be here by 1:30." I stand up from my desk and walk over to her. "You better get done by 2:00, because I've had it with the excuses. I've had it with the excuses and I've had it with you."

"I said I'm sorry." She mutters and moves her hair from her face. The alcohol on her is so heavy that I smell it standing five feet away from her. She's barely old enough to legally get into a nightclub, let alone old enough to drink. She smells like she's been drinking, and drinking A LOT.

I run my hands through my hair and sigh. "I don't care if you're sorry. You missed class this morning and when I give you a second chance, you're late?" I sort of feel bad yelling at her, but I NEED to toughen up on her. No matter how hot she is, I have to be strict. "You know better than that, Miss Lovato. I told you yesterday—"

"…Whoa, okay." She interrupts me, puts her pencil down and holds her hand up at me. She lifts her head up and switches her glance from the test back up to me standing over her with those big, beautiful chocolate brown eyes. They're so pretty. "….HOW did I get all the way back to 'Miss Lovato'? What did I do to you? You're hardly being fair. I said I was sorry, Joe. I sl—"

I interrupt her. "It's Mr. Jonas or Dr. Jonas."

Her jaw unhinges and drops. "….What?" She pushes her chair out from the desk and gathers up her purse, calculator and her pencil. "…NOW you want to be professional? …If I'm that much of a burden, I'll just leave, really." She pushes the chair back in and turns to leave. "Don't worry about the test; just give me the grade I deserve. I'm still sorry I was late." She starts walking back towards the door. I sigh. She makes this so hard.

"Demi, wait." I pinch the bridge of my nose like I always do when I'm trying to think. I blow out a huff of air and grit my teeth. "I'm sorry, alright? I just think we should try to keep our relationship professional from here on out. …I'm sure you didn't mean for things to go the way they did yesterday, as I didn't mean for them to go that way either. I just think that we got off on the wrong foot. Demi, I'd still like to be your friend, as well as a good teacher. But I can't allow things to escalate to that extent anymore. I'll delete your number from my phone and you'll delete mine. We'll be friends, but teacher and student. Alright?"

"That's fine with me." She shrugs and flips her hair out of her face. "I told you how I felt." She puts her head down and looks at the ground. "…I didn't do that with you for my grade… I did it because I wanted to." In a nervous gesture, she rubs her foot along the floor and sways back and forth. "I'm sorry, Mr. Jonas. I was just…. I mean, I just…" She sighs. "You were being really nice to me and I didn't know what else to do. And I'm sorry for being late. I went out last night and things got out of hand and I ended up sleeping in. I'm just… sorry." She starts sucking on her bottom lip and opens her mouth. When she opens her mouth to talk, tears just flood her face. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't even get the chance to change my clothes, I haven't been home since last night…"

Dammit, Demi. Why does she have to make this SO hard? Don't do it, Joe. Don't do it. I try to talk myself down off the ledge, unsuccessfully. I can't help it. Her eyes are just so hypnotizing. Her lips are so soft and perfectly pink. Don't do it… Please don't do it. I have to resist. DON'T DO IT. I just keep looking at her. Fuck it, I can't help myself. I reach down and lift her chin up with my hand, lean in and press my lips to hers. Her lips are just as soft as they were yesterday. She takes a moment before she accepts my kiss and kisses me back. I wrap my arms around her and stare into her eyes. "…What happened?" I give her one more kiss. I'm so addicted to her lips. "Talk to me about it… I'm listening…" I whisper in her ear, rubbing her hips with the tips of my fingers. She makes it so hard for me to be mad at her. I'm absolutely crazy about this little girl.

She takes a moment to adjust, but when she does, she puts her head on my chest and lets me hold her tight. I feel her jaw tremble against my arms and on the breast pocket of my shirt, her tears soak through. I squeeze her tighter and just let her cry until she's good and ready to talk. I slide my hands up the back of her cami and stroke her soft back. She's not wearing a bra. I move my hands to rub her shoulders. She's really sticky and she doesn't smell like she smelled yesterday. "…Can I just talk to you?" She sniffs, shivers and looks up at me. "Please?"

I just keep holding her against my body. "You talk, I'll listen."

She sniffs again. "I've been feeling really bad about what happened between us. I'm just really sorry about it. I told my friend what happened and she just started making me feel really lousy. And, and… and she knew that I wasn't feeling too good about myself so she took me out to a party last night and I got really drunk and did some really embarrassing things and now she's really mad at me. I just wanted to talk to her about it but she's mad at me now. It's like she doesn't care about anything and I go through some shit. She's always telling me what to do but sometimes I just want her to listen but she doesn't listen to me. I just want someone to listen to me instead of telling me what to do. She makes me tell my dad about a lot of stuff I don't want to tell him about. I just want to tell somebody all the stuff that I deal with. I just feel like nobody understands…" She hiccups uncontrollably in my arms. I rub her back to calm her down. "I just don't feel like I have anybody. M…m…my dad's never really here for me and my mom never was. My dad doesn't come to any of my gym meets and he doesn't ca…care. And my mom always has loved drugs more than she loved me. I don't… I don't remember her ever being c…clean. E…even when she was pregnant with me she was doing drugs. She was in rehab for years and when she got out she was always in the halfway house. S…she has a new boyfriend and he likes me. He kept touching me and stuff and I didn't…" She breathes hard and stops talking about that. "And my boyfriend's hit me ever since I was a junior in high school. I had to tell my dad that I broke my arm on the… the vault one day but he did it. He squeezed it until it snapped and wouldn't let me go to the hospital…. I just wanted him to leave me alone and…" She sniffs one more time and shuts up for good.

Okay, whoa. She just told me about nine hundred things. Does anybody EVER listen to this girl? Has anyone ever just let her talk? This sounds like she's been bottling it all up for years. I feel so… horrible for her. I just rub her back and keep holding her. "…Demi, I'm sorry." I kiss the top of her head, like I'd kiss my own daughters. "You can talk to me…." I use my shirt sleeve to wipe her tears from her face. I lean down and kiss her on her lips again. "I'm so sorry…" She just keeps crying in my chest and I don't mind it. This poor, poor little girl. I don't think she's ever had anyone to just spill her guts to. I was so mean to her…. "Demi, if you… if you EVER need to talk to me… I'm just a phone call away. I'll always listen to you…"

She hiccups again. "…D…Do you ever feel like that? Do you ever feel like your life is just falling apart?" She licks a tear off her lip instead of swatting it away. "I'm so depressed and nobody sees it…"

"Yeah, I do." I kiss her salty cheek and hold her tighter. She might feel different if she could relate to me. I'll give her something to relate to. "Let me tell you a secret…" I put my lips to her temple and kiss her again. "Me and my wife haven't touched each other in months. It's been MONTHS. I do feel like we're falling out of love with each other. I feel like we hold it together for our girls. You know, even the best people feel a little upset sometimes, Demi. You're the best little freshman I've had in a really long time. You're a really good person… it's okay to be sad. I know you just need someone to listen. I talk to my friend Mike when I need someone to listen, but even he doesn't get it sometimes."

She nods. "Sometimes I feel like the only time I'm okay is when I drink… am I an alcoholic because of that? I mean, I don't drink every single day…. But I like feeling drunk…"

"No. I like drinking too, but that doesn't make me an alcoholic. It's not like that, Demi. When you can't function without a drink, then that's alcoholic. You're fine…. I can tell you're fine." I rub her back and kiss her on her lips again.

She kisses me back hungrily, like she's never been kissed so passionately before. "…I'm gonna go. Don't worry about my test. I deserve the 47. I'm gonna go now…" She lets me go and wipes her tears. I keep my arms locked around her waist, though. "Thank you for listening to me…"

"No problem." I keep my arms around her waist and don't let her move. I kiss her on her jawline and pull her close to me again. She turns her head and makes my lips meet hers. We share yet another steamy, hot, passionate kiss. I keep working my tongue along the inside of her mouth until we're full-blown making out. Her hands go to the waistband of my pants and she tries unbuttoning them. I pull away from her. "I don't have a condom…"

"…That's okay." Almost as if she's desperate, she pulls me back into her kiss and undoes my pants. "I take my birth control pills every day at the same time." She takes her hands off my pants. "Unless you don't want to…" She stops kissing me and everything. "I'm clean, though… I promise." Can she read my mind? I was just about to ask her that. "I don't…. I don't have an STD or anything… I'm on birth control. I… I promise. I've never had anything like that. But if you don't want to, that's okay…"

I take a hard, exasperated breath. I can't resist this girl. We just had a deep, heart to heart conversation. And all I want to do is make love to her after that. Fuck it, I'll deal with the guilt later. "…I'm clean too." I roughly kiss her lips again and pull her shirt over her head. Before I can see her boobs, she presses her bare chest against mine and starts working on my pants again. I widen up my hips so she can pull them down. I slide my hands down the back of her shirt and rub her butt through her underwear. She just keeps kissing me, as if we'll never kiss enough.

I push away from her and put one of her nipples in my mouth. She sighs and rubs the back of my head. I squeeze and knead the unoccupied breast and suck on the one in my mouth hard, flickering my tongue along it. She keeps massaging the back of my head. "Mmmm…" I've decided that I'm just going to use my mouth today. I'm not going to fuck her. I'm not going to allow myself to do that. I swear I won't actually go inside of her. I can't do this anymore…. I slide my hand down the front of her underwear and slide them down. Damn, she's already wet. I keep swirling my tongue around her nipple and start teasing her wet clit. Her mouth is beside my ear again. "Ahh…" She sucks in a heavy breath and moans in my ear again. "Uhhh…." She's so wet…

Just as she reaches down to put her hand in my pants, there's a hard, rough knock on my door. "Shit." I mumble. She pulls away quick and grabs her shirt off the floor. She puts it on quickly and I pull my pants back up. I put my single wet finger in my mouth to clean it off and button my pants back. I watch her rush back over to her seat in a panic. I bawl her underwear up in my hand and stuff them in my pocket. I walk as casually as possible over to my door to open it up. It's my wife. No fucking way, it's my wife. Demi keeps her head down on her test and pretends to be working hard. I push on my pocket to flatten the ball of underwear. Bea walks inside, completely alone. Fuck. What am I going to tell her if she saw anything? Just act natural, I tell myself. Demi taps her pencil against her calculator and swings her foot in mock busyness. "…Hey, babe. What's up? You didn't tell me you were going to be stopping by today…" I think my tone sounds causal…

"Yeah." She smiles at me and gives me a kiss. I don't open my mouth for the kiss, because I think it'd be slightly disrespectful to have my wife kiss me after I just put Demi's juices in my mouth. She puts her arms around my back and holds me. I really hope she can't feel the wet spots from where Demi cried on me. "…It's your lunch hour… I didn't realize you had students…" She changes her tone to a whisper. "I'm sorry. I just brought you your lunch, baby. I made the girls tuna sandwiches for lunch and I thought you'd like one." She hands me a brown paper bag.

"That's just Demi." I brush it off. I notice Demi look up but she hurriedly looks back down. "She's finishing up a test for me. I'm not busy… I just wish you would have told me you planned on coming over."

"I'm sorry, baby… I just thought I'd surprise you." Bea rubs the stubble on my face. "…Why are your shoes off?"

Shit. Shit. "…I take them off sometimes when I'm uncomfortable. I was checking stats tests before you came and I kicked them off so I could get comfortable." I lie. That's a good lie.

"Oh." She looks past me at Demi. "Hi Demi, how are you?" She asks. Demi needs to act natural. She canNOT blow my cover.

Demi gives her a really warm smile. That's my girl. "Hello Mrs. Jonas, it's nice to see you again. I'm well, thanks for asking."

"No problem sweetie. Did Joe tell you that I want you to join us for dinner sometime this weekend? Sundays are pasta days at our house if you want to come over on Sunday. I'll have Joe come pick you up."

Demi keeps smiling. "That sounds really nice. I'm free this Sunday, I'd love to come to dinner. Mr. Jonas, will you call me with details?" She asks me.

She's one hell of an actress. "Yeah, yeah. That sounds really cool. I'll let you know the time and everything…"

I think we're in the clear.

This was really, really fucking close.


	14. Little Talks

"I don't think I ever did ask you how dinner with your mother went." My dad slides the ketchup across the table at me and sprinkles salt on his wheat bread. I shake the ketchup bottle and squeeze it onto my saucer plate. "Or lunch, whatever it was." He dips a piece of his bread in his ketchup and slides it in his mouth. For some reason, I don't really feel like I deserve to be taken to dinner. I'd be alright if my dad would have just taken me to McDonald's or Wendy's or something. He decided to treat me to Bigsley's, somewhere we only go on special occasions. For that reason, I'm a little nervous. What if there's a reason he brought me here? Granted, my dad's not the easiest person in the world to talk to, but something inside of me really thinks I should tell him anyway about what my mom's boyfriend did to me last weekend. I'm afraid to tell him, though. I put it out of my mind.

"It went okay." I nod and keep aimlessly shaking the ketchup bottle. "Her boyfriend's really um… nice." I squeeze a little more ketchup on my plate and push the cap on. "She seemed like she was doing alright. We actually talked to each other." By that, I mean she actually called me by my name. The last time I spent some time with my mother, was so high she didn't know my name. "The guy seems like a bit of a… loser, but all her boyfriends are." I dip a little piece of my bread in the ketchup and eat it. "…Daddy?" I say his name unsurely, but sure that I want to tell him what happened at lunch. He looks up at me from his plate. Jeff touched me during our lunch, in case you were wondering. I rehearse how I'm gonna say it. But of course, I chicken out. "…Thanks for bringing me here." I say instead.

"You're welcome honey." His tone is skeptical, like he doesn't know why I'm thanking him. I can't really bring myself to tell him when my mom doesn't even know. Not that she'd care or anything, it'd just be weird to tell him when she doesn't know. I've kind of been blocking it out of my mind, but the more I think about it, the more I remember. He touched my chest, too. Inside my shirt, on the outside of my bra, he touched me. The fact that my mom doesn't know would make it easy for her to deny it and call me a liar. She wouldn't care. I know she wouldn't. Daddy would care. If only I could tell him. "Demetria." He calls my name sharply.

"Huh?" I answer, slightly confused.

"I've been calling your name…" He puts a small box on the table and slides it across to me. "Are you okay?" He looks at me with a confused look on his face. I look down at the box. It's black velvet wrapped in a white silk bow. What's this for? "Is something bothering you?" He hands me a white envelope with my name on it too. It's September. My birthday was last month. What are all the gifts for? I'm confused. "You don't seem like yourself."

I don't feel like myself, to be completely honest. I don't feel like… me. "I'm just tired." I mumble and stop stirring the ice cubes in my iced tea to pick up the card and the little black box. I didn't even hear him calling my name. I'm too wrapped up in my own head to pay attention to anything other than my thoughts. I just want to throw my brain away. "What's all this for?" I tear open the card first and read the outside of it. "_To the most important woman in my life," _it says, with a picture of a bright red rose on the front.

"I heard you won four medals last weekend. Selena told me." He puts his hand on my wrist and strokes it. "How come you didn't tell me? I'm very proud of you. I don't think a freshman's ever won four medals."

I open up the card and a single one-hundred dollar bill falls out. My dad is so sweet. _"My daughter. I love you with all my heart and I hope all your dreams and wishes come true," _the inside of the card says. I feel the tears coming. On the blank side of it is a small paragraph written in my dad's handwriting. I turn it a little so I can read it. I read it aloud. _"Demi, I love you so much and I'm very proud of the woman you are turning out to be. I remember bringing you home from the hospital and thinking that you were going to forever change my life. I know it's tough, but you always have me and I always have you. You are my best friend, my strongest supporter and the reason I am the man that I am today. You are an amazing athlete, an amazing big sister, an amazing daughter and an amazing person. Words cannot explain what you mean to me. Love you always and forever, Daddy." _I sniff and wipe my nose. "Thank you daddy… you don't know how bad I needed to hear that." My bottom lip quivers and I can't help the tears that are falling. "I love you too."

He gets up from his side of the table, walks over and sits beside me. He holds me against his chest; much like Joe did earlier, and rubs my back. My dad is like a big teddy bear. He's so gigantic compared to me. His hugs are the greatest, I swear. "I mean that, honey. You're the best daughter in the world." He plays with my hair like he always has. "I'm so proud of you." My dad's the best. He had to adapt to having two little girls as a single dad and he did great. He used to bathe me, wash my hair for me, dress me for school, all that. He even learned how to weave French braids into my hair. He helped me dress for my high school proms, he taught me how to take care of myself when I started my period, everything. My dad is the greatest. I couldn't ask for anyone better. "I don't ever want you to think for once second that I'm not proud of you, Demi. I'm so proud of you."

I nod. "I know." I sniff again and pick up the little black box. "What's in this?" I pull off the top of the box and inside it is a very sparkly necklace with a softball, a gymnastics silhouette, and the number 12 charms all hanging from it. "It's pretty…. Thank you so much daddy." I feel like such shit. I have to tell him… "….I lied to you." I look at him and let all my tears just fall. "And I'm so sorry…" I use my hands to wipe away my tears. He looks at me confused again. I swallow my pride and my fear and just say it. "Dinner with mom didn't go good…" I'm so tired of crying, to be honest. I've cried so much in these past few days. It's crazy. "Please don't be mad at me. I know we're having a good dinner and it's supposed to be a good day, but I really have to tell you…"

"Why would I be mad at you, Demi? What happened?" He sounds really serious now; really, really serious.

"Nothing, really. Mom just went to the bathroom and she was in there for a while. And while she was gone, her boyfriend like… came over and sat by me. And we were just talking at first but then…. I don't know. He moved in and he got kinda rough with me… like he touched me… down there and on my chest… and I didn't know what to do so I just… let him. I pushed him away but I couldn't get him like… off, off."

"HE TOUCHED YOU?" My dad grabs my arms and looks at me, dead in the face. "_How_ did he touch you, Demi?" He tones his voice down but it's still filled with disgust and irritation; angry, almost. "I need you to tell me how he touched you. What exactly did he do to you?" His face is hard and expressionless but I can read my dad like a book. He's angry, but whether he's angry at himself; I don't know for sure. I'm nervous.

I suck in my bottom lip to talk better. "I don't know…. he…." I look down and fumble with the little silver salad fork. It's always easier for me to talk about something embarrassing and shameful whenever I'm not making direct eye contact. "Shoved his hand down my pants…. And called me 'sexy.' Then he squeezed my chest." I mutter through it, reliving the moments and thinking about what else happened. I decide to leave out the details, though. "I think he was high."

Daddy squeezes his hand and bawls it into a fist, making it so tight that the knuckles pop out and his veins are clearly visible through his skin. He clenches his jaw, grits his teeth and talks to me through his teeth. "I don't care if he was fucking unconscious. I'll kill him." He keeps his pokerface. "Did you tell your mother?"

"…No."

"Okay, that's fine." He hands me a wad of napkins. "Stop crying, honey. You did nothing wrong, stop crying." He rubs his chin hair tiredly and sighs deeply. "I'm gonna call your mother when I get back home. Ask her where I can meet Jeff. I'll take care of him." In one swift movement, he puts his arm around me and kisses my temple. "He won't touch you again. I promise he won't. I'm gonna take good care of him… GOOD care of him."

I nod and just rest my head against his big, squishy chest. I used to be hesitant to admit this, but I truly am a daddy's girl at heart.

* * *

"…Daddy?" I drum my fingers along the doorframe of the car and slightly bob my head along to the music. My hair clings to the back of my neck and I turn my head to face him. He's actually recovered nicely since I dropped the big bomb on him at dinnertime. "Do you still love mom?" I slide my hand into the bag of Funyuns we picked up from the gas station and pop another in my mouth. I guess what I'm really trying to ask my dad is if he still believes in love. I can't exactly ask my dad what to do if you're in a sexual relationship with your college professor, but I guess I can ask him for his take on love. "…You know how they say you always have love for your children's parents, even if you don't have a reason to love them?" I chew the Funyun and swallow it. "Do you believe that or do you think that's all just a big crock of shit?"

"Watch your mouth." He scowls. "…And I guess I believe that." He shrugs and rolls to a stop at the stoplight. "I'll always love your mother, I think. I have a lot of love for her, bug. I see so much of her in you and Madison, it's crazy. It's hard to hate her as much as I probably should when she's given me the two of you… it's a complicated situation, Demi. You wouldn't understand until you're older. Don't be in a hurry to fall in love, alright? Allow yourself to be a kid. You know, your mother and I were young and foolish when we messed around and had you. Don't be that stupid. You're a pretty girl, and the boys probably come around… but be smart about it, you know? You've done good thus far. I know it's weird to have me talking to you about this, when your mother and I were married and living together at your age. But I'm proud that you've been saving yourself, you know?" I bite my lip at that. Well, I'm eighteen. What can he really do?

"…But I'm not a virgin, dad…." I look down at my cell phone and pretend to check a text message in hopes of easing the now heavy tension thick in the air. He couldn't expect me to stay one forever, could he? I'm eighteen now. Granted, I haven't been a virgin since I was sixteen, but still. Kids these days lose theirs at like twelve. I think sixteen was decent.

His expression blanks over and he raises his eyebrows. "Uh…. Well I uh…. I expected that." He shrugs it off like we're okay. I stop holding my breath at his reaction. "…Are you okay?" He asks the question in a monotone that suggests that he doesn't want to actually know the answer. I'm not sure what he's asking me, to be completely honest. I stop scrolling through my Instagram timeline and look over at him. He doesn't look at me, but I think he can tell through the silence that I'm confused. "Down there, I mean." He clears his throat and shifts the position in which he's gripping the steering wheel. Poor dude. I can only imagine how uncomfortable he must be. Up until now, my dad's done well with the whole "girl" thing. At ten years old when I started growing bumps on my chest, he took me out that weekend and got me fitted for training bras. At eleven and a half when I came to him and awkwardly told him that I had something sticky and red in my panties, he was real cool about buying me my first set of pads. He's been pretty okay with it up until now.

"Uh… yeah." I busily stick my nose back in my phone and start scrolling through my Instagram again. I even like one of Priscilla's pictures. "I'm on birth control… and I use condoms." I run my fingers through my knotty hair. "And the guys I've been with are clean too."

"Guys?" He raises his eyebrows and his voice heightens a pitch or two.

"I've only been with three guys, dad. That's not that many."

He puts his hand up and stops me. "EHHHH! Don't need to hear details… no thanks."

"Sorry."

"…Just protect yourself. And make sure they like you for you. I don't want you with a guy that only likes what's between your legs. I mean, you're still my little girl and all. I'll break someone's neck over you, you know that."

"I know that, daddy." I lick my lips and think about how I want to phrase this next question without sounding completely ridiculous. "…What do you think about… changing?" I wipe my clammy hands off on my shirt and open my mouth again. "Like… okay. Hypothetically speaking, what if I liked this boy? And he liked me too… but he doesn't like some of the things I… am. Like… for example, what if he liked my personality but he liked his… _girlfriend's_ personality too? Is it okay to change myself a little? For the better? Hypothetically speaking, of course."

He chuckles at me and shakes his head. "Don't change just for a boy, Demi. The only reason you change is for yourself. If that boy doesn't like everything about you, then it's his loss. I think you're pretty damn amazing, and any boy that can't see that is just missing out. It doesn't make for a good relationship, either. Now if you WANT to change on the other hand… that's perfectly okay too. Don't go out of your character to impress him. I guarantee he's not worth it." He rubs his chin. "Hypothetically speaking."

I crack a smile. "So you're saying it's okay to want to be more like someone, as long as I really want it?"

"…I guess that's what I'm saying."

"Because like… say…. Say this guy is a fan of…redheads. Should I bleach dye my hair red to be more like what he desires?"

"…Don't dye your hair red, Demi. I will kill you."

"I'm not! I'm just saying. I like this guy and he likes me. But he has like… a fetish? For ….redheads. If it's something that he likes, why shouldn't I go for the red hair? It'll impress him, make him happy and it's not really a big deal. Catch my drift?"

"Demi, dye your hair purple if it'll make you happy." He just gives up on the entire situation.

Well, I know what I'm doing once I get back on campus.

I think there's a hair salon down the street, and I have one hundred dollars in my back pocket…

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

"My mom said that she'd move in here for the week if you need her help." Bea rubs Olivia's darkened hair dry from her bath. Liv sits naked in a bundle of towels on our bed. I grab one of her nightgowns from the basket of clean laundry sitting beside my nightstand and hand it to my wife. "She would just make sure the girls eat dinners and lunches and all that. Just for the week…" She yanks Liv's pull-up on and makes sure the straps are secure enough for her to sleep in. "Do you think you'll need the help?"

"I can handle the girls on my own for a week." I pick Olivia up and kiss her on her cheek. She buries her head in my neck and sucks on her thumb. "What is there to need help with? I'll drop them off at your mom's before I go to work, swing past and pick them up when my classes are done for the day, let them play on the Wii or something until I get their dinner done, feed them, bathe them, put them to bed. How hard will that be, Blanda?" I hardly ever call her by her full name, but she called for it. In two weeks, she's going to Reno for this conference she has to attend for her job. She'll be gone for a week, which means the girls are all mine for a week. She acts like I won't be able to handle it. I can handle my girls.

"You've just never been alone with them for that long…" While I'm holding Livy, she puts a pair of fresh white socks on her tiny feet. "I know how overwhelmed you get sometimes, Joe. It's gonna be a week straight, and the girls are a handful." She crosses her arms against her chest and sighs. "Anyway… When you get paid on Wednesday, I need you to kick out $30 for the babysitter."

"Babysitter? For what?"

"Remember this Friday? I'm being honored at that big banquet, and you're coming with me? Peyton's going to be with the girls for about five and a half hours that night, and I want to give her $60 this time around. She complained when I gave her $40 last time, remember? If we want her to sit again, we'd have to give her $60."

"…That's ridiculous. $60 for a babysitter? When all they do is sleep? They're going to be asleep when we leave, and they'll stay asleep. She doesn't have to do anything but make sure Tori didn't piss the bed and Livy's pull-up is dry. That's bull, babe. It's not even worth sixty bucks."

"I know it's not, but my mom goes to bingo on Friday nights and she can't keep them… I already asked Claudia if she and Mike would keep them… she can't, because they're having an anniversary dinner for Mike's parents on Friday… they're the only ones that'd do it for free."

"…Let me see what Demi's doing on Friday night." I secure Liv in my arms and bend down to grab my phone. "She'll do it for free, especially if all they do is sleep. Let me see."

"Joe, NO!" Bea stomps her foot and gets pretty angry with me. Oh fuck, does she know something? I feel myself break out in cold sweat. I look at her with a puzzled yet guilty look. She lightens up a bit. "I'm not letting you con that poor girl into spending her Friday night babysitting our girls for FREE. We HAVE to pay her. She's already gonna teach Tori gymnastics for free, now I'm drawing the line. I know we're inviting her to dinner, but COME ON. We have to pay the poor thing. She's a teenager that might babysit for us on a FRIDAY night. She needs paid."

"Okay, but I know for a FACT that she won't ask for sixty bucks." I dial Demi's number and put the phone to my ear. "Sixty bucks just to watch the girls sleep, that's bullshit." I mumble. I end up getting Demi's voicemail. "_Hey, it's Demi… leave me a message."_ It says. I leave her a message. "Hey Demi, it's Joe… call me back when you get this, alright? I just have a favor to ask you. Talk to you later." I say and hang up the phone just like that. Okay, so I realize that Demi might say no. I don't know exactly how she feels, but I understand that it's a little weird to have her babysit my wife's kids when I've slept with her. Then again, maybe she'll say yes.

"Joe, if she says yes, I'm giving her at least thirty. She's such a little sweetheart. She doesn't have a job, does she?" I shake my head and lie Olivia down on the bed. "No way in hell I'd let her babysit for free. She's sweeter than Peyton. I wouldn't mind giving Demi sixty. She's a sweetie. What are her folks like? They raised her really well…"

I sit down on the edge of the bed and swing my feet. "She was raised by her dad. Her mom is all messed up. She comes from good people, though. I can tell her dad was good to her." Aside from moaning in my ear and bouncing on my dick, Demi seems really well rounded. I can sense that about her. "She's really… you know… ladylike. She carries herself well. You know, "please", "thank you." "Yes ma'am", "no ma'am." She's smart as a whip, too; very wise beyond her years. I forget that she's only eighteen sometimes." And not just because she fucks like she's older, either.

"Aw, her mom is messed up? How, do you know?" Bea sits next to me, suddenly interesting in anything and all things Demi related.

"Drugs, alcohol. I think she said heroin addict, but I don't really remember. Apparently her mom's into some pretty hard stuff, though. Her dad's a good man, though. She speaks highly of him."

"Well it's good that she has somebody. She's such a little cutie pie. She has the cutest little face I've ever seen."

"Yeah…" I sigh. "You still want her to come to dinner tomorrow? Because I still have to text her with the time…" I divert my attention from the actual sex with Demi to something else.

"Yeah, she can still come to dinner. Go pick her up tomorrow around 5:30."

"Okay."

For some reason, it's a little weird that my wife likes Demi as much as she does. And for some other reason…

I find myself wondering just what Demi's doing.


	15. You Did?

I squirt some toothpaste on my bright purple toothbrush and start rubbing it viciously across my teeth. I won't lie; I'm WAY in over my head here. Putting aside the fact that Joe's my professor, I'm about to have dinner with the married man that I've been sleeping with. I'm not entirely too sure of what I should feel like. Should I be nervous? Should I feel bad for his wife? The only thing I AM certain of is that I should probably tell Joe that I'm not sleeping with him anymore. But knowing me, I won't do that. I spit out my mouthful of minty toothpaste and rinse off my toothbrush before gargling a mouthful of water. I spit that out too and dry my mouth off. I grab my makeup bag off the shelf above my toilet and start rummaging through it for my eyeliner and mascara. This dinner can go one of two ways…

On the up side, I absolutely LOVE my new hair. I comb my fingers through the bone-straight pieces of it and fix it so that it's resting on my shoulders. I told the stylist that I wanted to go lighter, and that's exactly what I did. I didn't want it to be too obvious that I'm sort of copying off Joe's wife, so I let her put different colored highlights in it. I'm in love with it, honestly. The base is a dark shade of brown, but the highlights in it are light brown, blonde and a little bit of black. I wonder if Joe will comment on it. I open my mouth like I always do and start rubbing on my eyeliner. I decide not to wear eye shadow today. I brush on some mascara though.

I think that the reason I want to look nice is for Joe. I suddenly care about how I look around him. Plus, I want to make a good impression on his wife. When I'm done with my makeup, I walk back into my bedroom and pick up the plain white undershirt I sat out on my bed specifically for this occasion. I bought one of those bombshell bras from Victoria's Secret a while back, and I finally have a reason to wear it. It makes my boobs look really nice, if I do say so myself. I struggle to pull the undershirt down over my boobs, but I get it. I wriggle a pair of size three ripped skinny jeans up to my waist and button them. I put on my bright yellow and grey plaid button-up flannel shirt and leave all the buttons open. I fix my hair again. It's super straight, because I haven't washed it since I left the shop yesterday. I even got a trim, but it still touches the bends in my arms so it's not that much shorter.

Okay, so at dinner, I just have to remain calm. I think I did a pretty good job on Friday when Joe's wife walked into his room unexpectedly after we made out. All I have to do is do that again. It was easy to act normal. "Just act normal, Demi. Don't say anything to incriminate yourself. Don't do anything stupid. Just act normal." I give myself a little pep-talk, but it's hardly working. I'm still nervous as fuck and sweating like a pig. Oh god, what am I going to do? I'm gonna burst into a million pieces, I'm so nervous. What if I accidentally allude to the fact that I've slept with her husband? What would happen?

Sometimes, I lie in bed at night and think about what would happen if anybody ever found out that Joe and I had sex. It's not illegal to have sex with your professor, believe me, I've looked it up. It's not illegal, it's just unethical. ASU has a policy against professors and students engaging in personal, physical and sexual relationships, though. It's under the section about "Academic Honesty." If it ever came to light, Joe would lose his job and I'd be kicked out of the university. So far, I think only four people total know about it. I know, Joe knows, Selena knows and Joe's best friend knows. I don't think any of them would say anything about it, but then again, I can't be completely sure. I think we should just stop seeing each other in a sexual way, if I'm being completely honest.

I truly don't think that we're violating any of the policies though. It's not like I slept with Joe to boost my grade. I slept with him because I really wanted to. He was really nice to me and I just couldn't fight the overwhelming urge. I didn't do it because I was failing the test and wanted my grade to go up. I didn't do it because I expect him to just pass me now. I did it because I genuinely wanted to do it. There was no pressure on me and no pressure on him. And I still don't think it's going to change anything as far as my grades go. Joe's very professional….in that aspect, at least.

I put on a pair of dark grey flip flops and wait for Joe to call me with the news that he's outside. I didn't want the burden of explaining to him exactly where my dorm is, so I just told him to meet me at the entrance of my housing arrangement. He said he'd be here around 5:30 to pick me up. It's going on 5:15 and I haven't heard anything from him just yet. To make matters worse, he told me that his wife is really looking forward to this dinner. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but that could either be really, really good for me or really, really bad for me. I think Joe would tip me off if something was really up, though. So for that reason, I try not to worry about it that much.

I sigh and just keep waiting. Beside me, my phone starts buzzing. He's calling me. He must be outside. I pick it up on the third ring, so it doesn't seem like I was waiting for his call. I slide my finger across the screen and answer it. "Hello?"

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

"I'm at the entrance. Are you almost ready?" I hold my phone to my ear and put my car in park. Honestly, I'm very excited to see her today. I don't know why, but seeing Demi just puts me in a really good mood. She makes me so happy. Blanda's been cooking all day. She made baked ziti, garlic bread and a salad. I don't exactly know if Demi's allergic or completely fond of the foods, but she can always just eat the dessert. I'm a huge fan of my wife's triple chocolate cake, and I've honestly never met somebody that doesn't like it.

"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute. Let me just finish getting ready." She answers me. Her natural speaking voice is just so pretty. She doesn't sound too busy. She doesn't sound too tired. She sounds like she's happy and in a pleasant mood. If all goes well, this dinner will go off without a hitch. I throw a reminder in the back of my mind to ask her about Friday night. She never did call me back after I left her that voicemail. Maybe she was busy or something. Maybe she didn't hear it. Or maybe she was just ignoring me.

"Alright." I hang up the phone and tap my fingers against the steering wheel impatiently. I hope she isn't underdressing or overdressing. I want her to dress nicely to impress Bea, but at the same time, I don't want her to get too dolled up. I guess shorts and a t-shirt would do well for her, but I hope she wears something a little more dressy than that. I guess I trust her instincts though. Demi always carries herself nicely and very ladylike, so I'm honestly not that worried about what she'll wear.

I sigh and gaze at the entrance. Campus is pretty dead today, but then again, it's a Sunday. Walking out through the entrance gates of the dormitories is a thin girl with wispy brown hair. Not Demi. I look past the girl and wait, looking for a black haired beauty. The girl with brown hair walks closer and closer to my car though. I squint my eyes a little. Thick thighs… slim waist… is that Demi? It can't be Demi. Demi has shiny black hair. The girl keeps walking closer and closer until finally, I can see for sure that it IS Demi. Oh… my god. My jaw drops before I can catch it and prevent it from falling.

She puts her hand on the door handle and opens it up. She climbs inside with a big smile. "Hey!" She waves and keeps smiling at me. My sweet, sweet god; she's beautiful. She chomps on bright green gum and shuts the car door. I just can't stop staring at her. I didn't think that this girl…this WOMAN could get any more attractive than what she already was. She just blew me out the fucking water. She's fucking incredible. "Like my hair?" She asks me.

I just nod fast. I love it. "…It's really pretty." I reach over and touch a strand of it. It's very, very silky. I want her. I want her right here, right now. I grit my teeth at the growing bulge in my pants. Control yourself, Joe. "It looks really good on you. It's a nice change." I lean over and expect her to kiss me. She hesitates but leans across the car and glides her lips across mine. I'm always amazed at how soft her lips are. She's just so perfect. Assuming the role as the aggressor, she pushes her tongue in my mouth and kisses me deeper. I kiss her right back. "I missed you." I bring my hand up and stroke her hair.

She smiles through our kiss and brings her hand up to the back of my head. "I missed you too." She runs her hands all through my hair and pushes my head closer to her mouth. She kisses me again. I reach over and grab her chest. She just lets me do it. I keep kissing her deeper and deeper. Her mouth tastes like peppermint. I use my fingers to stroke the tops of her boobs that are hanging out of her shirt. Finally, she pushes my hands away. "We shouldn't…" She says. I know we shouldn't, but I really can't help myself. Out of respect for Demi, I take my hands off her chest. She looks at me with apologetic eyes. "I would… but we shouldn't…"

"I know we shouldn't." I stroke my fingers across her face. Her skin is so soft and flawless. "…But who's gonna tell?" I whisper and put my lips against her neck. Damn. Whatever perfume she has on smells amazing. I plant a trail of kisses along her collarbone. "We should probably get going though." I slide my hands down to her waist. "Maybe later." Her body is just too perfect for words. I really don't think I have the strength to contain myself. She's perfect. Beyond perfect. She's absolutely flawless. My fingers tremble along her waist, grazing her soft, tanned, golden skin. My thumbs find her hip piercings.

"…Maybe." She nods. "Just not… not right before we go to be with your wife." She wiggles my hands free from her waist and awkwardly licks her lips, sealing in the kiss we just shared. She leans back and relaxes in the seat. I can tell that she's very nervous. I can imagine why she'd be nervous. Hell, I'm nervous for her. She has to calm down, though. If she gets too nervous, my wife will suspect something. She has to calm down to keep our cover.

"Yeah...Maybe later." I put my car in drive and step on the gas a little. "…Are you nervous?"

"A little."

"Don't be."

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

I don't really know what I was expecting Joe's house to look like. I don't know if I was expecting a vast property built in the middle of desert land. I don't know if I was expecting the typical white slider-type ranch house that a usual, beautiful family that stepped out of a Good Housekeeping Magazine would live in. I didn't exactly have a specific vision in my mind. However, I was NOT expecting their property to be so lavish. I was NOT expecting to pull up to some sort of mansion. Hell, I wasn't even expecting there to be a two-car garage. I should have had way higher expectations.

When we pull into his driveway, we pull up in front of an enormous estate. The path leading to the garage doors is paved of brilliant red bricks. The front lawn is incredibly green with butter-yellow lilies blooming around the steps. The house is made from the same bright red bricks with bright white windows and dark green shutters. In the front lawn, a palm tree grows with little, flimsy wire fencing around it. My guess is that they built this house from the ground-up. The bold, sturdy bricks look way out of place amongst the other beach-style houses around it. I stick my head further out the window to get better looks. While Joe parks the car, he's careful not to run over either of the bright pink and purple tricycles lying amuck in the driveway.

"Nice, eh?" He twists the key to turn the car off and takes it out the ignition. "Took two and a half years to be fully finished, cost us an arm and a leg, but it's what we wanted. Wife says it's the 'American Dream' house, but I don't know… I think something's missing from it, still. I can't really figure out what it's missing though." We both step out the car into the hot, muggy Arizona air. I stretch out a bit and keep staring at his house. "Maybe another dog." He jokes.

That's not funny. "Wait, you guys have a dog?" All of a sudden, I feel myself sweat. I hate dogs. I've been bitten more than once by them, and I'm really not too fond of the big ones. I mean, I have three of my own back home but they're little shit dogs. Shih-Tzu's and terriers are what I have at home. They're all tiny. I don't do big dogs. "What kind of dog? Is it big?"

"We have two." He says in a voice that's just attempting to calm me down. "A Chocolate Labrador named Chester and White Labrador named Cheetah. They're good dogs. They don't bite…" He puts his hand on the small of my back and rubs it. "They won't bite you."

"Joe, they have teeth. They bite."

"I'll tell my wife to lock them in the basement while you're here." He pulls me closer by my waist and kisses my jawline. I really wish he'd STOP with the PDA in places that make it so easy for us to get caught. What if his wife was looking out the window or something? I swat his hands off me. "You want me to tell her to lock them in the basement for a couple hours?" He doesn't take my rejection lightly. He grabs my waist again.

"Stop!" I push him hard this time. He looks at me with that stupid, guilty look on his face. "YOU'RE gonna be the reason we get caught." I roll my eyes at him. "You piss me off with that. It's like nothing phases you. NOTHING. I don't think you'll learn until we actually DO get caught." I fold my arms across my chest and just look at him. "I don't know why you act like we're invincible or something. We CAN get caught. You're kissing all over me in front of your house. You WANT to get caught…"

"You're right." He looks at me with saddened eyes. "Let's just go inside. We're not gonna get caught…. We're not." He runs his hand through my hair. "You look very beautiful. Don't be nervous…"

I can't help but smile at that. Joe's so nice. "Thank you." I take one single deep breath and follow him into the enormous house. The inside is just as incredible as the outside. We walk in through the front doors and immediately, I'm thrust into the smell of clean laundry and picture perfect freshness. On the walls in the hallway leading back to the kitchen are pictures upon pictures upon pictures of the girls. I catch one glimpse of their family picture. Joe looks perfect, like he just stepped out of a Calvin Klein ad for a magazine. His wife, godly beautiful with her long, light brown hair and clear brown eyes looks like she just modeled for Maybelline. The girls both look as if they stepped out of Gerber or Baby GAP ads. Such a perfect family. What could have gone wrong? Wrong enough to drive Joe to cheating?

"Babe, we're here!" Joe kicks his deep brown dress shoes off at the door and shrugs his jacket off too. "Do me a favor and put Chester and Cheetah down in the basement! She doesn't like big dogs!" I follow Joe's lead and kick off my shoes too. All of a sudden, I hear the hard, yet soft pitter-patter of feet running through the hallway. I don't even have to look up from the ground to know who those feet belong to.

"Daddy! Daddy!" The older one with darker brown hair runs to Joe and throws herself into his legs. This is the cutest thing I've ever seen. "Hi Daddy!" She looks up at him. "Daddy, I….I puh… I puh the… the shockalate on… on the cay." She struggles and stutters, but eventually she gets it out. She sounds so excited. The littler one with the light-brown, almost blondish hair just stares at me. "Mammy… her…her say… her say I help good."

Joe hoists her up in the air easily and kisses her cheek. "Yeah? I bet the cake's gonna be real yummy, huh?" He kisses Victoria on her cheek again. "Daddy can't wait to have a real big fat slice." He ruffles her hair and puts her down on the floor. He turns to the littler one and picks her up too. "Say hi to Demi, Liv. Say hi Demi." He urges the tiny one. She's adorable.

Olivia waves at me and gives me a mouth-gapped-open kind of smile. "Hieeeee!" Her little voice is SO cute, I'm about to melt. "Hie! Hieeee!" Every time she says "hi" to me, she waves at me.

I smile at her and wave back. "Hi…" When I wave at her and say hi back, she shyly burrows her face in Joe's neck and giggles. "Your girls are so cute..."

"I know. They're adorable." He keeps the little one in his arms and starts to walk up the hallway, back to the lit room that I assume is the kitchen. "Come on Demi." He waves me back to follow him. I keep up with him. The house isn't THAT big, but knowing me, I'd still find some way to get lost if I don't stay close. The kitchen is marvelous, just like the whole house. The countertops are clean and white and so is the stovetop and the fridge and the dishwasher. Everything is white. Everything is clean. "Hey, beautiful." Joe walks over and kisses his wife, who looks again as perfect as humanly possible standing at the sink washing off a head of lettuce and a heart of romaine.

I watch them kiss. He kisses her gently, I can feel the passion radiating off the two of them. Joe says that they hardly touch each other anymore. He says that they're not very romantic. From what I'm seeing, I think he's a bullshitter. They kiss each other so deeply, so intense. I feel the pit of my stomach clench up like a fist. When it returns to normal, it burns. It burns fiery, hot, flaming deep in the pits of my stomach. I can feel it, like hot bile rising up in my throat. This anger… this RAGE is just building up inside me. And I can't fight it. My jaw clenches tight and I lick my lips. I was wrong about myself. I can't do this.

His wife smiles at him, looks at him like he's the only thing in her world that truly matters. He smiles back at her and looks in her eyes the exact same way. What am I doing here? "M…Mr. Jonas? Where's your um… bathroom?" I try so hard to keep my voice calm when all I really want to do is scream out, yell and just cry. I bawl my hands in fists and keep them at my sides. I really should have never come here.

His wife awakens from the hypnotic spell she was under while looking at Joe long enough to give me directions. "Straight down the hallway, sweetheart. Make a right at the end. It's the second door. Don't shut the door all the way, because you won't be able to get out." She says all sweet and innocently.

I nod slowly, turn and try not to storm too hard out of the kitchen. I walk down the hall, like she said. I make a right at the end, like she said. I make my way to the second door and open it. I flick the light switch to shed some light inside the small room. I don't even have to pee. I just had to get out of that room. I stare at my hands. They're bright red from having them bawled up so tightly in fists. I look at myself in the small mirror. My hair still looks decent; straight and silky, falling in long lengths around my chest and arms. I wish I never dyed it. I should have kept it black. He doesn't even care. I can't compete with his wife anyway. Why did I even try?

I calm myself down, take a few deep breaths and leave out of the bathroom. I just needed a moment to myself. I walk back into the kitchen. Mrs. Jonas is still standing at the sink and Joe is nowhere to be found. She catches a glimpse of me and cracks a smile. I'm trying so fucking hard not to hate her right now. I'm struggling. "So Demi, when do you plan on starting the… gymnastics lessons? Tori's been yacking her mouth away about it. She's so excited."

I plaster on a fake smile. "We can start whenever Tori's ready. I'm free every Thursday." I rock back and forth on my feet, standing awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen. "I can start her with the basics after dinner. Like… forward rolls, stretches, backward rolls… if she wants."

"I think Tori would like that." She shuts off the faucet and dries her hands on her dishtowel when she's done. "Furthermore… I don't know if Joe asked you, but we were both wondering if you're doing anything tomorrow night." She takes the bowl of fresh salad and brings it over to the island to finish tossing it up. "If not, Joe and I were wondering if you could possibly watch the girls for a couple hours tomorrow night. You see, we have a dinner to attend tomorrow night. And our usual sitter is demanding much too much money this time around. Joe suggested to me that you'd do it for free, but I'll pay you. I'll give you thirty to watch them."

"Oh uh…" Well shit. Way to let her fucking blindside me, Joe. Maybe that's what his voicemail yesterday was about. Damn. Something told me not to ignore him. Something told me to go ahead and call him back. But I honestly didn't feel like it. "Yeah." I nod. "I'm free tomorrow night. Just… studying, mainly. I can watch them, no problem. And you really don't have to pay me… it's no problem." I lean forward against the island. "So… what time do you need me tomorrow? I'll have to catch the bus into town…"

"Don't worry about that. I'll have Joe pick you up again. The dinner's at 8:00, so we'll be leaving out of here around 7:00 so we aren't late. I'll have Joe come get you around 6:30 tomorrow." She throws some croutons into the salad and mixes it some more. "I'm definitely going to pay you, though. I wouldn't feel comfortable with letting you watch our girls for free." She grabs the giant bowl of salad and walks with it to the dining room. I just follow her. "I don't know if you like Italian food, but I really put my foot into this ziti, Demi. I hope you enjoy it."

"I'm fine with Italian food." I take a seat on the end of the table and fold my hands.

I watch Joe round up the girls and bring them in to eat. You know, I'm feeling a little more at ease now. This dinner thing won't be so bad. As long as I can get past the burning jealousy.

* * *

"I'll come pick you up tomorrow around 6:30, is that alright?" Joe stops at the entrance where he picked me up. Ever since dinner, he's laid off me so heavy. I think he knows that I got a little jealous, but whatever. These are the first words we've spoken to each other in about an hour. After dinner, he stayed inside to wash the dishes and clean up while his wife followed me outside with Tori for her first gymnastics lesson. When I finished teaching Tori, we all had dessert. After dessert, Joe drove me home. It was an awkward ride home, to say the least.

"Fine with me." I mumble and open up the door. I grab my phone off the seat between my legs and head out the door. Before I could get out, Joe reaches across me and shuts the door. "What the hell is your problem?" I look at him, anger filling every word that I spit out. "You've been pissing me off all fucking night."

"Pissing you off how?" He throws his hands up like he's giving up on everything. "Because I kiss my WIFE, Demi? REALLY? Is that what pisses you off?!" He chuckles, sarcastic and full of mockery. I want to slap the shit out of him. "I KNEW this was going to happen. I knew it. I knew. Because you're still a little kid and you're too immature to know what an affair really is. An affair is SEX, Demi. It's just SEX. I'm not… I don't… I'm not IN love with you. You have no right to get jealous over that, and you know it! I'm allowed to kiss her… and you need to just suck it up."

"SUCK IT UP?! What the fuck?" I'm about to just bash my head off this window, my god he's fucking dumb. "…You REALLY think that I love you? You keep bullshitting, telling me that I'm pissed because YOU don't love ME? Fuck you, I don't love you!" I run my hands through my hair. "You're so… UGH! Let me out!" I tug on the door handle to the car, but the door is still locked. He won't take his finger off the lock button. "I SAID LET ME OUT!"

He just looks at me, puzzled and just utterly confused. I look at him too. Something inside me just… bursts. It just snaps, and I have no control over my emotions any longer. The look in his eyes allows me to see that he too, is feeling the exact same way. We both lean in at the exact same time. I close my eyes after he closes his. Both our lips touch, and we just kiss. This time, he sticks his tongue in my mouth first. I accept him with an open mouth and caress his tongue with mine. He puts his hands on my waist and I just knot my hands through his hair. Why can't he be my own age? And not married?

His hands go from my waist to the band of my pants. He doesn't have to try hard to unbutton them. "Joe…" I push his hands away from me and pull back out of the kiss. I'm nervous to ask him, but I guess I need to. I have to be careful with this. I have to be safe. "Do you have… a condom in here?"

"No." He sighs, but that doesn't stop him from resuming what he was doing. His hands go back to my waist and he starts to kiss me again. "I'll just pull out again." No, no, NO. That's not good enough. We have to use protection. My eyes roll to the back of my head from a hard, sensual kiss he plants on my neck. I lift my hips up and he pulls my pants down. I should stop him… He slips my flannel shirt off and puts it on his floor. He doesn't have a condom!

"Wait!" I finally get ahold of myself and stop him again. "Maybe we shouldn't… the pull out thing doesn't always work and…" I just sit in front of him, half naked. My white undershirt rises up around my waist and I'm wearing a thong. "Just… the pull out method doesn't always work…"

"Nothing's gonna happen." He comes onto me again. God knows I really want to. I want to have sex with him so bad. But we aren't protected… I can't be weak. He kisses me on my neck and pulls my undershirt down along with my bra. My boobs fall out and he immediately brushes his thumbs over my nipples. We need a condom… "You are so sexy…" He whispers in my ear before moving his mouth from my neck down to my chest. I keep my legs completely shut though. Nothing down below without a condom, I swear. His hand slides down the front of my panties, but he can't get further. "Lemme in, Demi…."

…Whatever. I'm so fucking weak. But hey. I'm already breaking all the rules and code of ethics, what's one more minor transgression? I force his face to mine and give him a hard kiss on his lips. Lord knows I want this just as much as he does, if not more. I put my hands on either side of the driver's and passenger's seat and climb into the back of the car where we have more room. He has a truck, so of course the backseat is big. "Come on…" I find myself begging him. I need him so bad. I want him… I want him now. "Hurry up." He climbs in the backseat with me. When he comes back, I grab the rim of his shirt and pull it over his head. He leans down and kisses me again. I grab his pants and pull them down too.

I don't take my underwear off. Instead, I just pull the to the side, allowing enough opening for him to go inside. He reaches down and guides himself roughly inside of me, grunting as soon as he can get it all the way in. "Fuck…" He mutters in my ear. "We gotta make this quick." He whispers to me. I nod and open my legs up some more for him. "You want me?" He rests his hands on the seat next to my head and holds himself up in a push-up position. He looks down at me with pure lust in his eyes, the only light in the car coming from the streetlight that he parked under. I just look up at him. How is it that I can feel something so strongly for this man, but he doesn't feel anything for me? "Tell me you want me." He keeps pushing himself deeper and deeper inside my body.

I just shut my eyes. It's too painful for me to look at him. I won't lie to him, though. "I want you…" I reopen my eyes and reach up. I put my hands on his back and pull him down so that he's lying flat against me. "I want you so bad." He draws his lower half back and makes his first actual thrust into me. A whimper slides out of my mouth. "aaahhh…" I drag my nails along his back gently, careful not to leave marks. I bite down on his shoulder though. He starts ramming himself in and out fast. I'm so wet… "Uhhh…. Uh…. Ohhh fuckk…" I bite on his shoulder again to bear with it. "Yes…"

He smirks down at me and kisses my neck. "You're real wet…" He pulls away just a little bit and uses one of his hands to reach down and tease me while he thrusts in and out. "Gonna squirt for me? Hmm?" He slides his thumb fast along my clit and I can't take that anymore. Oh shit…

"AAAAAHHHHH….." I stop biting his shoulder to moan. "Fuck….." Joe's definitely the best man I've ever slept with. I used to think Alex was like… my hero, knight in shining armor in the bed. I used to think that he was the best thing that has ever happened to me. But there are so many things that make Joe better than Alex. I'd be here all night if I named them all. His sweaty body just lies over me as he keeps pleasuring me. "Fuck, I'm gonna…." Before I can even get it all out, it just happens. My legs start shaking and I curl my toes under. "OH, JOE…."

He kisses me on my lips and keeps moving. "I'm not done, baby. I'm not done." He called me "baby." Does that mean something? Mean anything to him? Or was that just a slip up? He slows himself down and just strokes inside and out deep. "Ughhhhhhh…. Damn…." He grunts in my ear, and keeps grunting. "Ughhhh…. MMMM…." I think I'm having another orgasm, because inside of me, I feel all hot and runny.

I just close my eyes and kiss him. He stops and just hovers over me, looking down at me with that same, lustful look. I actually look in his eyes this time. I open my mouth and slip up… I slip up MAJORLY. "….I love you…" After I say it, I feel like throwing up. It slipped…

"…Don't say that, Demi." He doesn't seem angry about it or any of that. But, he reacted just as I knew he would. He rejected me. I knew he didn't feel that way. Truth be told, I didn't even know that I felt it. I love him… I do. I love him. And I want him. I want him in the way that I'll never be able to have him. He leans down and kisses me on my lips. "Don't say things… you don't mean."

But I mean that, Joe. I really mean it. I keep that to myself, though. "I'm sorry." I don't think I meant that in the way he thinks I meant it, though. I love Joe. I really do. But I'm not stupid. And I know that we'll never be together. Matter of fact, I'd never even ask him to leave his wife for me. I don't expect any of that. I mean I love him… as like… my best friend, or something. I love him. I care deeply for him. Finally, he pulls out of me and just stays there on top. Granted, that lasted all of ten, maybe fifteen minutes. But it was just as perfect as last time we had sex. Why'd he pull out though? "…Why'd you pull out? You didn't even get to cum…" I rub his back.

"I came." He nods.

"You did?"

"Yeah."


	16. The Pill

"Sit down, Demi. I want to discuss some things with you." Miss Charity shuts the door to her office behind me once I step in. I sit down in the comfy, blue-cushioned chair across from her desk and cross my legs. I really don't know what she could possibly want from me. I mean, today's practice went pretty okay, I think. She started teaching me how to do a triple twist and I thought I was doing well with it. If I was in trouble, she would have been told me that she was angry with me. Unless I did something that she didn't want to address in front of the rest of the competition team. …Did she find out about Joe? Selena still hasn't spoken to me, even when we were practicing on the bars together. I don't think she'd be that angry with me to tell on me, though. I really hope Selena's not that vindictive. Miss Charity throws down a manila folder stacked to be about two inches thick on her desk and sits down in her chair. "You aren't in any trouble, Demi. We just have to talk about some things that have been on my mind."

"…Okay." I wipe my sweaty palms on the silky legs of my jogging pants and uncross my legs. I use my index finger to pick off some of the already chipping lime green nail polish off my thumbnail. I just stare at the thick folder. I hope she makes this very quick. I have somewhere to be. I have somewhere really important to be, actually. "…I have an appointment soon." I stop staring at the folder and start imagining what could be in it. It has my name written across the top of it in black Sharpie marker. Is it my transcripts? What would Coach Charity be doing with my transcripts? "Is this going to take long?"

Coach smiles at me and crosses her hands on top of the folder. "No, I won't be long. Will you do me a favor and look through this right here?" She takes her hands off the folder and hands it to me. I take it off her, it's very heavy. I put it on my lap and open it up. It's just a bunch of papers, but on top of the papers are logos; logos from schools. The Arizona Wildcats, Berkeley Golden Bears, Colorado Buffaloes, Oregon Ducks, Oregon Beavers, Stanford Cardinals, UCLA Bruins, Southern California Trojans, Utah Utes, Washington Huskies, Washington Cougars. Even schools that aren't in our conference are in here. Big-10 schools are in here. The Illinois Fighting Illini, Indiana Hoosiers, Iowa Hawkeyes, Michigan Wolverines, Michigan Spartans, Minnesota Golden Gophers, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Northwestern Wildcats, Ohio State Buckeyes, Pennsylvania Nittany Lions, Purdue Boilermakers, Wisconsin Badgers… My eyes well up with tears.

"All these schools want me?" I use my free hand and wipe my face off. "These schools aren't even in the Pac-12… these are Big-10 schools." I sniff and wipe my face again. "…What should I do?" I close the folder. I'm so overwhelmed. I can't believe all those schools want me. I can't just pick up and go to a school so far away from home. I really don't even think I'm that good at gymnastics. I'm better at softball. I think. "I mean, obviously I'm going to stay here at ASU, but… what if I get a better opportunity? What should I do?"

"Well that's what I'm here to talk to you about." Coach hands me another little folder. "Demi, I'm just your coach. I'm not here to persuade you to stay here with us, or leave. That's not what I'm here for. I'm here to make sure that if you are competing with us, you're well taken care of. Of course I want you to stay here, but in the end, it's all your decision. Now, for the real reason I want to talk to you." She slides a CD across her desk at me. It has "Demi's Floor Music" written across it. "The competition this weekend is only in Tucson, at the University of Arizona. And from what I've heard, a BUNCH of scouts are going to be there… looking at YOU. SEC and ACC schools are coming, Demi. And I want to try something with you that I've never tried before; something that will REALLY show the judges and the scouts something."

"…Okay, what is it?"

"I want to give you the same music. The same music for floor, beam and bars. I don't want to change your music, like I change everyone else's. But here's the catch. I got the rosters, and you're going to do your floor routine last, okay? So the music I'm using for beam and bars is just going to be the instrumental. But when you do it for the floor, I'm going to have the lyrics in it. Now… I've never given ANYONE floor music with lyrics. You're going to be the first ever." She looks at me like she really trusts me. "The only thing I need from you is to voice it over." She smiles, as if this was her plan all along. What the fuck? I can't sing my floor music! "A little birdy told me that you're pretty decent at singing." …Selena. Why would she do that?! "It says here in the rulebook that it is NOT a penalty or deduction for a gymnast to have lyrics in their floor music AS LONG AS it is either un-copyrighted material or the gymnast his or herself singing. So on this disc is the instrumental AND the lyrical version of the same song. I need you to learn this, re-record it and get back to me BEFORE Friday night. So I can reburn the disc before Saturday. Can you do that?"

"….Uh…" My leg starts to shake, force of habit for when I'm nervous. "…I um….I can't sing. Despite what your Birdy, aka Selena, told you. I'm really not that good at singing. If I don't get it right, can you just… let me do all instrumental? Please?" I grab the CD and put it in the folder with all my offers. "How am I supposed to record it? Like… on my phone? You want me to just… listen to the one with lyrics first… learn it and just re-sing it to the instrumental?" I'm a little nervous, I won't lie. Despite what Selena says, I'm NOT a good singer.

"Yeah, that's what I want you to do." She stands up and walks over to me. She stands behind my chair and puts her hand on my back. "Listen Demi… I know…" She sighs, like it's a hard thing she's about to address. "I know you don't really have the same kind of support system that the other girls on this competition team have. And I'm sorry for that. I can imagine how frustrating it must be to not… not have any idea what to say to scouts… people who whisper things in your ear and tell you stuff. If you ever need help with anything, please don't hesitate to come to me. Will your dad be at the meet this weekend?"

"Um… If I tell him that it's only in Tucson, he might… but I don't really know." I shovel the folders and the CD into my gym bag and zip it up. "I'm really gonna look through these. Tonight, I swear I'll go through these. But I'll probably just end up staying a Sun Devil." I stand up and sling my bag on my shoulder. "I'm sorry to rush off, but I really have somewhere I have to be." I grab my phone and my jacket and walk over to the door. "Thanks, Coach. I'll really try to learn that song for you."

"Demi?" Coach retreats back to her desk and opens up her laptop. She probably has a lot of work to do to prepare for this weekend's competition.

"Yes, Coach?" I linger from the door for a little to see what she wants.

"You're a really special kid. Don't let anything or anyone let you forget that… alright?"

I nod. "Okay."

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

"Hey baby, I was thinking…" Bea walks into the bathroom, stands behind me and wraps her arms around my waist as I look in the mirror after brushing my teeth. She's still dressed in her bright pink scrubs she wore to work this morning. She only worked 6-12 this morning, so she's home for good now. "At work this morning, I was talking to my friend Regan, and she and her husband are expecting their fifth baby next spring." Her hands wander down to my abs and she rubs them. I wipe the excess toothpaste from the corners of my mouth and let her keep talking. "I think Victoria and Olivia are old enough to understand what 'another baby' would mean, don't you?" She keeps rubbing my chest. "I mean, if Regan and her husband can handle five kids all under the age of seven, we can handle just one more baby, right? We could turn the play room into a nursery…"

I crack a smile. "You really think we're equipped to have another baby?" I turn around and give her a kiss on her lips. "We have a lot of… reconnecting to do, don't you think?" I put my hands on her back and rub. I love her so much, but honestly, I don't think we should have another baby just yet. "We've been really distant from each other, don't you think?" I look deep in her pretty, light brown eyes. "We just need to reconnect, babe."

"I agree." She nods. "I wasn't thinking right away, anyway. I agree with you. We do seem a little… not us." She puts her hands on the back of my neck and pulls me into a soft kiss. "Friday night, after the dinner… what do you say to a movie? Just a little alone time for us. I'll check showtimes when I get a free minute. Anything out that you want to see?"

I stroke her arms and kiss her once again. "That one movie's out. That spooky one. I forget what it's called, but we can go see that." I keep staring into her eyes. "I'll throw in an extra ten so she won't mind babysitting for a few extra hours." I can't even bring myself to say _her_ name. I feel like shit. I gotta quit sleeping with her. I REALLY gotta quit. I give Bea another kiss. "So…I know we have to wait until we 'reconnect', but how soon until we can start trying for a Joe Jr.?"

She smiles at that. "…As soon as I can feed the mini-me's lunch and put them down for a nap. How's that sound?" She releases a small sigh and untangles her hands from me. "I'd better go start on lunch. They're a little hungry. Are you hungry?"

"Eh…." I hit the light switch to the bathroom and walk out of it with my wife. "What are you making?"

"Chicken patties, smiley fries, grapes and strawberry yogurt." She answers me. I really like how my wife finds it important to feed our babies every food group for every meal. She's an amazing mother, really she is. "And if you're good, then maybe I'll give you a Cosmic Brownie." She giggles. I laugh too. I guess I'll go entertain the girls so she can cook. They like to play outside in the jungle gym and on the swing set. It's obviously a nice day outside, so I guess I can take them out there to play. Bea likes it when I tire them out before they eat. That way after lunch, they're all worn out, their bellies are full and they're ready for their nap.

"I'm gonna take the ladies outside to play for a while until lunch is finished, alright?" I sit down in front of the door and grab two pairs of sandals. "Victoria Annabella and Olivia Denise, come downstairs if you want to play outside in the yard!" It's probably a scorcher outside. Sometimes I wish we lived somewhere where the weather actually varied. Everyday it's hot outside. I don't think I'll mind the weather so much when the girls get old enough to play by themselves outside. Until then, I hate sitting out in the heat.

Anything for my girls, though.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

I walk through the aisles of the pharmacy in search of one thing and one thing only. I stick my hand in the pocket of my jogging pants and touch the musty twenty dollar bill I have. All I have is a twenty left out of the hundred my dad gave me on Saturday. I'm not even sure where to find them. Would they be next to the condoms? Okay, where would the condoms be? I guess I could ask someone. Maybe they're behind the counter. I really hope this doesn't cost more than twenty bucks. I hold my breath and walk to the front counter. I trace my finger over the red CVS logo and wait for the pharmacist to come back to the desk to help me. I never want to do this again. My nerves are so shot. I can't even think about what I'm going to do if it costs more than twenty bucks. What if I can't get it? I'm so dead. I just missed a couple days of my birth control pills. I doubled up and all that, and now I'm back on track but still. One slip up is all I need.

The dark-haired pharmacist walks over to me, her cute pixie-cut hair bobbing with her cheerful skip-step. She smiles at me really wide and her teeth are nearly perfect. Her dark glasses remind me of my own. "What can I help you with, ma'am?" She chews on a mouthful of red gum and just keeps smiling at me like she's happy to see me or something.

I clear my throat softly and find my voice inside my chest to speak to her. "Um… I didn't see the uh… Morning After Pill in the contraception aisle. Do you guys carry that here?" I palm the money in my hand and pull it out of my pocket.

She nods at me. "Sure we do." She turns away from me and walks back towards a small door. She rummages through a shelf and eventually comes back with a bright orange box. She slides it across the scanner. I breathe in breath of relief. CVS is the only pharmacy around here, if they didn't sell it, I don't know what I would have done. "Can I see some form of ID, hun?" She holds her hand out for me. I put my gym bag down on the floor and kneel down next to it to find my wallet. I push past my dirty leotards, my hair scrunchies, my makeup bag, my tenner shoes, tampons, all that good stuff. I grab my wallet and pull my driver's license out of the little pocket. I stand back up and hand it to her. She glances at it for a brief second and hands it back. I shove it back into my wallet. "It'll be $49.99."

My jaw drops. Fifty bucks for a pill?! "…All I have is a twenty on me. Can you just… hold on a second? I'm gonna… call my friend for some more money. I'll be RIGHT back." I pick my bag back up. She looks at me like she really understands. "I swear I'll be back." I backpedal out the door and grab my phone out of my pocket. How am I going to get thirty more dollars to pay for this shit? I don't want to ask Joe. I don't even want to tell him that I've gone to get that pill. I don't even think he realized that he didn't pull out. I think Joe's my only hope, though. He's the only one that can give me that kind of money. I wouldn't dare ask my dad. He'd want to know what I need thirty bucks for after he just gave me a hundred and knowing me, I wouldn't be able to lie.

I put my back against the wall of the building and try to let the hot air soothe me. I unlock my phone and scroll through my contacts until I come across "Joe." I tap his name and put the phone to my ear while it calls him. Please pick up, Joe. "Pick up…" I mumble through my clenched teeth. He's pissing me off so bad. "You have reached the voice mailbox of—" I just hang up on his voicemail. FUCK. I need this money. I REFUSE to ask my dad for this money. I guess I could just… I sigh and go back to my contacts. I just hate feeling like I owe her stuff. I'm so annoyed. But whatever. It's my last resort. I tap on her contact and hold the phone to my ear.

"Hey baby girl…" She sounds pleasant. Completely in Selena-fashion, she starts rambling before I can even get a word in edgewise. "I know it's been a while since I've called you… and today at the gym… I'm sorry. I just needed a minute way from you, you know? I'm not mad at you. And I hope you're not mad at me…"

"Selena, it's fine. Listen… I need a huge favor." She remains quiet on the other end, signaling that I have the floor to speak. "Okay, so… I need some money… I'll give it back to you ASAP. I just really need the money right now. PLEASE."

"How much?"

"Thirty. Fifty altogether but I already have twenty."

"Okay… do you want me to just bring it to your dorm? I can have David run it down. He didn't leave yet, he's still here."

"No, can he bring it down to CVS? Please?"

"Yeah… are you okay? What's going on, booboo?"

"Nothing, I'll explain later. I just REALLY need the money right now."

"Alright, I'll bring it down. I'll see you in a minute."

"Okay."

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

"I forgot how much fun we have…" My wife kisses my jawline and presses her naked body against mine. I hold her close and just smile down at her. "I really hope we didn't wake the girls." She traces her finger along the cross tattoo on my bicep and kisses my lips roughly. Her hair is sweaty and matted, sticking to the back of her neck. I'm just as sweaty as she is. "You think we woke them up?"

I smirk and rest the palms of my hands against her lower back. "I dunno… you were being pretty loud." I comb my fingers through her hair and pull covers up so that her lower half is covered. "We can always just tell them…" I intertwine my fingers with hers and kiss her hand, just below her wedding ring. "…That mommy saw a big spider and was scared of the spider… daddy had to kill it." I just look into her eyes. All the reasons I fell in love with her in the first place just start rushing back. I love my wife dearly. "I think they'd believe that."

She smiles and squeezes my hand tighter. "Yeah… they'd believe that." She untangles our legs and sits up. The covers fall down around her waist and expose her bare chest. "I'm gonna go take a shower. Check on the girls for me… okay?" She stands up and walks over to our bathroom door. "What do you want for dinner?" She pulls her robe off the back of the door and puts it on. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help but compare her body to Demi's. My wife's breasts are WAY bigger than Demi's. Demi's are prettier, though. Demi's ass is bigger, there's no doubt about that. Her thighs are thicker too. Demi has a perfect, muscular athlete's body. My wife is thin, yet model-made. I still can't decide whose is really better, not yet at least. At this rate, I'm leaning towards my wife's. Sure, Demi's is younger, tighter and it gets SUPER wet. But my wife's just… feels better. I'm not sleeping with Demi anymore, though. She's too little for me.

"…Spaghetti, please." I get out of the bed too and pull on my boxers. I really can't get Demi out of my head. I'm ashamed, but I WAS thinking about her the entire time Bea was riding me. They're two totally different girls. See, Demi's into the rough stuff. I could get away with pulling her hair, slapping her ass and giving her hard, deep penetration. My wife's more into the slow, intimate, passionate stuff. Once Bea climaxes, she's done and I have to be done too. I mean, that's usually not a big deal though. When she cums, I cum. But with Demi… she can go for hours. My wife doesn't like to do oral, Demi loves it. She's not a big fan of it, though she doesn't mind it so much when I'M the one doing it. She never goes down on me. Demi does. They're totally different.

I sigh and grab my phone off the dresser next to me. I have one missed call… speaking of the Devil. I wonder what she wanted. I know I just finished having sex with my wife, but I could really use a little taste of my D-drug. I should start calling her that, because that's honestly what she is. She's a drug to me. Something I KNOW that is bad for me. I KNOW she's all wrong, all bad for me. But I still choose to affiliate with her. I find myself thinking about her, addicted to all the things she does. Hopelessly addicted to her, in the sense that I need her. I need her. I text her.

Me: hey u called? what do u need?

I don't even wait for her to text back like I really want to. Instead, I slide my feet into my slippers and leave out the room to check on my girls like my wife asked me to.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

"So you… let him… bust his nut? Inside of you?" Selena sits on my ass and massages my back like we used to back in high school. She leans forward and digs her elbows into my shoulder blades. Mmmm… there's NOTHING like a full body massage after a hard day's work at the gym. I'm not looking forward to massaging her after she's done with me. "Dems, you should really try to stop. Sleeping with Jonas, I mean. You're only gonna get hurt in the end. I mean… he IS your teacher." I bury my face in my pillow and slobber. Ughhhh this feels so good. My shoulders are so sore.

"I know I should stop." I mumble into the pillow. "Either that or I should at least use protection. I'm not gonna keep buying the Morning After Pills. I don't have fifty bucks to fork over every time we lie down and have sex." I sigh. I take my face out of my pillow so she can actually hear this next part. "It wouldn't even suck so bad if like… I knew I wasn't just a piece of ass to him. It's like… we can't even lie down in a proper bed because we'd get caught. It has to be on a desk or in the backseat of his car, there's nowhere else to do it." I reach back and position her hands towards the middle of my back. "It just sucks because NO other guy on campus….is interesting to me. I'm not interested in anyone."

"Yeah." She just rubs some more. "…So what did coach want to talk to you about?"

"You already know, you son of a bitch. I can't believe you told her I could sing, you little twat."

She just laughs at me. "She told the whole team her plan before you even showed up! She was gonna make you sing it, regardless if you were good or not. I just threw it in there." She stops rubbing my back and yanks my hair out of my ponytail. "I'm loving your hair, babe. It's so much lighter. I always told you that black shit was gonna get old. You look so much older with this hair…" She combs through it with my brush and I feel like I could just pee. It feels so good. "Coach give you the song?"

"Yeah. I haven't listened to it yet." I lift my head up a little. "Matter of fact, grab my bag. I'm gonna play it right now. I wanna know what it sounds like. Mr. Dean already started teaching me my floor routine. I want to see what it's gonna look like to the music." I sit up and grab my laptop from under my bed. She walks over to my closet and picks up my gym bag like I asked her to. "What's your music like this week? Anything cool?"

"No, not really." She throws my bag on my bed and I unzip it. "I don't have bar music. I think you're the only one with bar music, actually. I don't have vault music, of course. Nobody does vault music. Uh… my beam music is the… the I Dream of Genie theme song? The instrumental to that. Miss Charity hasn't let me do my floor routine to the music yet, but I've heard a little snippet of it and it sounded like it was the instrumental to that one song… it's like…" I grab the CD from my bag and pop it in the CD player on the side of my laptop. I listen to her. "It's going down… something… Timber… you better move… you better dance.' That song."

"NO FAIR! I wanna dance to Timber." I click on the media player and click the CD. I turn the volume all the way up. "My music better not suck. I'll be so mad…" I double click on the first track and the music starts immediately. It sounds really slow, like a guitar's playing in the background. It's horrible. "…Is coach fucking serious? This music is ass." I just keep listening to the instrumental. The music picks up pace and goes faster, but it still sucks. "…My leotard better be blue. I feel blue listening to this shit. Like a dark depressing blue. Fucking blue."

Selena laughs so hard she has to hold her stomach. "I'm blue, da-ba-di-da-ba-die."

"YES! This is what this bullshit song sounds like!" I sing with her. "I'm blue if I was green I would die!" I laugh a little bit, but not too hard. Sometimes I laugh so hard that I puke, and if I puke up the two tiny white pills I took I'll have to spend another fifty bucks for another dose and lord knows I don't have that kind of money again. "…Let's listen to the one with lyrics. I'm pissed she's making me sing. I'm not even a good singer."

"You are too." She wipes a couple tears away from laughing. "I wouldn't have said you were a good singer if you weren't."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I click on the second track and the same, terrible background music starts playing. But almost immediately the girl starts singing. Selena and I are so quiet a pin could drop. I have to start learning these stupid ass lyrics.

"_I'm losing myself trying to compete with everyone else, instead of just being me._

_Don't know where to turn. I've been stuck in this routine. I need to change my ways instead of always being weak._

_I don't wanna be afraid. I wanna wake up feeling beautiful, today. And know that I'm okay. 'Cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways… you see, I just wanna believe in me._

_La la la la. La la la la."_

"It's not that bad." Selena mouths to me. I nod. She's right. It isn't that bad. It sounds better with lyrics. Okay, maybe not a dark, deep blue. Maybe like a bright, sparkly, tiffany blue. I still get the feeling of blue when I listen to it, though.

"_The mirror can lie; doesn't show you what's inside. It can tell you you're full of lies._

_It's amazing what you can hide just by putting on a smile._

_I don't wanna be afraid. I wanna wake up feeling beautiful, today. And know that I'm okay. 'Cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways… you see, I just wanna believe in me._

_I'm quickly finding out… I'm not about to break down. Not today._

_I guess I always knew that I had all the strength to make it through._

_Not gonna be afraid. I'm gonna wake up feeling beautiful, today. And know that I'm okay. 'Cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways, you see… now. Now I believe in me…_

_Now I believe in me."_

Hmm. I actually kind of like that. "You're right… it's not that bad." I nod some more. "I like it, actually. I like it a lot."

"I like it too."


	17. Your Best Shot

"I'm losing myself… trying to co…compete…" I let out a frustrated sigh and push the red stop button on my laptop screen. I'm never going to get this bullshit right. It's fucking Wednesday and I have to get this to coach before Friday. I don't even want to sing this shit. I start the instrumental over again and start the voice recorder again. I'm going to try this one more time. "I'm losing myself… trying to compete. With everyone else, instead of just being me." I've never gotten past this next part and I've been trying for two days now. "Don't know where to turn… I've been, stuck in this routine. I need to… chaaaange my ways… instead of always being weak." I'm so determined to get this right. It's all I've been worrying about for the last few days. I just want to get it out of the way. "I don't wanna be afraid… I wanna wake up feeling beautiful today… and know that everyone's perf—" I stop the recording. "FUCK!" I shout, just because it makes me feel better.

I give up for the day. I'm never gonna get it right, and I'm still not even sure if it's a good idea for me to have lyrics in my floor music. I don't even care anymore. I'm gonna go eat some lunch. I crawl out of my bed and walk out to my kitchen. I've been avoiding algebra class lately. I honestly just can't stand to view Joe as an authority figure knowing damn well that I've had sex with him. I just feel like it's gonna be so awkward to sit in class with him. I'll actually go tomorrow before I get so far behind that I'm put on academic probation. I got that letter yesterday. If my algebra grade drops any lower than what it already is, I'll be put on academic probation which means I can't compete in any sports. My English grade is fine, my medical terminology grade is fine and my computer apps grade is perfect. My algebra grade is the only one that's slipping.

I stand in front of my fridge, staring into it to see what I can find to eat. I wish I actually had a meal plan so that I could go eat for free in some of the restaurants they have here on campus. My dad refused to get me a meal plan though, because they were way too much extra money on my tuition. So I have to live off frozen pizzas, pot pies, bags of chicken nuggets and whatever I can actually cook on the stove. It's actually been a while since I've made myself an actual dinner, so maybe I'll cook something for dinner tonight. I could fry some chicken tonight or something like that. I reach inside my freezer and take out a bag of wing dings. I put the bag in the sink to defrost. Pizza Rolls will do for lunch.

I grab the bag of Pizza Rolls from my freezer and bite it open with my teeth. I scatter about fifteen on a glass plate and pop it in the microwave on five minutes. I like my Pizza Rolls crispy, but I don't feel like putting them in the oven. On the counter next to my toaster, my cell phone starts vibrating violently. I walk over to it and check the caller ID. It's from some number that I don't have in my contacts. It has a (655) area code, so I know it's from Phoenix. I take a chance and answer it. I brace it against my ear with my shoulder. "Hello?"

"Hi Demi…" My eyebrows crinkle at the voice on the other end. Oh dear God, why is she calling me? I don't want to talk to her. I'm just not in the mood right now. I have to be in a certain mood to deal with her, and I'm most definitely not in the right one at the moment. "Are you home? In your dormitory, I mean?" With how clear her voice is, I think she's actually sober for once. It wouldn't surprise me if she just learned how to mask it in her voice, though.

"Yeah, I'm home. Why?" I take my plate from the microwave and put it on my kitchen table.

"Okay, I'm on my way up. Will you let me in?"

I roll my eyes hard. WHY? I don't fucking want to be visited today, ESPECIALLY NOT BY HER. "Yeah mom, I guess. Why are you here?" I don't even try to hide the attitude in my voice. I furiously sprinkle salt and pepper down on my Pizza Rolls and slam the glass shakers down so hard that the pepper one cracks up the side but doesn't shatter. "I don't even want to talk to you right now, I'm not in the mood. I have to study." My dad has always yelled at me about the way I talk to her. I personally don't think he should care how I talk to her. I don't talk to him with a smart mouth, so I don't know why he's concerned. I can really be a bitch sometimes.

"I want to talk to you." That's all she says before she hangs up the phone. I toss mine down on the sofa and stomp over to my door to make sure it's open for her. This is the exact reason why I didn't even want her to come help me move in here on move-in day. I didn't want her to know where my dorm was. But of course, my dad wanted to "include her in on something big in my life because she's already missed out on so much." It's honestly her fault that she missed out on my entire life, not mine. It still pisses me off a little how my dad made me tell her that she could come on move-in day. Just as I sit back down at my kitchen table to eat my food, my door is rapped by a couple soft knocks.

"Come in." I mumble, shoving a Pizza Roll into my mouth. It's so hot that I burn the back of my throat and my tongue, but I'd rather be burnt than have to speak to her. I shove another in my mouth right after I swallow the previous one. My door opens quietly and she walks in. She has on a dark green halter top, exposing both her arms. On each of her arms, she has quarter-length sleeve tattoos. Tattooed above her left breast, where her heart is, is my name. Her long, brilliant red hair is tied up messily into a bun. Purplish bags reside under her eyes. My eyes flicker back down to her arms and the tiny circular scars that decorate them from years and years of shooting up. My mom is really young. She had me at fifteen, and looking at her standing here in front of me, I can really tell.

"Hi sweetie." She walks over to me and puts her hand on my shoulder. I swear it burns. I give her a "get off me" look and she does just that. "I just came to visit for an hour or so…" She takes it upon herself to sit down across from me. She crosses her hands and a smile spreads across her lips. I just stare at her tattoos. My baby footprints lie on her shoulder, underneath are my baby handprints. She has a butterfly with both me and Madison's birthdays on the wings. Underneath the butterfly, she has a portrait of me when I was two years old. Below my face, it says "Demetria Devonne." On her other arm, she just has Maddie's name and her hand and footprints. Below the hand and footprints, it says "Madison Lee." Part of me wonders how she could possibly manage to stick a needle in her arm when she has to look me in my face to do it. "How are you, baby girl?"

"I'm fine. What do you want?" I dust off the last three of my Pizza Rolls and get up to put the plate in my sink. I go back to my fridge and pull out two cans of Mountain Dew. I sit back down and slide one across the table at her. I try to convince myself, inside my head, to remain civil with her. She IS my mother…no matter how much I wish she wasn't.

"Your uh…" I see a tear fall from her eye and down onto the table. She hurriedly wipes it away as if it never existed. "Your daddy told me what happened between you and Jeff." I feel my eyes grow in size, but I try to compose myself. He told her… how could he? All she's going to do is fucking deny it. "…Baby, why didn't you tell me?" More of her tears fall. Is she seriously crying? "Demi, I'd never let him touch you. Why didn't you let me know?" She sniffs and just stares at me. I just leave a blank look on my face. She sniffs again. "Anyway. I um… I went down to the magistrate and I filed charges against him. But they need your word." I feel my guard coming down. She cares? "I want things to change between us, Demi. I moved out of Flagstaff with Jeff and I'm back in Phoenix now. It's a small apartment, but I do have a room for you and a room for Madison. I'm looking for a job, but you know… it's hard right now." She just keeps crying. I wish she'd stop. I'm gonna cry. "Your dad said something about you having a gymnastics game this weekend? In Tucson?"

"Yeah." My heart is aching. You don't have any idea how hard it is to… to hear this. I wipe my own tears away. I want to hate her so much. I want to hate her, to be mad at her for the things she's done to me over the years. I needed a mom growing up. Sure, I had my dad, but I needed a mom. You have no idea how it feels to know that… that the one person in this world that is supposed to love you unconditionally… didn't. I don't know how to feel. Is she serious? Does she really want things to change? She's lied to me so many times over the years… is she serious this time? How do I tell?

"I was thinking that maybe I could come to watch you. And afterwards, you could stay with me this weekend. I don't have much money to do anything with you, but I do have cable and I got my food stamps yesterday. I could cook some dinner and we could watch movies. And we could play Pac-Man on the joystick. Remember that?" I can see it in her eyes that she's practically begging me to do this. "I already have permission from your dad. He'll come pick you up Sunday night and he'll bring you back here. Please, Demi. I want things to change. I love you."

I shake my head. "Mom, no." Looking at her tears falling, I can't even stop my own. "I can't." I lick my lips. "Mom… Mommy…" My jaw starts trembling. I love her. Why do I love her? "Y…you lie to me, mom. I was never old enough to understand back then, but I understand now. You lie. I've heard this all before. I was a little girl. You promised to take me skating. You promised we'd go to the mall. You promised… you promised you'd come to graduation. You didn't…" I look down at the table because it hurts too much to look at her. "I can't open myself up to get hurt again…"

"Demi, I KNOW. Baby, I KNOW. I know I've hurt you. I can't take it back though. Demi, look at me! Look at me! I love you. I love you more than I love myself. You're my girl. You're my… my mini me. You look just like me. You're just… you're just prettier; more beautiful than I could ever hope to be. I love you so much. You're my baby girl." She just doesn't stop crying. My heart hurts… I think I'm dying, my heart hurts. "I can't take anything back. I hate myself for hurting you, and that's the truth. I know I can't make up eighteen years, but I want to… I want to try. Demi, I do it all for you. I've been clean for nearly a month, because of you. I don't even think about Madison, I think about YOU. Every time I… Every time I want to pick up a needle… a drink… I think of you. Even when Jeff was using and drinking around me, I didn't. I didn't do it, Demi. Because of you. I want my little girl back…"

"….Y…You promise?" No, Demi. No. She does this. She ALWAYS lies to you, what are you doing?! My heart aches. "You promise w… we'll be together this weekend? J… just me and you? You won't… won't forget?"

"Sweetie, I promise you. I have it already planned out, actually." She wipes her tears and perks up at my consideration. "I'm gonna come to your gymnastics thing. And I'm gonna take you home with me. And we're gonna stay up all night and just… talk and have fun; do REAL mother-daughter things. And we're gonna go to church Sunday morning and I'll come home and cook you breakfast and then your daddy will come get you. Okay? How about that?"

I nod and she gets up from her chair and comes over to my side of the table. She puts her arms around me tight. "I love you, my pretty girl." She sniffs. "God truly blessed me when it came to you. I couldn't have asked for a better baby, you know that right? Even when I was too young to understand how to take care of you, I knew you precious. I knew you were my precious angel. …I know it sounds bad, but sometimes… I'd leave you… I'd leave you on the couch while I went out to a party with my friends. I'd turn on the Little Mermaid and leave you on that couch while your daddy was at work and I would go out. And when I came home, you'd still be there waiting for me on that couch. You're my angel, Demi. My first baby girl." She whispers in my ear.

"…I love you, mom." I just feel like she needed to hear that, more than I needed to say it.

"I love you too. I love you so, SO much." She doesn't let me go. She just keeps her arms around me and starts rocking and swaying with me in her arms. She's missed ALL these years in my life, yet… she still has it. She has that touch. The touch that my dad could NEVER ever master. It feels so good to be comforted by my mommy. She rubs my back. I nestle my face in her stomach and inhale. She smells like clean laundry, for the first time ever. Every time I've hugged her, she smelled of booze and something horrible. She smells fresh this time.

I remember when I was littler and I couldn't realize that what she was doing to me was evil. When she would hold me like this, I'd embrace her and just love the fact that I was in my mommy's arms. I feel like that same little girl. So much so, that I pull my face out of her stomach and look up at her. She looks back down at me, pure sorrow in her eyes. Something inside of me is telling me that she REALLY means it this time. Like the little five year old I used to be when I was in her arms, I pucker my lips and kiss her harmlessly and quickly on her lips. I used to think it was so gross to kiss my parents on the mouth, even when I was little. But my mom would make me kiss her on the mouth or she would steal kisses from me. I guess it's not that gross. She's my mom. I'd kiss my baby on the lips.

"You haven't kissed me like that since you were a baby."

"I know."

"You're still my little baby though." She caresses my back. "Always will be. Even when you're… eighty years old in a walker with oatmeal hanging off your chin, you'll still be my little baby."

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

"Okay, no homework tonight guys. Enjoy your homework free night. I have to put in a couple grades for the midterm, so you're welcome to talk quietly, listen to music, do whatever. Just behave." I erase my writing off my whiteboard and finish out the lesson for today. "If you guys check your Devil Mail after about…. six o'clock tonight, your grades should all be updated. Make sure you bring your algebra books tomorrow. I'm gonna get into a little bit of calculus tomorrow, but I promise it won't be too heavy. If you fail to bring your book tomorrow, I'll have to ask you to leave. No sharing books." I put the dry erase board eraser on the ledge of the board and plop down into my chair to update these grades.

I open up my online gradebook and plug a couple numbers in that I'm missing. I check on Demi's grade, because that's honestly the only grade I care about. She's failing. She has a meet this weekend that she won't be able to compete in if she's failing my class. I trace my finger along to see what's making her grade so low. She's missing four assignments and that 47% doesn't help her at all. I could get away with bumping her up to a really low D, so she can compete. But she has to make up some of this missing work. She's gonna fail for the entire nine weeks. What's her problem?

"Miss Gomez, can I see you up here real quick?" I look up at the class and call her to my desk. She pushes her chair out from underneath her desk and walks with long, graceful strides up to my desk. She looks a little bit tense. I didn't mean to alarm her or anything. I just have to ask her a question; she isn't in trouble. I sort through a few piles of papers at my desk and clip some of them together with binder clips. She stands a decent distance away from my desk and rocks back and forth on her feet nervously. "Will you see Demi today?" I ask her. Demi hasn't been in class in quite some time. I have to find a way to get her this makeup work otherwise I'd be forced to fail her. I could take her the work myself but I'd rather Selena take it to her. I'm trying to distance myself from Demi. "I just need to get her this makeup work so she doesn't fall too far behind. Is she sick?" I really don't know what her problem is. I haven't spoken to her since Monday night. She could be sick…

"Um… I really didn't plan on going to her dorm today, but I could…" She holds her hand out for the pile of papers. "No, she isn't sick. She's just… I don't really know." The look on Selena's face tells me that she knows something that she thinks I shouldn't know that she knows. She's Demi's best friend. Why wouldn't I have expected Demi to tell her? Well since she knows about us, I can take some of the pressure off her. "Maybe you should e-mail her or something…" She definitely knows.

"…I'll take her the work myself, Selena. You don't need to go out of your way to take it to her." I keep the papers for myself. "But uh…" I wrap the papers up inside an orange folder. "I guess I was just wondering if she's okay. I haven't talked to her in a while. She mention anything to you about not feeling well?"

Selena shakes her head slowly. "She uh…" She hesitates just a little. "I didn't plan on going to see her today, and no, she isn't sick. But…" She looks around as if she's making sure that nobody's listening to our conversation. To further secure us, she leans over my desk so she's specifically only in my earshot. "…She's been really upset lately. Just… maybe you should ask her. Ask her about the "Pill" thing. She'll know what you're talking about." She turns and walks back to her seat. What pill thing? How come I don't already know about this? I'm sort of afraid to ask her about it. What if there's a reason she didn't already tell me?

I feel my palms start to sweat. Did we make a mistake? Did I make a mistake? I've never felt this nervous in my life. I glance at the watch on my wrist. I guess I'll have to make a trip to Demi's dorm before I go home.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

"_I'm gonna pick up the pieces and build a Lego house… if things go wrong we can knock it down."_ I tear open the bag of chicken wings in my sink and turn the radio above my stove up a little bit. _"My three words have two meanings. There's one thing on my mind… it's all foooor yoooou." _I turn the sink on and rinse the chicken off under the hot water to clean it off. I already have the oil in the pan on my stove heating up to fry it. _"And it's dark in a cold December, but I've got you to keep me waaarm. If you're broken I will mend ya and I'll keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging ooooon." _I take the ten to fifteen pieces of chicken I rinsed off and coat them in a little bit of flour. I always find that I HATE cooking, but it's not so bad if I have music to listen to while I do it.

I toss the pieces of chicken into the hot grease and go over to my cabinet to see what else I could make to go with it. _"I'm out of touch. I'm out of love. I'll pick you up when you're getting down. And out of all these things I've done, I think I love you better now. I'm out of sight. I'm out of mind. I'll do it all for you in time. And out of all these things I've done, I think I love you better now." _Chicken and macaroni and cheese sounds good. I grab the box of macaroni from the top shelf and keep looking. I need a vegetable. _"I'm gonna paint you by numbers and color you in. If things go right we can frame it, and put you on a waaaall. And it's so hard to saaay it, but I've been here befooooore. Now I'll surrender up my heart…. and swap it for yooours." _I grab a can of green beans and put it on the counter.

"_Don't hoooold me doooown…. I think my braces are breakin'. And it's moooore than I can taaaake." _I bend down to the cabinets under my sink and grab two small pots to cook the macaroni and green beans in. I'm not a horrible cook, I just hate cooking. Maybe I'll invite Selena up for dinner. I can't eat all this food by myself. _"And it's dark in a cold December, but I called you to keep me waaarm. If you're broke, I will mend ya and I'll keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging ooooonnnn now." _I crack the can of green beans open and dump them in the smaller pot of the two. I tear open the box of macaroni and put the noodles in the pot too. _"I'm out of touch. I'm out of love. I'll pick you up when you're getting down. And out of all these things I've done. I think I love you better now. I'm out of sight. I'm out of mind. I'll do it all for you in time. And out of all these things I've done, I think I love you better now."_

Just as I finish putting water in the macaroni pot for the noodles to boil, for the second time today, there's another knock on my door. I stick the pot on the stove and rush over to the door, mumbling the last lyrics of the song. _"I'm out of touch. I'm out of love. I'll pick you up when you're gettin' down. And out of all these things I've done… I will love you better now."_ I put my hand on the knob of my door. It's probably Selena. She's had just enough time to walk up here after gym practice. She'll probably want to stay the night again, and that's fine with me. I enjoy her company. I twist the knob and open it. Nope, not Selena.

He's still in his work clothes. Light brown corduroy pants, sleek black shoes, a plain white button-up shirt and a black tie. And I'm in my pajamas. Skimpy light pink booty shorts and a dirty, flour-spotted lime green t-shirt. My hair is messy and in a bun. I look like shit. "You gonna let me in?" He asks. I nod, step aside and let him in my dorm. I shut the door behind him. I haven't talked to him in days. I don't even recall ever telling him where I lived… how did he know this is my dorm? "Where have you been? Skipping my class? Demi, you're failing." He puts a stack of papers in an orange folder on my counter. "You have so much makeup work."

"I um…" I shrug and walk back over to my stove to turn the chicken. "Haven't been feeling up to coming. That's all. Don't take it personally." I use the same fork to stir the macaroni and cheese noodles and the green beans. "If I just give you the makeup work, I'll be fine, right?" I turn the fire on the green beans to low. "How did… how did you know this was my dorm? I never told you…"

"Lucky guess." He says sarcastically. "Listen, Demi. You have a failing grade in my class. If you fail, you can't compete this weekend. You know that, right?" I nod. I really don't care about anything he's saying to me. Next time he has sex with a teacher, I want him to let me know how good he feels about having to look that teacher in the eye during class. "...I bumped your grade up to a low D, but I still need you to get this work in to me by Friday."

"Don't do me any favors, Joe. I told you that I didn't sleep with you for the grade and that's what I meant. If it were anybody else in your class, you wouldn't have bumped their grade. Don't do it for me." I turn the chicken again so it doesn't burn. It's almost done. "Is that the only reason you came here for?"

"…You have a smart ass mouth, Demi." He stands beside the stove to look at me. "No. I didn't come here just to give you your work." He crosses his arms against his chest and looks at me with dark eyes, almost angry eyes. "…So what's the deal with the pill? When were you gonna tell me that?"

"…What pill?" I start stirring the macaroni again.

"You know what I'm talking about, Demi." He snatches the fork out of my hand so I can stop focusing on the food and focus on him. "Are you pregnant?!"

Is he fucking serious right now? "…What?"

Suddenly, his entire demeanor changes. He grabs me by my shoulders and shakes me violently, like a bad mother would shake her baby to get it to stop crying. "Are you pregnant?! You heard me, Demi! You better not be pregnant…"

"LET GO OF ME!" I push him hard, so hard he stumbles back into my kitchen table. "No! I'm not pregnant! What the fuck…." I could really slap the shit out of him. "If you're so worried about getting me pregnant, maybe you should keep condoms on you. Or better yet, STOP HAVING SEX WITH PEOPLE THAT AREN'T YOUR WIFE. Just because she's not giving you any…" He makes one movement, and one movement is really all it takes. He reaches out with his right hand and slaps me, dead across my face. Did he really just… I can taste a little bit of blood in my mouth.

"…Demi, I'm SO sorry!"

I scrape my index finger across my lower lip and look at it, only to see blood. He can go to hell. He hit me! "…Get out." I point to the door.

"No, Demi… let me see…" He walks over to me and puts his hand on my stinging cheek.

"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING DORM."

"No!" He turns the fire off on my stove for me and grabs my arm again. "Let me see…" He sounds like he's going to cry. "I'm sorry." He uses the sleeve of his shirt to wipe my lip. I'm so sick of being hit by boys. Why is that everyone's first reaction? Is it me? Why is that just second nature for them to just slap me? Hit me? Punch me? Beat me up? Selena pisses David off, but he doesn't hit her. What do I do so wrong? I guess I shouldn't have been yelling at him like that. "It doesn't look too bad…" He keeps wiping off my lip. "I'm sorry, Demi. I just lost it for one second. I'm sorry." He bends down and kisses my lip. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry."

"…It's not the hardest I've been hit." I lick my bloody lip and look away from him. Why? It must be me. Is it because I'm mouthy? Is it because I'm small? Why is that every boy's natural reaction? I don't swing off on anyone. Why do they swing off on me? "It didn't hurt."

"That's not the point, baby girl." He kisses me again. "I still shouldn't have done it. I'm so sorry."

"…It's fine."

"I just lost it…. for a split second, I lost it. You just… I don't know."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… I shouldn't have… antagonized you. I deserved that much."

"Don't say that!" He walks away from me and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Don't even think that… It was NEVER your fault. I'm sorry, Demi. I'm so sorry. I'll never…. I'll never put my hands on you again." He sighs. "I should leave. I just… I just got so… so worried that I slipped up with you… I'm just… I'm gonna leave."

"But that's the truth, Joe. If you're so worried about getting me pregnant, why don't you just put a condom on?"

"It's not what you think it is, Demi. I don't want to get you pregnant, not just because my wife would kill me." He just sighs. "…You're beautiful. You're one of the most beautiful girls I've seen… ever. And you're such a great kid. You're smart… you have such a bright future. I'd never be able to live with myself if I got you pregnant. That'd ruin your life, and you have so many endless possibilities. I don't want to mess that up for you."

"Why do you even care about that?"

"….Because, Demi. Dammit, I love you. That's why I care. I love you, girl." He comes back over to me and puts his arms around me. "I don't want anything to happen to you. I want you to be happy. I want you to get married someday, have little babies when YOU'RE ready. I want that for you." He kisses me long and deep on my lips. "I'm sorry for hitting you. I'm sorry for everything. But I have to let you know that I love you."

"…I already told you that I love you…" I reach up and curl my hands through his hair. "…Do you want to stay for dinner? I can't eat all that by myself…"

He kisses my lips once again. "…I gotta be home before my wife gets home, so I can't."

"What time will she be home?"

"Around 5."

"It's only 4."

"I can't stay, baby. I would love to. I still have to get the girls off Bea's mom, and she wants them bathed before dinner." He rubs my back. "I tell you what, though. There's supposed to be a really big heat wave coming tonight and early tomorrow morning. It's supposed to go up to about 115. I'm gonna cancel class tomorrow. It'll be too hot in that room. But… I won't let Bea know that I canceled. I'll come over tomorrow morning and spend the day with you. We can get some of those worksheets done. Okay? Tomorrow morning."

"...That'll give me time to shave tonight." I smile.

"You know I don't care if you're hairy or not." He lets me go and starts walking back to the door. "I'll be here around 7:45 tomorrow. See you then?"

"See you."

"…I'm sorry for hitting you. I really am. I'm so sorry…"

"Don't worry about it."


	18. What Now?

"Don't forget to pick the girls up the girls from my mom's at 4, babe." Bea stomps on her plain white nursing shoes and grabs the car keys off the kitchen counter. "I still think you should have cancelled class today, babe. I think you're nuts for not canceling." She tosses her long hair over her shoulder and walks over to give me a kiss goodbye. I don't open my mouth for the kiss, but she presses her lips against mine anyway. "Stay cool today. I'll see you in a few hours. Love you." She adjusts my tie for me like she always does. "Bye baby."

"Bye." I'm not sure if I feel guilty about what I'm about to do or not. I mean sure, I feel bad that I'm kissing my wife goodbye and I'm lying to her just to spend the entire day with Demi. Then again, I feel like I owe this to Demi. She's really a little trooper. I guess it can't possibly be easy for her to put up with the shit I put her through. Plus, I hit her yesterday. I still haven't quite forgiven myself for that one yet. I know that it's absolutely no excuse, but she just made me so angry yesterday. I just lost it for a split second, and I can't apologize to her enough. I'm glad she's still speaking to me after I did that. I peer out the front blinds and watch Bea's car leave the driveway. I think I played off the whole "I'm going to work and no, I didn't cancel class" pretty well.

When her car is out of my sight, I turn and walk back to our room to change out of my work attire. I grab a pair of red basketball shorts and a white cutoff shirt and throw the both of them on. I really need to make it up to Demi somehow. I mean, there's no way I'm just going to let that go. I hit her, and I hit her in the face. I've never even hit my wife before. I don't know what in my right mind possessed me to hit her. I slide on a pair of sandals, grab my car keys and head out the back door. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the fact that something between me and Demi is eventually gonna give. No matter how I slice it, she's only eighteen and she's gonna get married someday. She's gonna have a husband and children of her own. And when she does, what am I gonna do? Will we at least remain friends? It's bothering me not knowing what's eventually gonna happen with us.

I climb into the driver's seat of my truck and start the car. Damn, I'm glad I cancelled classes today. It's already feeling like a desert outside and it's not even the afternoon yet. I roll all the windows down in my truck and pull out of the back driveway. I've been trying to text Demi all morning to make sure she's awake, but she hasn't been texting me back. She told me last night that she'd leave her dorm room open for me though, so I'm not stressing it too much. I just wish she'd let me now that it's still alright for me to come over. I won't lie; I'm a little excited to spend the day with Demi. I try to shake the guilt I'm feeling, though.

Instead of taking the right turn to go on the same road the campus is on, I make a left to go into the store plaza. There are a few things I need to pick up before I head over to her dorm. I have to run into CVS for a couple things. I park my car in one of the stalls and run into the store real quick. As soon as I walk in, I'm greeted by exactly what I want. Not exactly what I came in here for, but definitely something that I want. I walk over to the big bin and sift through the soft, plush Pillow Pets. I never did ask her what her favorite animal is, so I guess it's luck of the draw. This Minnie Mouse one is pretty cute. It's nice and pink and very fluffy. I look at the price. It's $35.95. I can do that. I think it's so much because it's one of the jumbo Pillow Pets, not one of those small ones.

I shove it underneath my arm for storage and head for what I REALLY came here for. I sort through the boxes, reading each one to pick the best pack. These Trojan ones look good. I pick up a bright silver box with blue writing. I mumble while reading the package to myself. "Pure smoothness, feels like nothing's there. Pure ecstasy. 100% Lubricated. Tapered at the base so it won't come off…" Yeah, these will do. I haven't bought condoms in years. I actually forgot how to pick out a good brand. I grab two packs of the condoms and head up to the registers. I don't think we'll need two boxes, but I can have one and Demi can have one. I put the Pillow Pet and the condoms up on the counter and look down at the candy. What girl doesn't like chocolate? I grab a Kit-Kat bar, a bag of Reese Cup Minis and a plain Hershey bar. The cashier rings me up.

"It'll be $76.87." She pushes a button and my total flashes up on the screen. I guess that's about right. Pillow Pet itself was 36 bucks. The condoms were 13 bucks a pack. Plus the candy… yeah, that's about right. I reach in my pocket and grab my wallet. While I slide my platinum card, the cashier shoves the Pillow Pet in the biggest bag she has back there and sticks the condoms and candy in a smaller bag. I touch a few things on the payment pad and that's that. She hands me my receipt and I head out to my car again. Damn. I probably should have gotten her a card too, huh?

I'm not going back in there, though. I've already spent enough money. I start my car again, adjust my rearview mirror and back out the parking lot. While I wait at the red light at the intersection leading up to the campus, I check my phone. Demi still hasn't texted me back. I toss my phone on the passenger's seat and turn up into the dorm parking lot. I'm glad that I'm not the only teacher that "didn't cancel classes" today, because if I had only been the only one, it would have been way tougher to pull that over on my wife. Truthfully, only one teacher DIDN'T cancel classes today. It's way too hot out here to even have classes, but Professor Miller is a big stickler. He loves his job; he hasn't canceled a class in the days since I've started working at the university.

I find a parking spot, park my truck, grab the bags plus my phone and get out. I'm not very worried about getting caught around here. Bea can't possibly be on this side of town. She works clear on the other side, more towards Phoenix than here in Tempe. I open the front door to the housing complex and climb the flight of steps to the second floor. I count four doors down to Demi's door. Since she hasn't texted me back, I assume that she's not awake. To be respectful, I knock on the door twice then turn the knob. It's open, like she said it would be. I walk in her dorm and shut the door behind me, making sure that I lock it.

It's dark in here, even though it's nice and bright outside. She only has one window in her living room/kitchen and it's covered with thick white blinds and dark green curtains. There's a little bit of light shining through the open door that I assume is to her bedroom, but not much. "…Demi?" I put the bag of candy and condoms on her kitchen table and carry the Pillow Pet bag back to the open door. The light coming from the open door is just from the sunlight shining through a barely-opened window. I've never been in her room before. I take the opportunity to look around.

She has a full-sized bed, pushed against the wall next to her window. Her bedding is deep purple with yellow and orange flowers on it. She has a big mirror on her wall, right above her dresser. On her dresser are tons of empty light and dark pink striped Victoria's Secret bags lined up. Next to the bags, a black box of tampons rests. She has tons of little nail polishes, perfumes, bracelets and deodorants. There's a small package of what looks like birth control pills and a prescription pill bottle. She has a bunch of bottles of lotion. Next to her mirror is a giant corkboard with nothing but pictures, greeting cards and post it notes on it. Her gymnastics bag is thrown in the corner of her room, next to a lime green and purple softball bat. It's very clean in here. It's very… Demi.

Inside the full-sized bed is a small but long lump of covers with light brown hair sticking out the top. I walk over to her as quietly as possible and just stare at her. It's so surreal to see her asleep. I often forget that Demi's a real, living, breathing person. I'm so used to seeing her as my student; I've never seen her like this before. I just stare at her. She's perfect, even while she's asleep. I notice a small cluster of freckles on her nose. Her lips rest together peacefully and her long eyelashes flutter a bit from the fan blowing on her, but she's still in a deep sleep. I'd better not wake her.

Instead of disturbing her, I pull my cutoff shirt over my head and leave it on her floor. I take my shorts off too and put them with my shirt. Carefully, I climb into the bed next to her. It's not until I pull some covers over myself that she jumps up, frightened. I put my hands on her arms to calm her. "It's just me… it's me."

"…I… I forgot you were coming. I'm sorry…" She's still half asleep and very groggy. "I forgot…"

"It's alright. I let myself in." I put my hand on her cheek and force her head back down on her pillow. "It's still really early. We can sleep, if you want."

"No… I'm okay." She yawns really big and picks her head back up. Her dark red halter top rises up around her waist when she sits up. She's not wearing pants at all. Her cheetah print underwear expose themselves underneath her covers too. "I only have a little bit of time with you, I don't want to waste it sleeping. I just forgot you were coming. Otherwise, I would have been awake." She climbs out of her bed. "It's a freaking mess in here, I'm sorry." I watch her hurry around in her underwear while I lie in her bed. "…What's this?" She points to the CVS bag.

I get out of her bed and pick it up. "It's yours." I take the big Minnie Mouse Pillow Pet from the bag and hand it to her. "Do you like it?"

She just smiles at me. "Thank you." She takes it and hugs it, making sure it's soft enough for her liking. "Yes. I love it. I'll sleep with her every single night. Thank you." She doesn't put it down, though. She just keeps squishing and squeezing it. "It's so big. I needed a cuddle buddy for the times when I'm alone. I really love it."

"You're welcome." I take a seat on her bed. "So what do you want to do first? This day is all yours…"

"…Uh… are you hungry? I could make us some breakfast or something. Or we can do all that homework I have. Or if you're tired, we can go back to sleep for a little bit, if you want. Or we can watch movies… Or we can just talk…" She's speaking so fast, it's so cute. I can tell that she's nervous and very excited. I'm glad I decided to come spend the day with her. She's so excited. I love seeing her happy. "I don't have condoms here, so I don't think we can have sex…"

"I bought some at the drugstore. They're on your kitchen table." I stand up and pull her in to my warm embrace. "Calm your little mind, babe. We have all day. You're still tired. I can see it in your eyes, you're sleepy." I use the pads of my fingers to get the eye boogers from her eyes. "How about we lie down for a little bit. We have all the time in the world."

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

"Are you coming to my meet this weekend?" I lie back down in my bed and clear a spot for him to lie next to me. He puts his hands on my waist and pulls me closer to his side. I adjust the covers so that they're covering both of us equally. His wife is so lucky. She gets to do this every night. It feels so good to have him holding me. "It's on Saturday and it's in Tucson… up at the University of Arizona." I put my head on his chest and he lets me. He puts his hands on my lower back and rubs softly. "I think my dad might come. My mom says she's coming… I want you to be there too."

"I promise I'll come if I can. I'm not sure what we're gonna do on Saturday. I don't know what Bea's work schedule is gonna be like. I don't know if I'll have the girls… I won't know until sometime tomorrow. But I promise I'll be there if it's possible for me to come." He puts his lips to mine and sucks on my bottom one after we share a soft kiss. "I wouldn't miss you winning that gold for anything in the world." He kisses me again. "You're so talented." I smile at him and he folds his hand into mine and holds it. "Are you okay with your mom? Is she alright?"

"Yeah, we're okay. She's trying to stay clean, and she's not in the halfway house anymore. She asked me to spend the weekend with her, so I'm going home with her after my meet. I think she's okay this time, but it's hard to tell with her." I close my eyes and relax on his chest. Joe is so comfortable. I trace my fingers along his abs. "…Joe?" I whisper his name and keep sliding my fingers along his stomach. "…Tell me about you. I really wanna know you. I don't feel I know you… and I want to."

"What do you want to know?"

"…Everything."

"Well… I was born in Phoenix, raised in Phoenix. I'm the middle child out of three. I have an older brother and a younger brother. My older brother lives down in Scottsdale with his wife and daughter. My younger brother is around your age, just a little bit older. He's nineteen, got a scholarship to go play football for the Bruins up there at UCLA. I graduated from ASU, earned my associate's, bachelor's and master's from here. Currently working on my doctorate's. I'm twenty eight, just turned twenty eight, actually. Birthday's on the fifteenth of August." He begins knotting his hands through my hair. I love this. "I didn't always wanna be a math professor. I used to want to be a professional basketball player/dentist. Needless to say that didn't work out too well for me. I took stats and calculus three in college and fell in love with math, so here I am now. Green's my favorite color… Scarface is my favorite movie… I like to watch Duck Dynasty…" He holds me a little closer. "Your turn? Or do you want to know more?"

I put my leg across his waist and relax a little more. "I was born in Albuquerque. My dad's like… a hundred percent Mexican so his family still lives down there in Mexico, but we all have dual citizenships so I can go down there and visit whenever I please. I can speak fluent Spanish. I'm the oldest child out of two. I have a little sister named Maddie. Maddie's really little; she's only in second grade. I got accepted here in my junior year of high school on a SOFTBALL scholarship, not a gymnastics one. I uh… want to be a Neonatal nurse. When my little sister was born, she had to spend three weeks in the NICU because my mom was all whacked out while she was pregnant with her. So I want to help babies like my sister. I'm eighteen, just turned it… five days after your birthday, actually. Purple's my favorite color and Safe Haven is my favorite movie. I like Couples Therapy, that comes on VH1. But I also like Law & Order SVU."

"…You speak Spanish?"

I nod. "Mhm. My dad's parents don't know English. They don't speak English at all. So I kinda had to learn while I was little."

"Say something to me in Spanish."

"…What do you want me to say?"

"I don't care, just say something."

"Uh…." I sit up a little bit and think about what to say to him. "Tengo hambre y estoy a punto de hacer un poco de comida. ¿Quieres un poco?"

"…And what'd you say?" He asks.

"I said that I'm hungry and I'm about to go make some food. Do you want some?"

"…Yes. I would like some food."

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

"You still need me to pick you up tomorrow?" I ask Demi while she sits in front of me. I put my arms around her bare waist and squeeze. She's perfect, so perfect. She opens and closes her legs rhythmically, watching bubbles float up between her legs every time she does so. She relaxes against my chest and nods to answer my question. I rub some of the soft bubbles on her arms and kiss her neck. I can't remember the last time I've taken a bath with my wife, but I'm here taking a bath with Demi. "I'll come get you around 6…" I press my lips to the back of her neck, near her shoulder and whisper in her ear. "Thanks again for babysitting for us…" I cup some water in my hands and rub it over her stomach, stopping at her hips to play with her dermal piercings.

"Is there anything I should know about the girls?" She scoots back so that her back's against my chest. Her hair smells like the same shampoo my wife uses. I grip my hands around her waist and massage the bones that protrude out. She's got the best body I've ever seen. I can't get over her. "What time do they go to bed? What do I feed them if they're hungry?"

"Bea will take care of all that tomorrow." I kiss her neck, sucking a little before I part. I don't want to leave her with a hickey. No telling if she'd get in trouble for that or not. "For now, it's all about just you… and me." I slide my hands from her waist to between her legs. She parts them willingly for me. I use my left hand to open her up down there and my right hand to get her ready. "…Did you shave? Just for me?" She turns her head slightly and nods. "That's my girl." Slowly, I slide my single, middle finger inside of her. She's tight; entirely too tight. I don't even have to ask. I already know that she doesn't have sex with anyone else.

Her breathing quickens just slightly and she stiffens up her legs. I love when she's in her sexual mode. She's all quiet and innocent, but I know better than to think anything of that. I palm her clit and brush the part of my hand where my wrist starts across it gently as I continue to finger her. Her mouth opens just a little and she bites down on her lip, bearing with it. In the base of my hand, I feel her warm, sticky, lubrication slide out to let me know that she's ready for me to go in. I'm not ready, though. I put my lips on her neck and keep pleasuring her. In preparation, she brought the box of condoms in the bathroom, but I'm not real sure how we're going to use them while we're in water. Maybe she'll just let the unprotected sex slide one last time.

As if my thoughts are projected out loud, she reaches over slowly and grabs the silver box lying beside the bathtub. I guess I respect the fact that she really is trying to prevent any accidents. But I don't see how this is going to work. Reluctantly, I remove my finger from inside of her body and grab the box off her. "…How is this going to work if we're in water?" I tear the box open eagerly and grab one single foil packet out of it. "We can just do it raw one more time, can't we? You're not gonna get pregnant… and if you do, I'll pay to take care of it." I put the condom on the edge of the bathtub and wait for her to give me the okay to just do it raw.

She doesn't, though. "…I'd be willing to get an abortion, Joe. If we ever did have an accident, I'd get an abortion." She slides herself off my lap and turns to face me. She snatches the condom off me and opens it up. "But abortion is NOT birth control, Joe. I couldn't just keep killing babies—MY babies because I'm not trying to prevent them from being made in the first place. I'm prochoice, but only in certain situations. If you don't like it, no sex. It's just a condom, it won't kill you." She rubs the light blue, almost clear condom between her fingers to loosen it up. She must have put condoms on before, because she's pretty good at it. "You don't want me to get pregnant, but you don't want to use condoms. Let's just be consistent, okay?" She grabs my erection and places the condom over the head and rolls it down, securing it on the base.

"You're right." I grab her jaw and pull her into a kiss. She's right, though. Abortion isn't birth control. I kiss her lips a bunch of times before I push myself inside her. I guess the condom isn't that bad. It still feels like I'm inside here unprotected. It feels like there isn't anything there. Plus, I feel a little bit better knowing that we're protecting ourselves now.

But somewhere, deep inside my conscience, I feel disappointed; defeated, almost. What if the reason I didn't want to use a condom wasn't because it feels better without them? What if, just what if I wouldn't mind if she had my baby? Then what? I know I'm married, with babies of my own… but what happens when that isn't enough for me anymore? What do you do when you're faced with the overwhelming reality that you're not happy with the one you've agreed to devote your life to? What if you find someone else that you might want to be with? How about if that person is still so young, but still so… right for you?

What do I do when I start to realize that it's not Blanda I want to be with?

Now what?


	19. Choices

"Okay, so my cell phone number is on the fridge, and Joe says you already have his number. We should be back late—very late, so don't bother waiting up for us, sweetie. If you get tired, I put some blankets and extra pillows out on the couch in the living room. There's tons of food in the fridge and in the pantry, so if you get hungry, just help yourself. The girls should stay asleep until about eight, but if they do wake up earlier than that, just heat up milk on the stove for Victoria and give it to her in a sippy cup. In the fridge, I already have Livy's bottles made, you can pop those in the microwave." Joe's wife explains everything to me once again. I listen carefully and just nod to let her know I understand. "I already fed them dinner, so they shouldn't get hungry. If they do ask for something to eat, however, there is lunch meat and mayonnaise in the fridge. You can make them sandwiches." She scribbles down a series of numbers on a pink Post-It! note. "If we get back too late, do you want to just sleep here, or would you like for one of us to drive you back home? It's your choice honey."

"…I could go home. I have to be up pretty early tomorrow morning due to a gymnastics meet, so I should go home." I take my long hair and toss it to the left side of my body. Should I feel guilty for having sex with her husband? "But um… I might change my mind about that, depending on how late it is." I look around the enormous kitchen. It's so nice that I'd feel bad about messing it up if I got hungry. "So… numbers on the fridge, milk for Victoria, bottle for Olivia. Sandwiches if they get hungry." I nod. "Um… can you guys just try to be back by 4:30? They lock the doors to my housing complex at 5:00, and I have a gymnastics meet tomorrow morning…. I could always miss the meet if there's a problem, though…"

"We'll be back around 3:00, Demi. No later than 3:30." Joe butts in. "You won't have to miss your meet." He fishes his wallet out of his pocket. "I'll just take you home when we get home." He grabs a crisp $20 bill and a crisp $10 bill from his wallet. "Here, for all your trouble." He holds the money out to me. Joe does a really good job of acting like our relationship is strictly student-teacher. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear we weren't actually sleeping with one another. He plays it off just that good.

"…I told you I'll do it for free. It's okay." I look down at the ground. "I told you I'll do it for free." I repeat myself. I didn't think it'd be this hard to stand in front of him and face him in front of his wife. I honestly just want to give him a kiss. I want to tell him that I love him. But I won't. I wouldn't dare.

"Oh no, honey. The girls can be a bit of a handful. I wouldn't dare let you watch them for free. Please, take the money." His wife insists and hands me the money herself. "I don't care how much my husband tutors you; I still want to pay you to watch our girls." I take the money from her so she'll shut up about it. I have a feeling that if she knew what my "tutoring" sessions were, she would feel differently about paying me. Just a feeling, though.

* * *

"May I see the orange crayon, Olivia?" I put a pink crayon back into the big container of crayons in the middle of the coffee table. Joe's kids are not bad kids at all. We've been coloring pictures for nearly two hours now and they've both been pretty good girls. Olivia seems to be in love with me, though. She refuses to sit more than three feet away from me. I think she's adorable. "How about it, Liv? Can Demi see the orange crayon, please?" She appears to be a little bit left handed, because she's holding a collection of crayons in her right hand and coloring with her left. I need the orange to color in my cat. Olivia hands me a yellow crayon from the collection in her hand and continues scribbling on an alien. "I need the _orange _crayon, sweetie. This is yellow." I hand her the crayon back. "What color is this, honey? What color is this?" I hold up a baby blue crayon.

She looks at me and continues to suck on her pacifier. "….Bew." She snatches the blue crayon off me and hands me the orange one I asked for. Both of the girls are actually very smart. I'm not surprised that Olivia is only two and she knows all the colors of the rainbow. They're really sweet girls too.

"Thank you sweetie." I start coloring in the ears of the cat. "What's your favorite color, Tori?" I look up from my coloring sheet and watch her. Of course, her coloring is a little messy but it's pretty decent for a three year old. She's actually coloring things the right color. The stems of her flowers are green, the leaves are green but the grass somehow ended up purple. I miss that. When I was little, I mean. I miss when it was okay to have a green sun if you wanted, purple grass if you wanted and yellow apple trees. The more time I spend with these girls the more I realize I wouldn't mind doing this for free. I'm actually enjoying myself.

"Pwalple. I yike pwalple ayot acause it mommy's favorite keller." I completely understand her, which is a little impressive, I think. I've just noticed that her L's come out as Y's, her S's come out as T's and her Y's come out as L's. Ayot = A lot, Tupid = Stupid, and Lellow = Yellow. It's not that hard for me to decode baby-babble. I used to decode Madison's all the time.

"Oooooh, purple. Purple's pretty. Purple's my favorite color too." I grab my phone and check the time. It's 8:46. "So…. Food? Are you guys hungry at all or do you just wanna keep coloring?"

"I not hungry." Tori stands up and puts her crayons down. "We do… nastics, Dehmay? Why it still yight outside? We go do nastics?"

"No gymnastics outside, honey. It's nighttime outside sweetie."

"You flippy? Tow me flippy?"

"…In a little while, honey. I wanna feed you guys before we do anything else, okay? I don't want you to go to sleep hungry." I get up from the tiny coffee table and adjust my clothes. "Come on, Livy. Come on, Tori. Let's go get something to eat." I grab Tori's hand. Liv stands up and spits her pacifier out. She walks in the opposite direction of Victoria and I and turns a corner. "Olivia! Livia, where are you going honey?" I hoist Tori on my hip and rush to where Olivia went. Oh. She's only in the bathroom. "Do you have to pee, honey?"

Olivia pulls her black and white polka dot leggings down and her bright pink Barbie underwear too. Very carefully, she climbs up on the toilet and sits down. I hear a little bit of drops falling in the toilet. I'm so glad they're both potty-trained. I hate diapers. "Her… Her… Her you… Her you nee to… to wipe Dehmay." Tori stutters in my ear but eventually gets her point across. "Her no wipe good."

"Okay, I'll wipe her honey." I put Tori down on the floor and walk into the bathroom with Olivia. I wad up some of the toilet paper in my hand and wipe her real good down there. I know how important it is to make sure little kids wipe themselves decently. When Madison was freshly potty-trained, she used to get so angry with me and my dad when we went to wipe her. So to keep her from having a temper tantrum, my dad started to let her wipe herself. But then, Madison had the nastiest little underwear. They were all stained and smelly because she WOULDN'T wipe herself after she peed, so my dad spanked her and started wiping her himself again. I never laughed so hard at Madison getting a spanking in my life. I grab the Germ-X off the counter by the sink and squirt some in Livy's hands. "Alright girls, let's go get somethin' to eat." I shut the bathroom light off and walk with both girls to the kitchen. When I get older, I hope I have girls that are just like Tori and Liv. They're really great girls.

"Dehmay… ree …tory we go nighty.." Tori climbs up in one of the kitchen chairs and pulls her sleeves up, ready to eat. I'm not sure what she said.

I go over to the fridge and grab the container of turkey, the cheese and the mayonnaise. I look around and finally find the breadbox. "What did you say sweetheart?" I take out two slices of bread and put mayonnaise on each slice. I open up the turkey and listen closely to hear what she said.

"….Ree us a… tory we go nighty…"

"You want me to read you a story before you go night night?" I put equal amounts of turkey on each side of the sandwich, one slice of cheese, salt, pepper and smash it together. I cut it diagonally and put each piece on separate paper plates. "I'll read you guys a story. When do you want to go to sleep?" I sit down at the table with them and pull Olivia's sleeves up. Olivia grabs her sandwich and puts her head against my shoulder. I think it's cute how Olivia doesn't say much, but she has no trouble letting me know what she wants and what she needs. I guess she's tired now.

It is getting pretty late for them. I guess I should start putting them to bed.

* * *

"Dems, you don't think you're going a little bit overboard?" Selena questions me in my ear. Sometimes I can't stand the way she talks down to me. I don't really think it's "down-talking", but she just has such a way of making me feel like mud. "First he spends the day with you in your DORM…. Then you babysit his children… Demi, seriously. Stop yourself while you're ahead. This is getting a little crazy." I hear her tone drop to a slight whisper. "Don't you think you should at least try to stop? I'm getting worried about you and what's going to happen eventually. It's just… not a good idea to keep this thing going with our professor…"

I sigh and erase a mistake I made rewriting my MedTerm notes. The girls are fast asleep, it's 2:30 a.m. and I have so much work I need to get in by tomorrow morning. I'm actually exhausted. "No. I mean… Selena, it's not like that. I mean… it kinda is like that, but…" I sigh and just stare at my notebook. I have to admit that this isn't exactly the way I thought my freshman year of college would go. I'm usually a pretty good student, but my grades are just going down, down, down. I'm too caught up in Joe. I admit that. I admit it. I continue rewriting my notes. "…I think babysitting is pretty normal, don't you? Of everything else Joe and I do together, I think babysitting his kids is the normal part." I scribble down the definition of adenotome and hi-light it with my yellow hi-lighter. I yawn really big into the phone. I just now realize that I'm extremely tired. I've been awake since yesterday night, and I'm ready to just crash. But I have so much homework, and I just HAVE to compete tomorrow. "What… time do we have to be at the gym tomorrow?"

"Coach wants us there at 6:30. Bus leaves at 7:15. I think we're stopping for breakfast on the road." Her tone perks up, as if she's happy that the subject has changed. "Did you rerecord your floor music and give it to coach? I'm so excited to see you perform tomorrow… My mom and Brian are coming, they want to see you too. I told them they needed to come and see you."

"Yeah, I gave it to her. I think my singing sounds horrible, but it's all there. She's just lucky that I memorized all the lyrics." I yawn once again. "If I don't get some sleep, performing is a big NO."

"Yeah, I agree. Uh… I'll see you tomorrow then. Are you just going to stay there over Joe's?"

"Probably. I'm so sleepy, once I'm out I'm not going to want to wake up again."

"Alright. It's almost 3 a.m., so get some sleep. Love you, Dems. Get some rest, you have a big day tomorrow."

"Yeah. Love you too… Bye." We mutually hang up the phone and I shut my notebook. I'll finish writing these notes tomorrow on the bus ride there. I don't really mind turning things in late for medical terminology, because I have the highest grade in that class. I can afford to turn in assignments late. One late notebook won't drop my grade to drastically, I don't think. I dump my notebook and my MedTerm book into my schoolbag and shut off the lamp next to me. I don't really mind sleeping on the couch. It's actually pretty comfortable. I grab the remote next to me and turn on Tosh.0. I know for a fact that if I don't get some sleep, and get some sleep SOON, I am NOT waking up in time tomorrow. I grab one of the couch pillows, place it behind my head and get comfortable. I pull one of the blankets that Joe's wife left out over my body and keep my eyes locked on the TV until they get too heavy for me to keep them open.

I'm so nervous about the meet tomorrow. My daddy swore he'd come. He said he might be a little late, because Madison doesn't get out of bed until 8:00, but he promised he would come. I don't think he'd promise me something he wouldn't keep. Plus, my mom's coming. Joe's gonna bring the girls while Blanda's at work. And this just in, Selena's parents are coming. And on top of all that, I'm still being scouted by Big Ten, ASC and SEC schools tomorrow. I gotta REALLY be on my A-game.

Finally, my eyes are way too heavy for me to even attempt to keep them open. So I close them, and fall into a deep, peaceful sleep.

* * *

"Deeemi…." I'm woken up from my sleep by him calling my name. I'm tired and groggy with sleep, why is he waking me up? I told him I didn't have to go home tonight, to just take me home in the morning. Fuck. Maybe it's morning already, and it's time for me to go home. I swear I just fell asleep on this couch a few hours ago though. "Demiiiiiii…" I feel his hand grab a strand of my hair and sweep it away from my face. "Demi, wake up…" His lips are smooth against mine. "Wake up, babe…"

I open my eyes and sit up slowly. "…I told you I don't have to go home…. What are you doing?" I can't see anything, even if I strain my eyes. When I fell asleep, I shut the lamp next to the couch off on and the TV was on. I fell asleep watching Tosh.0. "Are you taking me home?" I ask, still in my sleepy stage. I just want to go to sleep, that's all. Maybe he's moving me to somewhere more comfortable, but I must admit that the couch is pretty comfy, for a couch.

"No, I'm not taking you home." He says and keeps messing with my hair. I fall over and nestle my face back in the couch. Let me sleep then. I'm SO tired. "No, Demi… wake up…" He hovers over top of me and kisses my neck. I keep my eyes closed and start falling into a deeper sleep. I'm exhausted… He works his way between my legs, lays on top of me and keeps sucking all over my neck. "Deeeemiiii….. I wanna eat your pussy…" His lips touch mine again.

I grumble and whine. "Eat it later…" I'm not even sure what he said, to one hundred percent honest. I roll over with him still between my legs and hold onto the couch pillow. "I don't care what you do to me…" I yawn again and feel myself going into for real sleep. "Or while I'm sleeping…" I whisper that last line of words and crash. I'm at the end of my near two-day binge of pulling all-nighters to study for tests that I fail anyway and trying to catch up on work that's way overdue. I'm so tired. And I have to compete in a few hours… PLEASE let me sleep.

"It's no fun while you're sleeping…" He's still kissing my neck while I'm in that stage of sleep right before you're out for good. "Please? Just for an hour… then you can sleep… please? I wanna eat your pussy…" He begs. What is he begging for? What's between my legs cannot possibly be so good that he's begging for it. It's just a vagina. It can't be that good. "Lemme eat it… for an hour… I just wanna eat it."

"But your wife's home…" I can barely keep my eyes open.

"She's a heavy sleeper… and the TVs on in our room so she won't hear it through her sleep and the TV… She's sleeping…. Come on, Demi… you don't even have to do anything, just stay awake… I just wanna eat it…" He kisses me on my lips then back on my neck. "I want a midnight snack…"

"But it's not midnight…"

"Don't make me beg you. Come on…" He kisses me on the lips again. "You'll sleep so much better after you cum. Come on… lemme eat it, and as soon as you cum, you can go to sleep. I promise I'll let you sleep as soon as I taste your cum…" He kisses my neck then back up to my lips. The dirty talk IS turning me on, but I'm still so tired. I need RedBull or 5-Hour Energy. "The whole reason I came down here was to eat it… it's all I been thinking about since I got home. I'll even eat your ass if you want me to… please just wake up."

I poke my lip out. I'm really about to cry. I'm about to bust out in tears and sob. I just wanna sleep. But, he promises that he'll let me sleep after I cum, so I guess he can. "…Ohhhkay." I yawn and sit up. "You don't have to eat my ass though, that's a little extreme." I yawn again. "You don't have to eat my ass… unless you're into that sort of thing." I rub my eyes hard. "What if we get caught? What time is it?"

"We won't. I know Bea. She's not gonna wake up. She could sleep through an armed robbery." He puts his hands on the rims of my sweatpants and eagerly pulls them down. I kick them off the couch and he lays my underwear down next to them. "It's quarter til 4. I'll be done by about… 5. Okay?" He pulls me to the edge of the couch and stands on his knees down on the floor in front of me. Is he really gonna eat me out for an hour? Fuck, did I shave? Fuck, do I smell bad down there? I mean, I showered twice, once when I woke up for the day and once before I came here to babysit… "Thank you…" He says like he actually means it.

"You said for an hour, so go." I lie back on the couch and try not to fall asleep. He spreads my legs open so wide that I'm basically doing my front split. I rest my feet on his back and let him do whatever he pleases. He stuffs his face between my legs and eats me out with his mouth wide open. He's treating me like I'm literally a full course meal. I rub and grip his hair. "Oh, baby…"

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

I don't know if I'm gonna be able to stop at eating her pussy. I'm gonna want more, I can already tell. Maybe she'll be up for more after I make her cum. "Mmmm…" I grab her legs and pull her into me some more. I want nothing but her pussy in my face, and I know just the way to get it. I grab her off the couch and pull her down on my face. She's the furthest thing from heavy, so if she sits on my face, she won't hurt me. My tongue glides over her slimy, wet clit and I suck on it. I swear I could live with just eating her pussy.

"Ohhh…" She lowers herself down to my face and rubs herself all over me. I love it so much. I shove my tongue up and inside her and she starts riding it like it's my dick. "Ohhh Joe…" She reaches forward and grips my hair. "Yeah baby… Yeah…" I suck real hard on her clit. "You wanna go head for head tonight?" She rubs my head like she really appreciates what I'm doing for her. I slurp her hole and lift her up so I can put my tongue deep in it. I push away from her for a second, just to answer her question.

"Nah, I don't need head." I answer her and pull her back down on me. I lift her back up. "But I would really like to fuck you…" I slide up to kiss her. "All over this living room if you would let me."

"…You said you just wanted to eat it…" She whines tiredly.

"I know what I said. But trust me, I'll put you to bed…" I kiss her on her lips and play with her hip piercings. "You'll go right to sleep after I'm finished with you." I pull down my pajama pants and take them off. "What time's your meet tomorrow?" I pick her up and put her on my lap after I sit down on the couch. I slide my dick inside her and she puts her face in my shoulder. She's really tired, I should just let her go to bed. I sometimes forget that she still is a kid and she needs more sleep than I do. "I'm coming, you know that right?" Even though I know she's tired, I still start to fuck her.

"OOOOOHHHH…." She moves right along with me. "It's…It's a…at … it's at 9…9:30…" I pull her towards me, making her take my dick hard. She stutters every time she's trying to say something. "You can come… i…. I have… have to…have to warm up at 9:00…Ssso I'm leaving a..at 7:15. Ahhhh…." She moans in my ear. "Ohhh shit…. I really wasn't in the mood to take this tonight…" I push her down on it so it's in there deep. "Fuuuuckkkk….." I pull her closer towards me, making her feel and take every single inch of my dick. "I'm so tired…And you don't have a condom on…"

"I know…" I spread her ass open and thrust upwards while I pull her downwards. "But your pussy's so wet… you know it was calling me from upstairs?" I slap her ass hard and keep fucking her. "You got tighter since yesterday… I'm barely fittin' it all in there… mmm… I'm the only dick that's been in here since yesterday, huh?" I swirl it around to open her up. "Whoa this shit is tight…" I'm glad I'm not wearing a condom. It's so good raw. I'll pull out. I promise her as well as myself that I'll pull out.

"Yeah… ohhh god…." She takes a dig at my back. I told her about scratching my back so much. Bea's bound to question it sooner or later. She puts her hands on my shoulders and starts riding me in wide, vigorous, swirly circles. I reach up and tangle my fingers in her hair. I hold her t-shirt up so that it doesn't get in the way while she rides me. I reach down and tease her clit, just to make sure she stays wet.

"Thaaat's my girl…." I bite my teeth gently down on her neck, purse my lips and give her a hickey. "I wanna do some work though." I grab her by her legs to secure her and stand up. She wraps her arms around my neck so that I don't drop her. I would fuck her standing up like this, but it's too risky. We might make way too much noise. I kneel down slowly and put her back down on the carpet near the coffee table. She bends her legs at the knees and allows me between them. I push inside of her and lie flat against her, pelvis to pelvis. None of my dick is outside of her. It's ALL inside. "You still sleepy?"

She nods, wrapping her legs around my waist and not allowing me to pull out of her even if I wanted to. I start drilling her pussy. She's wet as fuck. "Oh… Oh god, Oh…." She's being quieter than she's ever been. Usually, Demi's a big screamer. Tonight, she's breathing heavy, scratching the fuck out of my back, and barely moaning. "AA….AAhhhh….. Oh fuck… fuck, fuck… fuccckkkk…." I lean down and put my open mouth to hers. She reciprocates my kiss hungrily. "I love youuu…. God…. I love you…" She stops scratching my back and pulls on my hair.

"…Shhh." I put my hand over her mouth for a second and just listen. Still inside of her, I stay still. I think I hear…. A gushing sound rushes through the walls of the living room. Yeah, I do hear the toilet flushing. I kiss Demi roughly. "I love you too." I pull out fast and yank my pajama pants back on. "Here… come on." I pick her up and dump her on the couch. Through the darkness, I can see her beady brown eyes staring at me with disappointment. "Just lie here. I'll be back… I'll be right back, babe."

I run up the steps quickly, wiping away the sweat that collected on my brow. I hope I don't smell like sex. "Baby? What are you doing up?" I walk to our bedroom. Bea's walking from the bathroom back to our bedroom. I'm so nervous that my lips are shaking. I can't stop thinking about Demi, lying downstairs on my couch. I love her… I can't keep doing this to her. "I was just checking on the girls… I'm about to go downstairs for something to drink… do you want anything?"

"No… I'm going back to sleep…" She mumbles and flops back on our mattress, yanks the covers over herself and goes back to bed. …That was a close one. ANOTHER close one.

"Okay." I turn and rush back down the steps, flipping on the living room light. Demi's lying on the couch where I left her, crying. I don't even have to ask her why she's crying. I already know. I love her. I really do. I can't keep doing this to her. I have to make a decision. I can't keep pawning her around, at her expense. I keep hurting her and that was NEVER my intention. I don't want to see her hurt. I love her WAY too much. How do I make this decision?

When I love two people at the same time?


	20. Just Hang In There

"Here, take a bite of this." Selena holds her thick sandwich to my mouth. What's up with people not believing in sleep these days? I told her I wasn't hungry, I just want to sleep. I'm exhausted. I didn't leave Joe's house until 5:45 and as soon as I got back to my dorm, I had to pack my shit up and walk down to get on the bus. I planned on taking a nap on this bus, but for some reason, Selena won't let that happen. If I wanted something from Panera, I would have gone in Panera. Truth be told, I _am _hungry. But if I eat, I WILL blow chunks all over the gym so I'll eat after the meet. I'm so nervous and tired, and nervous and tired do NOT mix well for Demi. I swat Selena's hand away from my mouth. "Rude. I'm just trying to make sure you eat something, Dems. You know I don't like how you wait until after the meet to eat."

"Just because you have the stomach of steel doesn't mean I do, Lena. If I eat, I'll throw up all over the gym." I know she won't fight me on that, because it HAS happened before. I was seven and starving to death. I ate two corn dogs, a bag of Doritos and a bottle of Pepsi before a meet and all of that ended up all over the mats underneath the uneven bars. I haven't eaten before a meet since then, and I will never eat before a meet again. I put my purple Beats headphones over my ears and rest my head against the window of the charter bus. "Please don't bother me. I'm so tired…"

"…You're gonna crash." Selena turns around in her seat and walks in the aisle. She comes back to my seat with all of her belongings and sits next to me. WHY won't she just leave me alone? Nobody will be satisfied until I cry. "Lie here, Dems." She pats her shoulder. I don't know why Selena won't stop babying me. I kind of like it, but I don't want her to feel like she always has to. I take her up on her offer. I turn my iPod on shuffle, adjust my Beats to make sure they don't slip off and lay my head down on her shoulder. As if I'm not there, she continues eating her sandwich and listening to her own music. I have an hour and a half to sleep.

I listen to Ed Sheeran's entire "+" album on the way there. It's perfect sleeping music.

* * *

"Dems… Dems, wake up." Selena taps me on my arm to wake me up. I slept pretty well to be on a bus ride. "Wakey wakey." When I take my head off her shoulder, she stands up and grabs her bag. I wipe a drool spot off the side of my mouth and open my eyes. A little bit grumpy, I snatch my bag up from underneath of my seat and sling it over my shoulder. I had a nice nap. I feel a little bit better than I did when I first got on the bus. I put my headphones around my neck and file into the line of girls getting off the bus. I'm still formally waking myself up. I stalk lifelessly off the bus and stare up at the enormous campus that is The University of Arizona. It's a lot different than Arizona State. It's bigger. Selena braces her hand against my back to help me navigate the large crowd of people because she knows that I'm still in sleep mode.

"…Why the fuck are there so many people here…" I mumble to myself but loud enough for Selena to hear. She gives me a faint laugh and helps me walk through the doors. I yawn wide finally pull myself together. When my eyes are open all the way, I notice ALL these scouts. I'm going to piss my pants. Why are they all looking at me? Why are they staring? I hang my head a little and scratch my index finger across my two front teeth. Do I have something in my teeth? I smooth my hair back and tame it. A couple guys stare at me, older guys though. One is wearing a dark green and orange shirt with the Florida Gators logo on it, and the other has a deep red and white shirt with the Alabama Crimson Tide logo on it. They both smile at me. What else can I do but smile back? "Selena, there are WAY too many people here…"

"So I take it as you didn't know that this meet is on TV, huh?" She puts her arm around my shoulders to comfort me and we keep walking, following coach Charity. We weave through a smaller crowd of people and into the biggest gymnasium I have EVER been in. I have to pee. I have to pee so bad. I'm gonna pee.

"TV?" I keep looking around as we walk down into a locker room. "Great." I throw my bag down and unzip it. I grab my hairbrush and a bright yellow scrunchie and walk over to the mirror. Megan stands beside me and starts combing her hair viciously, almost angrily. I brush mine up into a high ponytail and pull it only halfway through to put it into a bun. I don't know how to do any of that fancy shit with my hair, and honestly it doesn't matter to me. I've been tying my hair up in a bun for years. It seems to work for me. Selena always offers to do something pretty with my hair but I really don't care. All I do is sweat it out anyway.

Coach Charity walks over to me and puts her hands on my back just as I start to do my eyeliner. "When you're done, come with me. Somebody wants to speak with you. Somebody from ESPN wants to interview you."

"….No thank you." I shake my head. "I'm nervous enough… I don't really want to talk to anybody… Please Miss Charity. Don't make me…"

"It's just an interview, Demi. Calm down. Deep breaths… deep breaths. They just want to talk to you. Ask you a couple questions. Your biggest competition here has already been interviewed and they want to ask you some questions too. They're making a pretty big deal out of this whole rivalry."

"…Rivalry? I don't have problems with anyone…"

"Demi. Come with me. NOW."

I sigh and put my makeup bag away. I hate how they force you to do shit that you don't want to do.

* * *

"Good morning! Chip Kelly here live from The University of Arizona in Tucson, Arizona at what is rumored to be the most interesting gymnastics meet of the competitive year, and we're only in week two of competition season. Now, if you follow the world of Women's College Gymnastics at all, you're probably familiar with two VERY BIG names in this business, Senior Nautica Anderson of the Arizona Wildcats, whom we just interviewed not too long ago. Now, if you're just tuning in, Nautica Anderson is ranked number one in the Pac-12 and number five worldwide. But I'm here with a new name that is being heard all over nation, by colleges not even in her division. And get this… she is only a little freshman. I'm here with Miss Demi Lovato, who is being referred to as 'The Little Giant' all over the nation. Now Demi, can you tell us how you're handling the pressure?" He holds the microphone to me. I keep my hands straight to my sides and try my hardest to avoid looking into the camera. I'm on TV. I'm freaking out.

"Um… there is no pressure, really." I answer the question how I think coach would want me to answer it. I'm lying. There is a ton of pressure. I'm learning things about myself today that I had no idea of. For example, when was anyone going to tell me that I'm "The Little Giant?" I didn't know I had a nickname. "I just… go out there… do what I practiced and try to do it even better than I practiced."

"And how do you feel, going against one of the most talked about college gymnasts in the entire country?"

"…It's nerve-wracking. It makes me nervous, but at the same time… I'm glad to have competition like that, because it just pushes me… pushes me to be a better gymnast."

"Right, right. As a newcomer, a first year freshman, is it intimidating to be out there?"

"Not really. I've been doing this since I was three… competing since I was seven, so it's really normal for me."

"Now Demi, as I'm sure you're aware, everyone—and I DO mean EVERYONE, seems to be referring to you as 'The Little Giant.' How do you feel about that nickname? Do you think it suits you?"

"…I don't know." I shrug and giggle, trying to appear as "cute." A lot of people call me cute, even when I'm not trying. "I mean, I guess I am pretty little… I get all my leotards in youth sizes…so they actually fit."

"We have you here listed as… five foot, two inches? How accurate is that?"

"…Um… I actually think I might be a little bit shorter than that." I giggle again. "The day they took my measurements, I stood on my tippy toes a little bit so I wasn't… the only team member under five two."

"You seem to be in really good spirits. So uh…" He grabs a stack of papers off a stand behind him. "Before the meet, we asked our panel of gymnastics experts to predict the outcome of today's meet. And I must say, the odds seem to be stacked against you, with only one of our panel members choosing you as the all-around high scorer. How do you feel about that?"

"…Well… you know… I mean… the most I can do is hope to win and do my personal best. Of course I hope to pull out the win, but I know that going against someone like Nautica, who's basically a professional at this, I have to be on my A-game. So may the best gymnast win…"

"So what do you think, folks? Will it be the sweet and technical freshman? Or the seasoned professional, sassy senior? Let us know what you think over at EspnU's website." He puts the papers back down and holds his hand out to me. "It was very nice speaking with you, Demi. All the best of luck today."

"Thank you…" I shake his hand firmly and give him a sweet smile. When I'm done with my interview, I walk back over to the wings where coach is still waiting for me. I was so nervous. None of the answers I gave were genuine. Honestly speaking, I'm probably going to get my ASS handed to me on a silver platter by this chick. I'm NOT that good. And since WHEN am I known as "The Little Giant?" Remind me to NEVER watch that interview. I know it's on TV and all, but I'd rather not see it myself. I probably looked a nervous wreck.

"You did good, Demi!" Coach gives me an awkward hug. "For your first interview, that was good. You'll get better at that."

"…I hope."

* * *

"Demi! Hey, Demi!" My name's being called from down a long hallway. Who wants me now? Coach is going to MURDER me. I'm not allowed visitors while we're in the "tunnel." The tunnel is where we all relax, calm down and get into competitive mode before we go out into the gym area. I step out of line to look and see who wants me. It's my mom. I turn my head and look at Mr. Dean, who's going to lead us out into the gym area. He gives me that "I understand" look and nods at me, giving me the silent okay to go see what she wants. I mouth a "thank you" to him and rush to meet her halfway down the hallway. "Sweetie, I've been looking all over for you!"

"Mom, you have to GO… back to your seat…" I look around to make sure coach Charity isn't around. "I'm not allowed visitors in here… you can't be in here." I just look at her. She looks really… pretty. She has on a pair of washed out blue jeans and a pretty floral tank top. Her strawberry blonde hair is out and in long lengths around her chest. She looks great. I'm proud.

"Ooooh, okay. I'm sorry, honey. I didn't know." She hands me a giant purple Gatorade. "Here." I take it from her. "You look real pretty… I'm sitting in the front section, second row." She pulls me into a tight hug and I embrace her back. "I love you, girly. And I am SO proud of you. I'm UNBELIEVABLY proud of you. You're gonna do great. You're gonna do perfect. No matter what, I'm proud of you. I love you."

"I love you too mom." I give her a short, quick kiss on her lips and start backpedaling towards the team. "I have to go… just go back to your seat… Love you."

"….Don't do it for me. Don't do it for daddy. Do it for yourself, monkey." She holds up one of her fingers. After the one finger, she holds up four. After the four, she holds up three. Holy fuck, I can't believe she remembers that. We did that… we started doing that when I was four. She used to do it to me every single time they'd take her away. Whether it was in a police car, an ambulance or just a plain car. She'd do that for me. And I'd hold up one finger, then four, then three, then two. It was our own secret way of communicating, though it didn't take a genius to figure out that 143 means I love you and 1432 means I love you too. I do it back to her and run back to my spot in line.

She calmed me down, but I'm still pretty nervous. I suck it up, take a deep breath and walk with my hands sharply at my sides out into the gymnasium with my team.

My heart is beating and my stomach is in knots. I wasn't expecting so many people to be here. I untie the drawstrings on my bright red jogging pants and pull them down when we get to our bench area. I look around in the entire gymnasium. I don't see an empty seat ANYWHERE. I usually don't get nervous like this during a meet. I usually don't feel like this. God I'm so nervous, I could pee. I feel like I have a target on my back. I've already psyched myself out by eavesdropping on conversations held by coach Charity and Mr. Dean. Apparently, the opposing team's coach choreographed that Nautica girl's floor routine JUST to beat mine. Normally, I don't really care about people being out to beat me, because that happens a lot. It's just that…. My DAD is coming today. My dad's on his way, my mom's already here, Joe's here with Victoria and Olivia AND Selena's parents are here. I'm so nervous. I just want to do well.

"Take a deep breath, loser." Selena walks over to me, already fully unclothed and standing proudly in her sparkly red and gold leotard. "You never get nervous. That's the last thing you need. If you stay this nervous, you'll go out there and wipeout on the beam. God knows you don't need that. So just relax. You've got this, babe." She holds my hands and looks me dead in my face. Her makeup is done so pretty. She's gorgeous. "You've got more talent in your left thumb than anybody on that team, and THIS team. Just go out there and do what you do."

I take a breath and nod. "I'm just… so nervous, like I'm shaking. My dad's coming, my mom's here… this is just so crazy… so many scouts JUST to see me…I'm freaking out." I take a deep breath. "And I'm first in every rotation… I'm gonna pee." I take another deep breath. "I can't breathe, Lena. I think I'm having a panic attack…" I hold my chest and try so hard to breathe. It feels like I'm trying to suck air up in through tiny holes. I really can't breathe. "I just feel like everyone's expecting me to win…. And I don't want my dad to feel like he came for no reason. I have to place well…"

"You're fine, babes." She puts her hands on my cheeks and calms me down tremendously. "Just pretend that we're back at home, in our own gym just doin' our thing. You got this, Dems. YOU. GOT. THIS." Over at the bench, coach Charity puts her hand up to the judges to signify that we're ready to begin. Shit, I'm first. I'm on beam… I'm first. Oh god, I'm first. "You is kiiiiind… you is smaaaart… you is important."

I take another deep breath. "…And you're a strong, independent black woman who don't need no man."

"….Rock n roll babe. Lemme see that gold." She pats my back and rushes off to sit with the other members of our team until it's her turn to go in the rotation. Oh god, I'm so nervous. With shaky, wobbly legs, I walk over to the edge of the mat by beam and put my toes on the edge of the trampoline booster, to help me mount it. I look around the gym. My mommy's in the front row, right behind the judging table. My dad is sitting beside her, Madison on his lap. About six or seven rows back, Joe's sitting with Victoria and Olivia. And two rows behind my parents are Selena's parents. I won't let them down.

I turn to the judging table, smile and raise my hand to let them know that I'm ready. One of the older white-haired judges adjusts a microphone in front of him and speaks into it. "Starting out the first rotation, the lady Sun Devils on beam and your lady Wildcats at the bars. First up for the lady Wildcats will be senior Nautica Anderson. And first up for the lady Sun Devils will be freshman Demetria Lovato." When she says my name, I get just a little bit of applause from my family as opposed to the roaring and thundering cheering that Nautica gets from what seems like the entire gym. I'm fine. I can do this.

I put my hands firmly down on the beam and pull myself up effortlessly, into a front split. As soon as I'm on the beam, my music starts. From my front split position, I pull myself into a tuck squat. I start that out with a triple turn, just like I practiced. I end that in a side split and smile at the judges. They smile back, which is always a good thing. I lift up out of my tuck squat and stand straight. I do three split leaps to the end of the beam and land them without having to do a balance check. I'm calming down a little more now. I check myself at the edge of the beam and do two aerials to the middle of the beam, and finish that connection with a back tucked Arabian. The tucked Arabian is probably my hardest trick to throw, and I nail it flawlessly. I know it's flawless, because my feet don't move and I get A LOT of applause from that.

I keep the count to my routine in my head though. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8. I end up at the other end of the beam, perfect. I take a deep breath for this one. Back hand spring, back handspring, layout full, down to a korbut, my legs land on separate sides of the beam with my toes pointed. YES! OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW I JUST NAILED THAT! 3-4-5-6-7-8. I pull myself up out of my korbut and do a front aerial and a back pike. No balance check. Okay, time to dismount. Back hand spring, back hand spring… double Arabian… my feet hit the mat and stay GLUED. YES! YES, YES YES!

I use my proper finish, smiling at the judges and lifting my hands over my head. SO many people clap for me. As soon as I step off the mat, coach Charity hugs me tight and picks me up. "WAY TO GO, KID! That was the best I've ever seen you do that routine! It was perfect! It was perfect, Demi! I didn't… from what I saw, I didn't see any potential deductions… that was PERFECT. GOOD JOB…"

Breathing heavy, I wipe the sweat off my forehead. "Thank you." I anxiously grab the purple Gatorade my mom brought me and take three heaping, heavy guzzles of it. My teammates all come over and give me their congratulations. I'm so happy with my performance. I'm SO happy… I don't think I could have done that any better. I look up at the screen hanging in the middle of the gymnasium to see if my score's posted yet. It isn't, but Nautica's is. She got a 9.98 on bars. Ouch. That's gonna be TOUGH to beat… ouch ouch ouch. I take another sip of my Gatorade and keep watching the screen.

When my score comes in, it's projected dead in the middle. Coach Charity storms over and hugs me again. I can't believe that! I got a perfect 10! "That was perfect, Demi! It was perfect!" I just keep staring at it, in shock. There it is. 10.0, a perfect score. Okay, I'm feeling much more confident now.

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen, the leaderboards for the halfpoint of the meet are as followed." The same white-haired judge that spoke at the beginning of the meet speaks into the microphone again. We've only done two rotations so far. We've been on the beam and at the vault for our first two. It's halftime now, so we're going to switch with the other team. All we have left to do is bars and floor. I'm doing very well so far. So well, I can't even remember why I was so nervous in the first place. "In fifth place is Selena Gomez, freshman from the lady Sun Devils with a total point accumulation of 17.13. In fourth place, Ashtyn Timko, the junior from the lady Wildcats with 18.90 points. Third place, Madilyn Jefferies, the senior from the lady Wildcats with 18.91 points. Second place, Nautica Anderson, the senior from the lady Wildcats with a total of 19.98 points. And in first place, the freshman from the lady Sun Devils, Demetria Lovato with a perfect score of 20.00 points. We will be back momentarily after a very brief twenty minute intermission." The judge puts the mic down and takes his seat again.

Selena skips happily over to me. I love how content she is with fifth place. "Come over to the baseboards with me. I have to ask my mom a question." She stands in front of me with her legs bent and her hands behind her back. I know what she's telling me to do. I jump right on her back and she holds me up. "I can't believe you're getting perfect scores…that's like… unheard of." She starts walking over towards the edges of the seating arrangements where both our families are sitting. "When you're all big and famous and in the Olympics, remember who was your best friend before anyone else was." We stop near the front row of seats. She puts me down.

"Call me nuts, but I don't really want to go to the Olympics. I mean, I'm proud of myself for getting perfects and I want to keep getting perfects. But I could honestly give a damn." I rest my hands on the lining of the wall and stand on my tiptoes so my mom can see me. "Mom! Dad! Maddie!" I yell over to them. My dad puts Madison on my mom's lap and nearly breaks his neck to come see me. Maddie waves at me. My dad kneels down by the edge. "Hi daddy…" I notice he has a shiny silver ring on his finger, but I ignore it. I'll ask later.

"Hey honey." His smile is big, proud almost. "You… are amazing. You should hear what people are saying up here about you. You're doing amazing, Demi… I couldn't be prouder." He reaches down and touches my sweaty ponytail. "Maddie's up here telling everyone you're her sissy. I'm so glad I came…"

"I'm glad you came too…" I catch another glimpse of the ring on his finger. It better not be…. It BETTER not. "Dad, what's that on your finger?"

"We have to talk when you're done with your meet, alright?"

"….Dad, what is it?"

"Demi, I don't want to ruin your meet. And we have to talk about it."

"It seems like you've already talked about it! Just tell me! It looks like you've already made the decision WITHOUT talking to me… so you might as well just tell me now."

"Demi…"

I roll my eyes. "I have to go." I start walking back towards the benches. I stop in my tracks and turn around again, though. "…You know, just because you THINK she's doing good…. doesn't mean you have to rush back in to shit, dad. You'll be sorry when she breaks Madison's heart again." I cross my hands over my chest and stomp away. I meant to go and talk with Joe and the girls before I went back over, but my entire mood just shifted. I'm so fucking irritated now. God, why does he have to act like that?! It's like he's so desperate for her love, so desperate for a SPECK of attention, he doesn't care about what it does to Maddie and me. Just because she's doing well AT THE MOMENT doesn't mean she's going to keep doing well. He doesn't even give her two weeks before he pulls this shit. And it's ALWAYS me and Madison getting hurt in the end. ALWAYS. Selena walks back over to the benches with a bottle of water and sits next to me.

"Why the long face?"

"My fuckin' dad…." I clench my fists. "He goes and puts his wedding ring BACK ON."

"…Demi, I thought you wanted them to get back together though."

"I DO, SELENA. Just… not now." I sigh. "I want my parents back together more than I've ever wanted anything. I never even wanted them to divorce in the first place. But it's like… as soon as he thinks she's doing okay for herself, he lets his guard down and starts this shit. Then she relapses and he kicks her back out of our lives…" I shake my head and just breathe, calming myself. "It's always us. She comes around, and everything's good. She moves back in to the house… we eat dinner as a family… they're both home when we come home from school… like a mom, dad and kids should. But she has one little slip up… just ONE. And he gives up on her again. Kicks her out, and we go months without ever seeing her. It's bullshit…" I wipe a couple tears that are threatening to fall. "Whatever. I have a meet to finish."

"Demi, your mom is still—"

"Don't give me that, Selena. That's a load of shit, and you know it. Your mom was only one year older than my mom when she had you. Just ONE YEAR. …And she didn't end up all fucked up like mine."

"Demi, you have to stop. You have to stop living in fear of what's the same and what's different. Every time your mom comes back around, you assume the worst. What if one of these times, she's serious? What if this time is the time where she's REALLY changed her ways? And if she really has changed, then you can't blame your dad for trying…." She rubs my back. "…We'll talk later." She wipes my tears for me. "Let's finish this meet."

Yeah. Let's finish this meet.

* * *

I can't breathe, I'm so nervous. I can't blow this. I can't mess this up. I've gotten perfect tens, straight across the board. Perfect ten in vault, perfect ten on beam, perfect ten on bars. I'm in first place, beating Nautica by TWO TENTHS of a point. One fuck up is all I need to send me plummeting to the bottom. I want to beat her. I want to beat her for me. But, ever since I saw my dad with his ring on, my mind hasn't entirely been focused on winning. I have a lot of shit on my mind now. Floor is last, and the one I'm most nervous about. The lyrics are freaking me out. Not every judge likes lyrics in a floor routine. I just hope they like me. I force the thoughts of my dad's wedding ring out of my head and step up onto the mat I'm doing my floor routine at. I lift my hand up to let them know that I'm ready.

"And now, beginning the final rotation, freshman Demetria Lovato on floor. Senior Nautica Anderson on the vault." White-haired announcer judge says once more. I just have to knuckle down and make it through this performance. Bear down, Demi. Bear down. I tell myself. I take a couple deep breaths and put the heels of my feet on the tape on the corner of the mat. I put my left food in front of my right foot, hold my arms up and smile at the judges. I wait for my music to start.

I can't believe my dad's considering getting back together with my mom. Maybe Selena's right when she says that some times are different than others. I'd really like to think that this is the time where my mom is really going to get her shit together. I really hope that she'll be alright. I hope that my dad lets her move back in to the house and they're a functional family unit for Madison. I hope all this happens. My music starts and I do a couple leaps to the middle of the floor and a few spins to show off my technique. I glance up at the judges. They don't seem to mind that there are lyrics in the music. But I can only imagine what that would do to Maddie if they don't work out. It must suck for the kid, seeing her mother off and on. It sucked for me.

I go to the edge of the mat again and gear up for my first tumbling pass. Back hand spring, back hand spring, layout, full twist, double pike, STICK the landing. My floor routine is too easy. I do more leaps and look up into the crowd. I'm totally not focused on this. I look at my mom, she's so proud. My dad, proud too. Maddie cheering me on. Joe holding Olivia up on his shoulders so she can see. Victoria pointing at me. I gear up for my next tumbling pass. Half layout, step out, whip full, full twisting double, tucked barini, STUCK landing. I get down on the floor and do a triple turn in my tuck squat, like I was doing on the beam. I'm so unhappy all of a sudden. I want my mom and dad to be together more than I've ever wanted anything. But I want them to stop hurting me and Maddie. Please.

I take the last deep breath I'll have to take to do my last tumbling pass. My last pass is the easiest pass, hence the reason I'm ending with it. I'm feeling really good about this routine, despite the fact that my head's not in it. I just get the vibe that I'm going to score really well with it. I clench my fists together tightly and run with all my might. I get so nervous throwing my step out, because sometimes I pull my head up before I come all the way through and that makes me stumble on the landing. If I want to get a perfect, I have to stick the landing again. I do a cartwheel and put my hands on the ground. From the cartwheel, I go into a round off. From the round off to a back handspring. From the handspring, I jump back into my tuck, because that's the easiest form. I open my eyes to see my positioning. I'm too close to the edge of the mat. If I go out, it's a full point deduction. I canNOT go out of the tape. I might have enough room to do a layout, not a step out. Then again, if I don't do the step out, coach will be really mad at me.

I just let my tumbling flow from the back tuck into the layout step out. No, wait! Just a layout, not a step out! Halfway through the rotation going in to my layout, I change my mind. And by changing my mind, I make a big mistake. I come down abruptly, and try to stick the landing because at least then I won't have any deductions. My left leg comes down before my right one, which is a mistake in itself. I snap my right leg down quick and hear something inside my body just pop. Oh… my… GOD, the pain is UNREAL. I can't even try to correct my mistake, I just fall down. Oh god, my knee. My knee. I can't stand, I can't even think. I've never been in this much pain before. I'm NOT okay. Finally, when I can focus my attention off the pain, I just let myself cry. "OOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW….." My stomach hurts. My head is spinning. All I see is white light. My knee is BURNING. "AHHHHH….. AAAAHHHH…." I don't even realize how loud I'm crying. All I'm thinking about… is the pain.

"Demi! Demi…." When I open my eyes, that I didn't know were even closed, coach Charity is hovering over me. The room is spinning and I feel so nauseous. My leg… oh god, my leg. I can't feel anything below my neck, actually. All I feel is the pain that's rick-rocketing my entire body, leaving me almost paralyzed. "Honey, are you okay? Are you okay?" She puts her hands on my face and tries to calm me down. My leg is fucking burning and it's just… excruciating. I need something… something major. I'll take morphine, Vicodin… ANYTHING. Just please get me out of this pain.

I've never… EVER felt any type of pain this severe. Ohhh my god, oh my god… I can't breathe. I REALLY can't breathe. "AAAAAHHHHHHH….. AHHHHHHH….. MMMMMM… AHHHUHHH…" Even though I can't breathe, heavy moans and loud sobs manage to escape my throat. I have a headache. I have a headache.

Some unfamiliar man with a bald head is hovering over me now. I hear Selena calling my name. "Easy… easy now…." The bald guy takes over coach's job of calming me down and grabs my right leg. He grabs a walkie talkie out of his pocket and presses a button on it. "I need a small stretcher over at the floor. We've got an open fracture… right knee." The guy elevates my leg by holding it up and examines it with his eyes. When he holds it up, I can finally see what my knee looks like. My BONE is sticking out. I can see my BONE. OH MY GOD. "Can you tell me exactly what happened when you went down? What's hurting you right now?" WHAT DOES HE MEAN WHAT'S HURTING ME?!

I can't stop crying long enough to tell him anything. I came down wrong on my layout and I felt my leg just buckle underneath of me. "….I….heard it pop! It snapped!" He holds my leg up with his hands. Coach's face is pale. "W…Wher….Where's m… where's my dad?" The entire gym won't stop spinning. "Uhhhhhhh….. "

"We're gonna have to hurry up and get her some pain medicine. Sedate her, maybe." An entire group of people are just surrounding me. I just want my daddy. "I don't want this to send her into shock." The group of people around me lie down a couple white towels on the mat for me. "Demi, honey… do you feel nauseous?" The head paramedic asks me. I just nod. I watch a metal bedframe lower down to my level. "Think she hit her head when she came down too. I see bruising around her ear." The man puts a very soft pillow underneath my knee. "Sweetie, I know that you're in a lot of pain right now, but we're going to help you, okay? In order for us to help you, we have to hurt you… can you be brave for me?" I nod again. I can't talk. I just want my dad. "On the count of three." He instructs the people standing near my head. "One… Two… Three." On three, the entire team of men lift me up and onto the bed. My leg burns when they do that.

Standing near my head is a short little woman. She has on a medical suit too. "Demi honey, do you have your parents here? Should we be expecting your parents?" I nod. "On a scale of one to ten, how bad is the pain your feeling right now?" She starts massaging my neck. I mouth "ten." The woman nods. "Did you hit your head when you came down?" I nod. "Can you move your fingers for me?" I move them a little. "I'm gonna get you some pain medicine before we take you to the hospital, okay?" Below my waist, another paramedic drapes a warm blanket over me, mindful of my knee. I feel him stuff things inside my knee, causing a great deal of pressure.

"….Owwwwwww…." I whimper.

The woman tries to distract me from the pain. "I hear you're a little baby freshman… what are you majoring in, hun?"

"….N….N…." Before I can get anything out, Selena's looking me dead in my face. She's bawling, her eyes are all red and her cheeks are soaking wet. She's very upset.

"Your mom and dad are coming down. They weren't trying to let them come down at first but they're coming down right now." She sniffs. "Demi… please don't die. Please? I need you… I need you. Please don't die, boo boo. I love you. Just hang on. Please don't die on me." Selena is so dramatic. Though I feel as if this pain is going to kill me, I'm not going to die. I just broke some bones in my knee and hit my head. That's not gonna kill me.

"DEMI! Sweetie, I'm right here!" My mom comes over to me now.

"Mommy..."

"Yeah, it's mommy. And daddy's right here too… we're right here." She leans down and kisses my forehead. "You're gonna be okay. They're gonna take you to the hospital, and me and daddy will be right there. Just calm down..." She leans down and kisses my cheek this time, stroking her fingertips along my temples and sideburns. She's really just trying to calm me down. I need to calm down. I'm freaking out. My bone is sticking out of my knee, and no matter how many blankets and towels the paramedics put on it, I can feel blood seeping and dripping down my leg. My mom turns away from me for a moment to listen to what the paramedics are saying. I listen in too.

"Her blood pressure is incredibly low. It's so low that we're actually expecting her to feel a little faint in a moment and eventually pass out. She's losing a lot of blood, so once we get her to the hospital they'll most likely have to give her a transfusion or two. I'm thinking they'll probably take her in for surgery around 1 or 2 p.m. and have her out by about 3:30-4:00. The only problem we're having now is that we can't get her body to calm down. She's going into a state of shock and if we can't get her body to respond better to this pain, we'll never be able to get her to the hospital. We're going to take her to the back of the truck where we can provide better attention for her. While back there, I'm gonna get some fluids in her and try to raise her blood pressure. Once it goes up, we can administer pain meds and rush her off to St. Joseph's." I close my eyes for a moment. I am feeling a little bit faint. My stomach hurts and I just feel like I HAVE to go to sleep. Again, people filter in around me and grab onto the sides of the bed I'm in. They roughly push me through hallways and through doors. When we stop, I open my eyes. I'm in the medical room at the gym. Can they just get me in this ambulance truck? My leg is still burning. I can't take this pain anymore. I can't do this. In reality, the injury only happened about ten minutes ago. But it feels like I've been lying here in this agony for about two hours.

"Please let me see her." I hear a voice behind my head. I open my eyes up, but I don't see anyone. Actually, the voice sounds pretty far away. "Please. I have to see her... she'll know who I am. I'll make it really quick. Just let me see her... Please, let me see her." I think I hear one of the medics say "okay." I reach up with my hands and wipe my eyes. I didn't even realize that I was still crying. My leg hurts so badly. "Demi... hey." His voice is really soft, like he's not trying to alarm me. I'm SO glad to see him! "They say you're gonna be just fine... you scared me, though."

"Where are the girls?" I ask him.

"I left them up with my friend Mike. He came here with us. Selena told me where they took you." He starts stroking my hair back. "How are you feeling? Your knee looks terrible..."

"It hurts so bad. I like... heard it pop and then it just started stinging and burning. I've never felt this kinda pain before."

"I bet." He presses his lips to my temple. "Tori started crying when she heard you crying..."

"You could hear me? All the way up there?"

"Demi, you were SCREAMING. That's how I knew how serious it was. You SCREAMED. My heart fell into my stomach. I got so scared."

"...I think they're taking me to St. Joseph's for surgery."

"Alright. I'm gonna take the girls home and wait for Bea to get off work. I'll be up at St. Joseph's as soon as possible. Just hang in there. I promise I'll be there." Surprisingly, he kisses me on my lips. There's nobody around here, in this room with us, but still. He usually doesn't kiss me in public. "Love you. I'll see you later."

"Love you too."


End file.
